I met this guy about a month or so we've been seeing each other on and off since, the problem is we are both married. My spouse and I were having some communications issue lately and I this guy approached me. I immediately informed him that I was married. He replied by say " me too" so there we both have something in common. We kind of left the conversation at that.

Because of the type of business he's in, he was able to contact me, later that after I received a text asking how my day was going and so and so forth. I replied with a LOL and immediately knew who it was. Long story short, he continued to pursue me and I gave in a little.

He seems to be really into me, he even came to my job one day to surprise me and that I was not expecting that scared me at first but I thought that was a nice gesture he could wait to see me it had only been a week since we last saw each other; as he began texting and sometimes call me more and more everyday. I did mention to him that he shouldn't text me everyday if we wanted to still communicate with me because if my spouse was to pick up my phone and see his text that would be all he wrote "text).

He still continue to text me good morning but not as much as when we first begin to text. Long story short, I really like this guy but he mention that he like his various of platonic female friends; I can't get mad at that because I came into this platonic relationship knowing that we are both in the wrong. That actually touched a nerve and I knew that I needed to stop seeing this guy. So I stop texting him for a week or so and couldn't stop thinking about him. One thing led to another and I end up stopping by to see him and lets just say we've had a couple of heated body-chemistry days more than I would have imagined.

He is the first and only person I've ever stepped out on my spouse. He's aware of that but not sure if that mattered. I really like this guy but not sure that he feels the same I... we have no intentions on leaving our spouses for each other. We both step that in stone at the very beginning but I just so happen to stop by again to see him in hopes that a little something something would pop off, but it look like someone else beat me to the push. There was another female companion sitting there when I arrived, he was aware that I was coming to see him but I knew that it was one of his varieties as he would say because she was just sitting there.

We have a code we use when others are present but she didn't move and he didn't say much (blank look on my face). He did give me a hug and ask how I was doing but then processed as if I was just another client so being the person that I am given both our situations I also proceeded as a client didn't want to seem to obvious and after 5 min or so I left. I knew that wasn't his spouse because I've seen a pic of her.

Anyway I know that I am suppose to be the other woman better yet one of the varieties I'm not sure how he's doing it because I tend to get it regularly between me and his wife. He must have a strong sac that 's able to reload quickly lol. I really am trying to compose myself but when I saw them together, I felt somewhat hurt, embarrassed, and humiliated in a way. Here I am this professional successful woman settling for this.

I don't lack sex at home but his company is very very warm, inviting, and affectionate not to mention he has done things to me my spouse has never been able to do. My body trembles all over kid you not. This is what I lack at home so this is why I choose to do this. My situation at home is a little more complicated and a whole other novel.

But that's that in a nut shell. I know that I need to stop seeing him and I've told myself that again today after seeing this other woman but I need some real talk I've falling for this guy and don't know how to leave him alone I already deleted his number from my phone and I don't know it by heart so this is a start but I know the moment he texts me I'm going to reply because all I can think about is his tongue in between my thighs...

How I can turn the tables back to having him chase me instead of me chasing him. (sigh))))) or just leave him alone all together?

Hi naturalsprings,

Save yourself some turmoil and heartache, along with the very real possibility of that of your husband and his wife, and end this now.

You will only become more involved emotionally and it will go nowhere. In the meantime, your own marriage will suffer from it because your thoughts and attention will be elsewhere.

Tell him it ends now and that you want no further contact with him. It would not be surprising that you are one of a few women he spends time with behind his wife's back.

Of course he can be sweet, charming, and attentive whenever you are together. You have nothing else between you... no chores to divide, bills to pay, things to take care of around the house, day to day stresses, etc.

Say it again to yourself... you are a professional, successful woman settling who has now allowed herself to become a cheat and a liar.

Consider as well that what he says to you are likely lies so that you can be his plaything. Don't think he would lie to you? I'm sure his wife, someone he professed to love, believes the same thing and look where it has gotten her.

Do not be swayed by his text messages... block his number, change yours if you need to. Seek counseling with your husband to mend your marriage, focus your attention where it belongs.

You know what needs to be done or else you wouldn't be asking for the opinion of others.

End it now and regain your dignity and integrity.

There is nothing innocent about what you are doing or thinking, and you would be a lot better served by improving YOUR marriage and staying out of his.

COMPLETELY

Well , hello .

You know the guy's a flirt . Its just a phase in your life .Try and forget it . Pull yourself up . Stop trying to contact him . You'll feel much better after some days .
You are a strong person . You don't need the guy who thinks of u as one among a million .
If your spouse is an understanding type , then tell him .
Hoping to hear from you soon.
Best wishes .

