Can you take a non-custodial parent back to court based on the fact that the child returns from their visit with them with serious illnesses? I live in FL. I have primary custody of my child. She goes out of state for a month every three months to visit her Mom. Every time she returns she is very sick. She has returned with a staph infection (which took 6 weeks to get over because she was allergic to the antibiotics), a viral infection that lasted a month and RSV/bronchitis (they thought it was pneumonia). She also has severe bed wetting episodes a few weeks before she has to go stay with her Mom. All of this is well documented in her medical records.
Can I take her back to court for full custody based on this? My daughter is not bonded with her mother and really doesn't want to have anything to do with her.

How old is the daughter? How many visits has she gone through? This could be just coincidence. It would surprise me if a court would modify visitation based on this.

I would first discuss this with her pediatrician. She if she is prone to illness or if the illnesses suffered could be the result of neglect or poor care.

The only thing that does provide a clue is the bed wetting. This could be something subconscious and I would take the child to a therapist to see if there is a causal effect. That may be your best chance to modify visitation.

I agree stress can cause illness and from what your describing it sounds like this situation is created by stress which can lower your imune system. What has the mother said about the illness?

You will have to prove that the mother is doing something, that there is some level of poor care that causes it.

As for stress, how is the visits treated, what is said at your home about the mother and the visits.

The child is 4 years old. She has visited with her Mother three times since this custody arrangement has been made. She is with us for 12 weeks and her Mother a month.

We make it a huge effort to never talk negatively about her Mother in front of her. We always are encouraging to her when it is time for her to go see her Mother. We try to build it up and tell her she will have a great time.

She is a very healthy child. We have never had to take her to the Dr until she started coming back from her Mother's We took her to the Pediatrician before she went to her Mother's because of the bed-wetting. The Pediatrician said that the best thing for her was to not have any contact with her Mother. All of her illnesses are very well documented in her medical charts.

The most recent time she came back from her Mother's we thought she had bronchitis. It turned out she had severe RSV and almost pneumonia!When my husband emailed his ex-wife and inquired about his daughter being so sick, she told him she was fine and what she was giving her and that she had checked her temperature every day, 3 times a day and she never had run a fever! Well, when we picked the child up she was obviously burning up with fever. We didn't need a thermometer to know that her whole body was hot! When we asked the child how her mother took her temperature she said she took it in her mouth. She is 4! She cannot hold a thermometer under her tongue, let alone keep it in the right place! No, wonder her Mother said she never had fever!

When I packed her bag to go to her Mother's I packed her allergy medicine which the Dr. said she had to take. I included a list with her medications and the dosage and time she took it. When wr received her back NONE of her medicine had been touched! She was giving her some kind of natural cough medicine and only at night. When my husband told his daughter that we had a Dr appt. for her so that she would feel better she replied; "No, no! I don't need to go to the Dr. I will get better all on my own!" That is what her Mother was telling her. When we saw the Pediatrician the next day she said had her Mother given her the allergy medicine she wouldn't be as sick as she was!

As far as to how her Mother responds to her being sick she just listens to my husband. She never asks questions,etc. She acts like nothing is really wrong.

We believe that her Mother is bi-polar. She needs Psychiatric help and refuses to get any. My step-daughter does not like going to see her and she wants hardy anything to do with her when she calls. We have to make her talk to her Mother. You shouldn't have to make a child talk to their own Mother!

OK, now you have some meat. I would suggest having the child talk to a therapist. Once you have the therapist's recommendations, then go back to the court. I think you have enough to take this back to the court. Two very key points is not having her take her meds and not knowing she had a fever.

Another thing too as the child is getting older and nearing school age. Your going to need to change the custody order anyway. Sounds like now is the time to do it.

The court order already has custody arrangements in it for when she goes to school. The court order states that when she starts school she will be with us during the school year and will go to her Mother's during holiday breaks. She will also go to her Mother's during the summer; leaving a week after school gets out and returning a week before school starts. We will get her one week out of the summer and we have to let her Mother know what week we want her in advance. I think this is a RIDICULOUS arrangement! It's not fair that she is with her Mother every holiday. I think they should be alternated.

I have no idea as to how to get her to a Therapist or where to start on that. I cannot do anything since I am not her legal guardian. Her Father has to do it and he is not as pro-active about it. He wants to wait and see how she comes back from her Mother's when she goes again in February. Personally, I think we need to start looking into our options and getting the ball rolling on things.

Obviously she is "traumatized" when she has to go see her Mother. She goes because she knows she has too. We do not know if she is staying at the place she is supposed to or not. When she came back this last time she told us that her Mother put her in a room by herself (last time she told us she slept with her Mother), and that if she got up that her Mother would spank her and tell her to go back to room! She told us she would go back to her room and cry for us. Since she has been home if we go to discipline her (which is rarely), when we take her by the hand to send her to time out she starts screaming, "Please don't spank me, please don't spank me!" and putting her hand over her bottom. So we know she is telling the truth that her Mother spanked her. It would be fine if her Mother spanked her for something she did wrong, but not because she got out of her bed! Something fishy is going on there too!

