My best friend of 5 years (we are both women) got drunk one night and came onto me while we were lying in my bed watching a movie. I was uncomfortable with it and asked her to stop. I told her she would regret it in the morning. She explained that she was curious and was hurt that I was rejecting her. She took her clothes off... while all this was happening, our husbands came in to find us like this.
My husband was overjoyed! Took his clothes off and jumped right into bed, assuming it was play time I guess. Her husband seemed more hurt and reluctant... as was I. It all happened so fast there was no time to process any of it, and I was so shocked, I did nothing. She got on my husband and her husband and I just sat there, in shock. She told me to kiss her husband. We were both uncomfortable but obviously attracted to each other so we kissed... we too began to make out but before anything happened she got jealous and kicked him in bed. She and my husband kept doing what they were doing though and never once asked if we were okay with it! Finally she got dressed and ran out.
The next day we all laughed it off. I made it very clear that I do not have sex without emotion and I didn't want it to ever happen again. I told my husband that, I told my friend that, and I told her husband that. And even so, it seemed like it was the goal of all of us.. as if some force stronger than us drove us? It happened again, and again. Although each time he and I never had a chance to be together because she would become jealous.
One night, my husband was drunk... he doesn't remember... but he hit me across the face and told me to leave him alone you f-ing ****! Our friends were here at the time. I dialed the police but didn't hit send. I didn't want the police involved... he has never hit me since or before. But that night, emotionally, I felt done. He has lied to me, slept with my friend in front of me without even so much a glance my direction for approval and now he had hit me. My friends husband stayed with me to insure my safety. She went home. We ended up making love that night for the first time. In my mind, it felt justified. I felt 'done' with my husband.
But the next day the guilt set in. I told my husband what we had done. He said "well good for you two, you finally did it!" It hurt that he wasn't hurt, but I did feel less guilty. The swinging progressed... and so did my feelings for her husband and his feelings for me. They began to notice our connection and became increasingly jealous and territorial. We all stopped swinging and it seemed like the obvious solution. But it was too late. We had already fallen in love with each other. We felt the physical pull too strongly and we were neighbors, so we felt the best solution would be space.
They moved out of state... but we continued to keep in touch via email. Six months passed and they decided to divorce. The absence only made our hearts grow fonder and the pull was just as strong 1000 miles apart. She is now living with her parents and he his father, back in state... he is hoping that I will divorce my husband and be with him.
But I am torn. He has 3 kids with his ex wife. I have 3 kids with my husband. I worry most of all for them. I don't want to mess them up. But their own father spends very little time love or attention with them and I feel he would be a better Dad even though he's not biologically theirs. My other hangup is that he is in a world of financial trouble. Although he has a good paying job now, security. He has lost his house, their cars and owes his family money, a lot of money. And he's in a messy divorce. I hate to make finances an issue, but it's a big deal when you share them.
Any perspective or advice is appreciated. If you wish to tell me what a horrible person or mother I am, save it the judgement and let me work that out with God. I'm only looking for people who might have insight or experience who might have advice. Thank you in advance.