Thanks everyone for the advice. Especially yours DoulaLC I guess its not funny to know I use to be the person sitting on the other side of the fence. Judging the people or should I say women that's doing or should I say DONE what they have done and or still doing.

The good news is that I have deleted his phone number (I never knew it by heart) so there would be no temptation to text or call him. The bad part is he texted me again this morning. I did not respond and deleted his number again the temptation was there but being the strong minded professional woman that I am I stood my grounds, I will tell you it will not be easy. Just to give you all a little recent history of my home situation you will not think I'm a complete idiot!

My spouse text me while at work to inform me that he wanted to take a break he stated that he was not happy and haven't been for a while now. I went on to ask why, what, when, and how questions. I end up meeting him at home to discover him packing. He gave no real explanation as to why he felt unhappy other than he needed some time alone to take care of him. He stated that he was tired of taking care of everyone else but him. He stated that he can't be near me because his immediate impulse was to place my and the kids needs and wants in front of his needs and wants.

I figured it was another woman involved because the last time he said something like this, god revealed everything to me (yes this has happen twice he has gotten caught twice). He had been dealing with this female for a little over 6 months or so. Anyway again I have stories too many to share at this time (if you ask I will provide additional details). Moving on back to Mr. Variety, as a woman, I felt a strong need to have someone tell me how attractive I am, how sexy I am, and how desirable I am. At the beginning this made me actually goes home to my spouse and look at him in another light. A good light as strange as it may sound at the beginning I took all talk that Mr. Variety was spitting in my ear back to my spouse and I continued to rock his world and spice up the bedroom. After a while my spouse beginning turns me away. I was trying to spice up the bedroom and he would tell me that he was too tired, this turned me off and I began to really think that there was another women involved.

As I continued to talk to Mr. Variety I got to know him a little bit and at this point my spouse still not putting out to me for two weeks at this point I was hot and needed to release a little tension and one thing led to another he (Mr. Variety continue to ask if I was sure I wanted to do this and I replied I don't know he stated you don't really want to do this and we when back and forward on this for a week or so and bang it happen.

Again, I or shall I say we both know what we were getting into and do I feel guilty at first because I had NEVER thought I would step out on my spouse, it was wrong and I knew this. Why did I do it? Lonely, unwanted, unsexy, undesired, my spouse stop giving me what as a woman needed. Yes we can be strong independent and stand our grounds but we are still women and I don't care who you are a women need to hear desirable words from that one in their life.

I love my spouse and I don't plan on going anywhere and after we talk again he doesn't want to either but after all the things he has announced to me in reference to him being unhappy and not wanting sex on a regular basis how will I cope. I love sex and he use to anyway that's that in a nutshell. Again thanks for ALL of your advice PRAY that I am able to get over this guy. He not really getting over on anything because I wanted what he wanted, there is no pressure and we don't have sex every time we see each other, he gave pretty good advice actually, I will miss that most of all just having someone to talk to from a man perspective.

He (Mr. Variety) continues to press that I need to work whatever it is out with my spouse because of our kids. I understand it was just a fling but how do I get over this fling QUICKLY! I asked my spouse last night to help put me to sleep if you know what I mean and again he shot me down. Batteries are getting very expense why can't I have the real thing?? LMAO thanks have a great day all

On another note should a couple stay together just for the kids sake even when they are not happy together?

NaturalSprings(aka-Naturally Horny) �


What's your thoughts on this subject.

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On another note should a couple stay together just for the kids sake even when they are not happy together?

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No.

I can think of a least 20 questions to ask the couple before answering, so... it depends.
This kind of question is just too general without tons of specifics.

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Quote by Talaniman,
NO!

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I would think so too. So why I'm I so scared to call it off? Sighhhh I still love him but I think I just don't want to be along. Talaniman check out my other post about this subject.

@ Joypulv, I could see how the question depends on being specific. SO, here is a little more incite on the situation. My spouse and I have been together for a little over 16 years. We got married young, lately he's being getting into these funks; about him still loving me, but not wanting to be with me, saying its not you its me� and how he feel the need for some him time.

