My husband and I were both virgins when we married in June. We have been trying but having some trouble with him penetrating. The concept is simple but its not working right. Its like he won't fit. I haven't bleed really so I'm not sure if my hymen is broken or not. What are we doing wrong?

CDLC2010,

Welcome to this beautiful site, first!

Trouble with penetration?
I think you are not doing enough of foreplay. How much time have you been into wedlock?

With foreplay, your husband will have much of greasy matter on his organ, i.e. penis, and this will help the penis, go smoothly into the hole!

Or, use some artificial lubricant oil.

The trouble starts, if there is no grease, i.e. the greasy matter, erupting out of the penis, which comes out with excitement, or foreplay.

Remember, size hardly or rarely matters. It is a myth that big size (penis) gives more satisfaction OR small holes disallow penis-entry.

Does not he or you have plenty of pubic hair? (My one friend couple did not shave there and so they faced much difficulty, until they had the blade and the courage to shave.)

Foreplay, lube oil of some sort. You will not always bleed. I guess I have having issues with a married couple for 6 months not being able to figure out how to penetrate? Esp in the US, this seems so odd. Does he have trouble getting an erection?

We do use lube oil, he has no trouble at all getting excited,we have plenty of foreplay.Recently when he did penetrate it was extremely painful. I have a sneaky suspension we are doing it wrong somehow.

I don't think you are doing it wrong. You just don't know what to expect and you are both learning. Despite what books and erotica might lead you to believe, it does take practice and experimentation to find out what works for you as a couple.

If you are concerned that it will hurt, your body may be tensing up and that can cause issues. Try relaxing and getting into the moment instead of anticipating the possible pain. For some women penetration can be uncomfortable even painful for the first few times as the body gets used to new sensations and movements.

If relaxing doesn't help, then here are a couple of other thoughts:

You may want to visit your gynecologist/doctor and make certain that there aren't any medical issues. For some women the hymen can be thicker or have hardened for various reasons. It's rare but something you might talk to your doctor about.

Sometimes the hymen will stretch instead of 'breaking' so no bleeding can be common.

Can you use tampons without discomfort?

Some women can experience issues with the muscle/skin at the opening not relaxing the way it should and it can cause issues with penetration. Fingers or toys can help relax and stretch it enough for penetration to be more comfortable. A vibrator can also help you determine where during penetration you are having problems and if a change of angle might help.

Adult toys such as vibrators can be a big aide in foreplay and experimenting. Unlike a partner, a vibrator isn't affected by concern or worry and won't have problems staying erect while trying to see what works and what doesn't.

Good luck.

Hi there! I'm sorry to hear you're having such problems. It sounds to me like a problem called vaginimus. (silly name I know! )

*copied from website*
Strong suggestions of vaginismus


- Difficult or impossible penetration, entry pain, uncomfortable insertion of penis
- Unconsummated marriage
- Ongoing sexual pain of unknown origin, with no apparent cause
- Difficulty inserting tampons or undergoing a pelvic/gynecological exam
- Spasms in other body muscle groups (legs, lower back, etc.) and/or halted breathing during attempts at intercourse
- Avoidance of sex due to pain and/or failure

There are many websites dedicated to this medical condition and a visit to the doctors may help you. It is nothing to be afraid or ashamed of. Many women can have this problem or develop it at any time in their lives.

Here is a link to an advice website regarding the condition, and I really hope this information helps you and your new husband enjoy a full and active sex life.

Www.vaginimus.com