My family situation: I am married (1.5 yrs) to a man who has 4 girls to 3 different moms. I have two sons. We pay child support for 1 of the girls, 1 lives with us, 1 lives on her own, the other is handicapped so she receives government support.

Background info: I moved into my husband's home after marriage. I have property that we are trying to sell. When we married, I lived on family property that was given to me, I had only a home equity loan which I owed less than 20k on, and bills for living - no loans, no credit cards, etc. He had a mortgage which he had just refinanced of 90k, a truck loan, a personal loan of 10k, and 4 credit cards over 2k each.

Issue: My home is going to sell for about double what I owe on it, so we will have about 20k left over. We would like to sell the place we are living in too, but there really won't be any money left over because of all the debt my husband is in. So, I would like to pay a tithe on it. Then I would like to take some money from the sale of my home and put it into a savings for my two boys. I would also like to take some and get his 17 year old daughter who lives with us her drivers license and maybe a cheap car to get around in. I would like to take the rest and hold it for a down payment on our next home. My husband is very upset about what I would like to do. He says, what about the other girls? I don't feel like we need to put aside any for them. I told him if there is money left over after the sale of his home, we could see what we could do. But I don't feel that my sons should have to loose money that would have been theirs, especially since he wasn't a good steward of his money prior to our marriage. He wouldn't have had any money for his girls before and wasn't even thinking about it. I on the other hand was.

I can understand his feelings to a point. But I just don't know what is right. Especially since one of the girls get's half our pay every month anyway in child support. The handicapped daughter wouldn't know what to do with money and her mother could end up with it. And the 18 year old has chosen to live on her own since she was 17 and only calls when she needs something. The three that live with us are trying to follow God and his ways, the others are not.

I think you are correct with what you would like to do with the profits you get from the house.
Legally speaking, of course, any money you obtain during the marriage would be 50/50, but that's in divorce cases!
Now, it may not be a matter of right or wrong-but one of compromise and what each other is willing to give.
So, with that said, I think you can convince your husband that the house IS your property-that it was left to you & YOUR children for your benefit.
Next, since the others(his daughters) who do not live with you-and you aren't considered their step-mom-you are correct in saying what you have about their provisions.
Give the one daughter who lives with you a little better of a car and make that your compromise.
I wish you well. God bless.

Interesting that all those divorces are gods way.I learn something new here every day.

It Is Amazing When We Really Know What Is The Right Things. It Really Is , Something That Was Given Or Passed On To You Is Yours, Pass Something Back That Means Your Sons, Also Are Heirs, Would You Not Think Of This.a Lot Of Debt, And I Have Not Seen You In Your Writings, Where Are You ? You Remind Me Of The Care Giver That Always Give And Never Do For Themselves And Alow Themselves To Get Jip////////////////// Remember This Is Only What I Think No Harsh Words Thank You

Hi, I am a step mom and a biological mom. I feel you are right and wanting to give this money to your children alone. You have only been married a short time and your children should NOT be penalized.

When I married my now husband, we had one child each. At first, I only put my son and husband on my life insurance, 50/50. As the years passed and we had invested much together and my son was older, I changed the policy to go 80% to husband, 10%son and 10% step daughter. We also saved savings bonds for each. When my step daughter got married, her bonds were given to her, (they were originally meant for college), She gratefully continued college and is about to become a teacher. My son is now in college and I gratefully, haven't spent much on bonds, but pay out of pocket for the majority of it. Hopefully he will be out of debt and in the postiion of receive the rest of his bonds when he marries.

Be strong for your children. They come first right now, as they are vulnerable to this new marriage. Remember this also, when it comes to dicipline. Use your best instincts now as they still need your insights very much. I was in much opposition with my hubby when first married and now, after 15 years together, it has paid off. See, my man was too harsh about some things and I had to lay the law down.

It is usually a fact when steps deal with their partner's children. By the way, I was a silent step mom. When I disagreed, I told my husband in private about his being too lienient on his daughter. With children, two parents is enough. I know you didn't ask about this, just adding two more cents. LOL

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Retrotia

I think you are correct with what you would like to do with the profits you get from the house.
Legally speaking, of course, any money you obtain during the marriage would be 50/50, but that's in divorce cases!
Now, it may not be a matter of right or wrong-but one of compromise and what each other is willing to give.
So, with that said, I think you can convince your husband that the house IS your property-that it was left to you & YOUR children for your benefit.
Next, since the others(his daughters) who do not live with you-and you aren't considered their step-mom-you are correct in saying what you have about their provisions.
Give the one daughter who lives with you a little better of a car and make that your compromise.
I wish you well. God bless.

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Ok, It has taken me forever to figure out how to reply to each post. Not sure this is even right, but I'm going to give it a try. :D

Thank you so much for your input. Thank you for the right words regarding the fact that it was left for my sons benefit.

By the way, I didn't quite word it right about the car. I would make sure the car was safe since at least 3 of our kids lives would be carried in it.

Again, thanks!
God IS blessing

30 Days - A Devotional for New Relationships/Title

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TheSavage

Interesting that all those divorces are gods way.I learn something new here every day.

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Divorce is absolute not in God's plan or his way. I believe that is why there is so many problems with blending families. However, if you read the Bible, very few people came from a family that wasn't blended. Even Jesus was in a blended family.