This has been going on for some time now and I'm kind of getting to the point that I'm just tired of this routine mood swing. He takes me through this stage of hurt, shame, and guilt every single time he gets in these funks, and it has become overwhelming. Long story short he recently did the its not you it me thing again and like the good wife I am, I asked him what's, when, how's, and whys etc. I love my spouse but this time he did it I was somewhat okay with it, I didn't go into the crying stage as I would typically do but I was still hurt. This funk went on for several days and he realized that he didn't want to leave me once again. So I took him back and forgave him as I always do.

Me I'm getting tired of being the door mate, I don't want to cry anymore well unless its out of joy. So I recently met a guy friend that I talk to about some of the things that we are going through, he continues to encourage me to stick in there for the sake of our kids. I don't know what to do I love my husband and I am sure he loves me but I think we've both grown out of love with each other. I think he wants out but don't know how because we've been together so long. I just hate to wait until we turn 50 to realize it. I just know if I decide to call it quiet he will try to take our children with him. He can be pretty despiteful and mean when he want to I have no family here where we are but he does.

Just don't know. What do you think?
Natural Spring

Hello again NS

As you can see I merged both your posts and did some editing to put the entire story in one place, so do not be alarmed if you find the second one missing from where you originally posted.

As to your question, let me elaborate. Life has a way of sending us through many changes where one partner or the other is restless, irritable, and discontent.
It really doesn't matter much what the bad behavior is when this happens, as reasons and excuses are a dime a dozen. What matter most is what the partners do about it TOGETHER. No you don't keep working together and look for solutions because you have kids, you do it because you both want to and are willing to do what it take to make the right adjustments to put your lives in order and you both can be happy with those adjustments.

Now when neither, or one does NOT want to do whatever it take, then a split is better I think, than fooling everyone and making the whole household miserable, and unhappy. Children do not deserve that kind of environment under those circumstances.

Now you both have done the dirt, so its up to you which path you take, together, or apart. That's the decision to make, so since neither of you selfish people can claim the moral high ground, and have decided to stay where you are, then I highly suggest you forgive each other, and start over from scratch, heal, rebuild, and make some huge adjustment to your environment with each other so the trust can be rebuilt, and you can pay attention to the needs of each other.

Cheating is a very selfish act, that has little to do with sex, its just the sex makes for some good easy feel good moments. Its distracted you both from your own responsibilities to each other, and that's to listen, and pay attention. Not just in the bedroom, to satisfy, but also to share and care, and as I see it, you two have forgotten how to talk and listen, and make rules of good behavior, and likely need some guidance to see it.

BUT, if you both want to move forward, and grow, the only thing stopping you is yourselves, so please just get some help if you need it, so you can start healing through some very honest communications, and be good to each other, instead of destroying each other. If you cannot, or don't want to do the work required, then split, and be done with it, BUT the bad behavior has to stop, on both your parts.

You love each other, so you have to take care of each other and your relationship. If something isn't working in the relationship, it is like an illness. You wouldn't ignore an illness, especially one that would likely only get worse the longer you leave it, correct?

What about discussing the options for improving your marriage together? When was the last time either of you had a physical, for example? Do you take care of yourselves in eating well, getting regular exercise, making time for fun? Since your husband is feeling he focuses too much on your and the kids' needs, does he have friends or family that he spends time with just doing things he enjoys? Does he have any hobbies or interests that don't involve you and/or the kids?

Would marriage counseling be an option? It can be helpful if you can't figure out ways to make improvements yourselves, and when you aren't exactly sure what the problems are in the first place.

Stepping out on a spouse is never the answer, although for too many people it seems to be easier than doing some work on the marriage. Adjustments often need to be made along the way as you are two individuals who's needs will change, and not always at the same time.

Before you consider calling it quits on your marriage, make very sure that you have truly done everything possible to rebuild it first.

Some of my questions are about the children. You haven't said one word about them.

It seems that you have both had affairs now. He may feel (without even knowing it) that it means nothing for a man but a lot to a woman, a common feeling left over from our cave days. The spice made you feel like you could enjoy your husband more, whereas he started pulling away from you. You need couple counseling to sort out the imbalance.
IF he hasn't decided to leave, period, and it's too late at least for now.

DoulaC, thanks again it's strange that I know these things but need to hear or in this case read about it. My spouse is a bit bull headed and would not consider going to marriage counseling. To answer your questions to both of us having a physical its' been a while. I am one to eat healthy meals he doesn't like veggies just got him to drink H20. We both workout 3-4 days a week usually together, we started planning dates again but with kids we find it financially challenging but we do it at least twice a month. He has family here but don't really hang out with them. Its always been us. I tell him all the time go out and make friends or go out to happy hour with co works he want to be together all the time. We have no separate lifes, I have no real female friends to go hang out with. Every time I do find a friend to hang with he's constantly calling or texting me asking when I'm coming home so I really don't get to enjoy my girl time. We do EVEYTHING together. I can go to the store and he's text or calls me asking me what's taking me so long. I should be the one asking for a little space. He has no hobbies or interest other then him laying around with me after work sigh is this sad or what?