Also, the child has to be on Miralax because she has problems with severe constipation. We took her to a Urologist because she was peeing so much that we were scared she had diabetes. The Urologist explained that because she wasn't going to the bathroom on a regular basis that her colon was swelling and pushing on her bladder causing her to have to pee more frequently. He prescribed Miralax to be put in her juice everyday until she had a normal bowel movement. I also sent the Miralax with her to her Mother's and it came back untouched as well. The child did not have a bowel movement for over a week when she came back, even though I was giving her the Miralax. That's how stopped up she was! I had to continue to give her the Miralax for several days after her first bowel movement because the consistency of her bowel movement was not what the Dr. wanted. I'm sorry if this is too much information!

Thank you all so much for your advice! It is well appreciated! We are at a loss as to what to do, because we cannot afford a lawyer. We are still paying for the other one that obviously didn't do her job to well!

Also, her Mother is 6 months behind on child support! My husband asked her the other day if she had any checks for him and she told him that she will pay him after Dec. 21st for two months and then again in Jan for 2 months. We were going to go to Child Enforcement Services, but decided to wait and see if she sends the checks or not. Even is she pays for 4 months, she will still be 7 to 8 months behind on child support. Her child support payment is only $163.00/month. She is supposedly working from home for Eddie Bauer with something to do with their online store and making $8.00 a month. We do not know how true that it though!

Yes you are right the father has to do this. But getting a therapist should be easy. Just ask her pediatrician for a recommendation.

As to how ridiculous this arrangement is, I have to tell you that I have seen a lot worse.

I doubt a 4 year old saying she doesn't want to visit her mother and for us not to ever make her go back there again will be held up in the court of law. She is still having to take breathing treatments and will have to take them when she goes to her Mother's, so we are curious to see how that will turn out.

The little girl also told us that her Mama made her sleep in her own room this time, instead of in the bed with her like the last visit. She said if she got up and went to her Mother's room that she had to knock on the door. She said she knocked on the door because she was scared and wanted her mother to lie down with her. She said her Mother told her to get back in her bed and not to get up for anything. She said she spanked her too. She told us she did this more than once We know she is telling the truth because when we went to put her in time out on several different occasions, she immediately put her hand over her bottom and started screaming "don't spank me, please don't spank me. It hurts so bad!" She's NEVER done that before. We don't spank her often.

She also mentioned that her Mother had a male friend she referred to as "Uncle Richard". She said he went to the fair with them and that he was her Mother's very special friend. We are starting to wonder if her Mother was staying at her "friends" house instead of with her parents where she is supposed to stay and that is why she had the little girl in her own room and was spanking her if she came out.

I wonder if we were to start recording with our cell phones when she starts making these statements and throwing these fits if that would help any at all in court?

No, I doubt if the recording would carry much weight. Better to have a guardian ad liteum appointed by the court who can talk to the child or take her to a therapist.

You don't spank her "often"? Those words could very badly hurt you in Court.

I see tape recorded "admissions" and "statements" all the time - if the person doing the questioning doesn't know how to question, what to look for, which direction to go, the "admission" and "statement" are nothing but getting another party to agree. They are worthless UNLESS done by a professional who knows what he/she is looking for and does NOT lead the person giving the statement.

The child is four years old. If the mother is in a relationship (whatever that means - I hate that phrase) it is in the child's best interest to sleep in her OWN bed, not share a bed with Mom and, possibly, Uncle Richard.

I am not unsympathetic, not at all. I cannot imagine sending my child off to spend time with the non-custodial parent, wondering and worrying all the time, particularly if the child's behavior changes and she comes home sick. I do think you have to be very, very careful not to make accusations, not to prejudge the situation.

What the child wants or doesn't want is not going to matter to the Court. What WILL matter is an interview with either a guardian appointed for the child or a social worker or someone familiar with the Court system.

I would presume you've discussed these issues with the mother. What does she say?

Also - the tension in your body and/or voice will be absorbed by the child. You have to walk very carefully. I've been in Court when young children repeat what the custodial parent has said about the non-custodial parent - the custodial parent had no idea that the child was either listening OR paying attention.

My husband may have a job opportunity out of the state of FL. The order states that the relocation of the child by the primary parent is in accordance with FL Statue 61.13001. From what we understand of this he can send a letter to his ex-wife asking her permission to move and letting her know that no visitation would be changed with her daughter. They would have to both sign and date it and have it notarized and then I guess file it with the court? Can someone please explain this a little more clearly and would we have to have a lawyer? Thanks!

Here is the law: http://www.lrcvaw.org/laws/flrelocation.pdf

If the mother signs the agreement, then no hearing is required, the judge just has to sign. You submit the letter to the judge's clerk. No attorney is necessary.

If the mother doesn't agree, then a hearing will need to be held in which evidence can be presented why its in the best interest of the child for the move to occur.