Why I am so odd from others?
I am studying for engineering first year. I didn't have confidence to talk to strangers. I am very silent in my classroom. I acquired low marks in class test papers. I don't know why but I can't face female students in my class room. I don't have any hard feeling towards girls but I won't look at their face. Everyday when I reach home from college I will try to make a feeling that I can be smart tomorrow. But when it is morning I will be just that old shy guy. I want to make friendship with female classmates but they ignore me because of my shy character.
Funniest fact is I can't talk English fluently towards my professors(I am an Indian). When my friends try to bully me my heart will beat hard so I can't respond in a right manner. One girl laughed when one of my friend said that I know to ride bikes. She didn't believe that. I didn't got hurt because I know that I drove bikes better than who boast that they are better than anybody.
I had a caring personality but nobody understands because I can't help others by first helping myself. What is the reason behind losing confidence, I don't know whether I am a good looking guy(although I do not have stunning handsome). I love a girl very much but I can't express my feelings how can I may be she didn't seen me since now( I love her honestly).
The real problem is I missed a lot of classes due to dengue fever and when I attend classes after a lot of leaves, I found that I cannot catch up with the class. I became a laughing matter among my friends. By the effect of fever I had severe headache. Because of headache I try to be lonely and I got punished by lab teachers. I got unnecessary imposition and punishments so I became to feel lonely.
I always lock my room in my home and simply sit there and idle away time. I missed a lot of classes and I don't know how to face teachers and friends. I am taking many leaves and my parents started complaining me a lot. I gone to college with interest in engineering, know I hate engineering more than anything. Everybody blames me, may be its my fault. I lost interest in my friends too.
Can you suggest a best tip to make me just go to my college as a robot or make me a smart guy with interest towards studies and friends? Is it my fault? Will I lose in my life? Am I worthy to be in this world? Can I succeed in my life? Please do not see this as a joke I wrote this because I can't understand life and my role in this world.