There are no quick easy fixes to the challenges before you. But you have time, so think in months, and years. And talk to each other, and keep talking.

Heck me and my wife have been married more than 30 years, and its still not easy, and we just keep talking.

What you thought I was perfect?? :eek: That's not what she says, :o

Keep working is all you can do, through the bad, and sometimes the good. See this as a glitch, an obstacle to be overcome.

I bent everyone, I end up seeing him again, I cried all day and night but had to tell him it was over for good. I cried mainly because I REPLIED to his text but really because I will miss him. This is best he didn't understand but I had to do it. I ask that he never try contacting me again he was not happy about it, he tried to stop me but I keep walking

I've been married for 16 years now and my attraction for my spouse is is not as strong as it use to be. I think he sort of feels the same way but we don't know how to approach each other. We know that we still love each other well I still love him but just not in love with him. Could it be because we were married at a young age? Anyway we do have children together age ranging from 4-24years old. I know that the older children will understand but it's the 4 year old I'm worried about. I don't know what to do. I ask if he would be willing to go seek counseing but that's absolutely out of the question. Any suggestion? I will share more detail later but that's what's going on in a nut shell.

I've been married 44 years and understand the waxing and waning of emotion, so maybe I can be an angel on your shoulder.

Why is marriage counseling out of the question?

He's not big on talking to other people about our relationship. Everyone in his family and some in my family think he is a great husband and provider. This is true but he recently informed me that he was unhappy in our relationship several weeks ago and we were able to get over that mild stone for now but this would be the third time I do believe that he informed me. He has gone out and ventured twice and we were able to strp over that mild stone as well but lately he has been trying to keep up with me. What I mean by that is he's constantly wondering and calling and texting me to see where I am all the time. It's like he doesn't trust me or he's back doing what he does best cheating. I do not have proof of this but this is a behavior he possessed with the last affair. It's usually his way or no way so when I ask him about seeing someone so that we can make it through these trying times he stated " hell no how you think someone gone fix our problems, not to mention take all MY money". So now I'm here.

Would YOU be willing to go alone for counseling? After a few sessions with you, the counselor will undoubtedly ask him to come in for a session or two, which he might want to do in order to defend his turf and make sure the counselor isn't getting snowed.

Wondergirl ----I've been talking to someone but not a professional but someone that has gone through a similar if not the same thing. Not necessarily taking their advice but just listening and gathering helpful insights as to a direction for positive recovery that is for my relationship. I must admit I've been having a bitof temptation of my own lately. There is no one but I have my eye on a few prospectives. Their was the other situation I was dealing with early this month but that has since decreased. We still text each other but no talks as to what we had and or was discussing eariler on. Of course he still wants to have me but he's really is just a friend. I do not forsee anything transpiring there. Why am I'm having thoughts of being with someone else? I say its due to my spouse pushing me away. I feel like we are playing house instead of being in a marriage, as I mention before he likes it to be his way or no way, I can't go hang out with friends, or even family (even though I do not have any around here). I went out for a cocktail with a classmate last week and I told him and less than 10min later he's criticizing me about being out without him and how it must be fun (being sarcastic of course) I felt guilty, finish my drink and went home. If I want to go to the store he was to go, if I go to the store allow or even with one of the kids he's rushing me to get back to him texting me how much he misses me and to hurry home to set or lay with him. There are a list of differences and dislikes this I know but it seems to be getting worst I feel that it is becoming a mental abruse situation slowly. I know this message is broken up in bits and pieces and this seems to belittle him but I'm stressed from his behavior, headaches, chest pains, low libdo, etc. (sigh))))) where do I start to make this make sense thanks Wondergirl

Sounds like your husband is carrying a lot of guilt, that doesn't mean he is cheating but that he does feel guilty/afraid. The strength of true love is always tested when "attraction" fades but that doesn't mean that its not worth the fight or that the love is not strong. Its easy to love someone when everything is "perfect" but things change when we feel they no longer deserve it. His past mistakes/choices still hold a weight in your heart and he has never been free from past guilt. Pursue what LOVE really is and you will find HIM and Restoration will come in every area of your life.