I hope that you never have to experience divorce or blending a family. But remember, sometimes it isn't always the person who finds themselves in the situation, who has made the choice to be divorced in the first place.

God IS blessing!



http://www.30days.info

Quote:

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Originally Posted by scglove

It Is Amazing When We Really Know What Is The Right Things. It Really Is , Something That Was Given Or Passed On To You Is Yours, Pass Something Back That Means Your Sons, Also Are Heirs, Would You Not Think Of This.a Lot Of Debt, And I Have Not Seen You In Your Writings, Where Are You ? You Remind Me Of The Care Giver That Always Give And Never Do For Themselves And Alow Themselves To Get Jip////////////////// Remember This Is Only What I Think No Harsh Words Thank You

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I haven't written here before, I just happened on to this site and thought I'd take a whirl at a post and see what turned up.

Thanks for your input.

God IS blessing!


30 Days - A Devotional for New Relationships/Title

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sexybeasty

Hi, I am a step mom and a biological mom. I feel you are right and wanting to give this money to your children alone. You have only been married a short time and your children should NOT be penalized.

When I married my now husband, we had one child each. At first, I only put my son and husband on my life insurance, 50/50. As the years passed and we had invested much together and my son was older, I changed the policy to go 80% to husband, 10%son and 10% step daughter. We also saved savings bonds for each. When my step daughter got married, her bonds were given to her, (they were originally meant for college), She gratefully continued college and is about to become a teacher. My son is now in college and I gratefully, haven't spent much on bonds, but pay out of pocket for the majority of it. Hopefully he will be out of debt and in the postiion of recieve the rest of his bonds when he marries.

Be strong for your children. They come first right now, as they are vulnerable to this new marriage. Remember this also, when it comes to dicipline. Use your best instincts now as they still need your insights very much. I was in much opposition with my hubby when first married and now, after 15 years together, it has paid off. See, my man was too harsh about some things and I had to lay the law down.

It is usually a fact when steps deal with their partner's children. By the way, I was a silent step mom. When I disagreed, I told my husband in private about his being too lienient on his daughter. With children, two parents is enough. I know you didn't ask about this, just adding two more cents. LOL

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Thank you so much for your input. You may not even realize the encouragement you gave me. And the thing about dicipline, that was right on with some things we are going through. Not sure how you knew, but I thank you for that as well.

I'm happy to hear that you have been together for 15 years - it means we can make it! LOL I too try to be a silent step mom, but it can be irratating when he isn't a silent step dad. We are working on things, but it sure is a tough go of it as I'm sure you know. I have found the discipline and expectations of the children have been the hardest things to deal with. But I'm sure that God will help us through and some day we can celebrate 15 years too!

Thanks again!

God IS blessing!


30 Days - A Devotional for New Relationships/Title

Quote:

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Originally Posted by 4helpthankyou

My family situation: I am married (1.5 yrs) to a man who has 4 girls to 3 different moms. I have two sons. We pay child support for 1 of the girls, 1 lives with us, 1 lives on her own, the other is handicapped so she receives government support.

Background info: I moved into my husband's home after marriage. I have property that we are trying to sell. When we married, I lived on family property that was given to me, I had only a home equity loan which I owed less than 20k on, and bills for living - no loans, no credit cards, etc. He had a mortgage which he had just refinanced of 90k, a truck loan, a personal loan of 10k, and 4 credit cards over 2k each.

Issue: My home is going to sell for about double what I owe on it, so we will have about 20k left over. We would like to sell the place we are living in too, but there really won't be any money left over because of all the debt my husband is in. So, I would like to pay a tithe on it. Then I would like to take some money from the sale of my home and put it into a savings for my two boys. I would also like to take some and get his 17 year old daughter who lives with us her drivers license and maybe a cheap car to get around in. I would like to take the rest and hold it for a down payment on our next home. My husband is very upset about what I would like to do. He says, what about the other girls? I don't feel like we need to put aside any for them. I told him if there is money left over after the sale of his home, we could see what we could do. But I don't feel that my sons should have to loose money that would have been theirs, especially since he wasn't a good steward of his money prior to our marriage. He wouldn't have had any money for his girls before and wasn't even thinking about it. I on the other hand was.

I can understand his feelings to a point. But I just don't know what is right. Especially since one of the girls get's half our pay every month anyway in child support. The handicapped daughter wouldn't know what to do with money and her mother could end up with it. And the 18 year old has chosen to live on her own since she was 17 and only calls when she needs something. The three that live with us are trying to follow God and his ways, the others are not.

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UPDATE!! My husband has agreed with me about the money. We just have to work out the details.

I thank all of your for your input.

God IS blessing!


30 Days - A Devotional for New Relationships/Title

4Help. You can e-mail me anytime, as I am a wealth of information and misinformation. LOL. Well, you know what they say, when mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. We wonen RULE!! Stay strong, pray and it'll all work out.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sexybeasty

4Help. you can e-mail me anytime, as I am a wealth of information and misinformation. LOL. Well, you know what they say, when mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. We wonen RULE!!! Stay strong, pray and it'll all work out.

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I will take you up on that offer. :D Thanks!