My b/f's relationship with his ex, was about 5 weeks long.I was good friends with his ex, unitl they split and we started a relationship.We have been going out for 2 1/2 yrs.Me and his ex stopped being friends, but still talked now and then.My b/f and her continued being friends after they split.I always felt insecure about her because I knew that she still wanted him, just by seeing the texts she would send him. Recently my friends told me they had kissed twice, on 2 different occasions,no alcohol invovled.After a couple days of him begging and crying I took him back.He had already stopped talking to her before I found out. Now he has completely erased her,lets me go through his phones and anything.He seems really sorry, and has begged and sworn on his mum and grandma it will never happen again and that it was the biggest mistake of his life. However for the last 9 months I have been meeting up with another guy behind his back for the last 9 months, who I used to be "in love" with, but never cheated.
Did I make a mistake taking him back?I'm still confused,but still want him. Please help

NOO he does know about the meeting up. When I gave him another chance we wanted to fully start fresh so I told him.

It's always a mistake. Once a cheater always a cheater. And it's not even that he is a cheater, it's quite simply his personality. He is not a bad guy, he is just being himself.

Remember the story of the scorpion and the frog?

The Scorpion And The Frog -

One day, a scorpion looked around at the mountain where he lived and decided that he wanted a change. So he set out on a journey through the forests and hills. He climbed over rocks and under vines and kept going until he reached a river.
The river was wide and swift, and the scorpion stopped to reconsider the situation. He couldn't see any way across. So he ran upriver and then checked downriver, all the while thinking that he might have to turn back.
Suddenly, he saw a frog sitting in the rushes by the bank of the stream on the other side of the river. He decided to ask the frog for help getting across the stream.
"Hellooo Mr. Frog!" called the scorpion across the water, "Would you be so kind as to give me a ride on your back across the river?"
"Well now, Mr. Scorpion! How do I know that if I try to help you, you wont try to kill me?" asked the frog hesitantly.
"Because," the scorpion replied, "If I try to kill you, then I would die too, for you see I cannot swim!"
Now this seemed to make sense to the frog. But he asked. "What about when I get close to the bank? You could still try to kill me and get back to the shore!"
"This is true," agreed the scorpion, "But then I wouldn't be able to get to the other side of the river!"
"Alright then...how do I know you wont just wait till we get to the other side and THEN kill me?" said the frog.
"Ahh...," crooned the scorpion, "Because you see, once you've taken me to the other side of this river, I will be so grateful for your help, that it would hardly be fair to reward you with death, now would it?!"
So the frog agreed to take the scorpion across the river. He swam over to the bank and settled himself near the mud to pick up his passenger. The scorpion crawled onto the frog's back, his sharp claws prickling into the frog's soft hide, and the frog slid into the river. The muddy water swirled around them, but the frog stayed near the surface so the scorpion would not drown. He kicked strongly through the first half of the stream, his flippers paddling wildly against the current.
Halfway across the river, the frog suddenly felt a sharp sting in his back and, out of the corner of his eye, saw the scorpion remove his stinger from the frog's back. A deadening numbness began to creep into his limbs.
"You fool!" croaked the frog, "Now we shall both die! Why on earth did you do that?"
The scorpion shrugged, and did a little jig on the drowning frog's back.
"I could not help myself. It is my nature."
Then they both sank into the muddy waters of the swiftly flowing river.
Self destruction - "Its my Nature", said the Scorpion...

You have been meeting another another guy.. Okay.. What does that tell you? That perhaps you know this cheating boyfriend is not the one for you and are still possibly interested in someone else? To point a finger at him and not point one back at yourself is a double standard. Men do that all the time to women and we complain about that "old double standard". But what is good for the goose is also good for the gander - meaning that if he does it the it is okay if you do it. But is it okay?

If you really want to see this other guy, do not hide it or make it seem like you are sneaking around. If you like this guy and he treats you well, perhaps better than the cheating boyfriend, please be honest with the boyfriend and say to him that you need some time away from him. That you want to date others. Give him his space and take yours too. But do not go behind him and do the same thing he does to you. Life is too short.

It sounds like you need the time to discover yourself and what you truly want in a relationship. You want honesty, respect, trust, to be treated like a lady with dignity. Someone who cheats on you is not giving you that at all. I think you know that.

My very best to you.

"Ah the tangled webs we weave when first we practice to deceive."

It may take you a some time growing up and having more experience under your belt to learn the value of an honest relationship -- one where both of you take building trust together seriously. This is not the case now (you've both been dishonest in different ways) and so the best advice I can suggest is for you is to take these relationships lightly, more like dating than really committed coupling. Its not necessary that you get serious with anyone until you are ready too -- keep that in mind.

Remember how you felt when you found that your boyfriend was with his ex and they kissed, so how do you think he will feel about you seeing some one behind his back? Do the right thing and think about your course of action and please be honest with yourself first and everyone else involved.

Two wrongs never make a right so next time if he hurts you again be the one to take the high road & stay faithful so you can say that he really messed up. When you sink to his level you take away your own credibility so you lose the right to call him out on what he's done. You are young though so in time you'll learn how to deal with these things. As long as you're happy stayz life is about being happy, when you are no longer happy get rid of him.Simple?Yes but it works...

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Originally Posted by janelle123

My b/f's relationship with his ex, was about 5 weeks long.I was good friends with his ex, unitl they split and we started a relationship.We have been going out for 2 1/2 yrs.Me and his ex stopped being friends, but still talked now and then.My b/f and her continued being friends after they split.I always felt insecure about her because i knew that she still wanted him, just by seeing the texts she would send him. Recently my friends told me they had kissed twice, on 2 different occasions,no alchol invovled.After a couple days of him begging and crying i took him back.He had already stopped talking to her before i found out. Now he has completely erased her,lets me go through his phones and anything.He seems really sorry, and has begged and sworn on his mum and grandma it will never happen again and that it was the biggest mistake of his life. However for the last 9 months i have been meeting up with another guy behind his back for the last 9 months, who i used to be "in love" with, but never cheated.
Did i make a mistake taking him back?im still confused,but still want him. please help

NOO he does know about the meeting up. When i gave him another chance we wanted to fully start fresh so i told him.

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What you need to do is be with THE ONE you love and let the other go. Don't let temptations fool you you will destroy your heart at the end.