I had a miscarriage a year and four months ago to be exact,and I just recently a couple of weeks ago just found out that my best friend is expecting, and when I'm with her I get upset sometimes because I wish I still had my baby with me and that I didn't loose my baby.. what should I do to get these feelings to go away when I'm with her? I hate feeling the way I do when I'm around her?

You could be going through postpartum depression, which is a clinical depression recognized by doctors and you may need counselling to get your feelings in this regard sorted out. In the meantime, just support her, be happy for her and talk to your doctor about some help with this issue.

Your mental and physical attitude have not separated you from being with a baby, if I am putting it correctly and I hope you understand. Some women can move on after having a miscariage, some of us don't and need help with the physical separation.

If you don't seek counselling, then you may be plagued with these constant feelings for some time which may interrupt your normal day to day activities.

Best regards getting this sorted out and continuing on with your normal life.

Tick

Tick

You won't be able to get the feelings to go away completely, but you can accept that they are perfectly normal and that they will ease with time.

To help a bit right now, try focusing on what you can to do help your friend; ways that you can support her. Since she is your best friend, you can certainly share with her how happy you are for her and that you still feel a bit sad about your loss. She, no doubt, is well aware of how her news may cause you to feel. Nothing wrong with wishing things could be different, as long as you don't find yourself dwelling on them.

There is also nothing wrong with continuing to have some grieving time now and then over your loss. If you find it is difficult to manage on your own, seek help from your doctor as tickle suggested.

Sometimes doing kind and special things for someone else, can help you feel better just knowing that you made them feel good.

Miscarriages are often (but not always) nature's indication that your child has genetic defects or the mother is doing something unhealthy. Think of it as merciful. Think of the women who have 3, 4, 5 or more, or who can't even get pregnant. Think of all the millions of orphans and abandoned babies in the world. I'm not saying that you need to ever forget - just try to soften your situation by thinking of others.

Thank you and I am very happy for her and she is going to be four months soon, and I lended her my baby books from when I was pregnant, I spent time with her at her house and she has this baby sound thing were you can hear the heart beat at home without going to the doctor, but hearing that made me want to cry. I mean it doesn't really hit me that she's pregnant till I see her belly and then it hits me hard and I'll have to hold back from crying because I don't want her to see that I'm in pain and that I'm depressed. And from the time she found out till she was 11 weeks along, she was so scared to tell me that she was because of the stuff that I went through with losing a baby. Don't get me wrong I've been more helpful than the baby's father to be honest, it's just really taking a hard effect on me now since she's almost four months and I was three months pregnant went I miscarried. Thank you guys for trying to help me get through these hard times, it will take time to settle but it seems harder than I think :(

It is hard... I am sorry that you are having to go through it. There are no words to make it easier for you. You will have good days and bad, but the bad will become fewer and fewer over time.

When you have painful experiences, they leave an impression. You don't ever forget them, and they will crop up now and then, but you start to think about them less often.

Your friend is lucky to have you to support her and help her out, especially since you are doing more than the baby's father.

Harder than I thought it would be to get past. There will always be scars from that. And yes there are times were I have good days and bad days.and yes my best friend has a lot of support from me and the baby's dad is acting childish. And hopefully I will get stronger over time.I just want to be happy but I am always depressed and it sucks

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Originally Posted by alexis_017

.I just want to be happy but i am always depressed and it sucks

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I mentioned post partum depression which doesn't necessarily apply to someone who carries full term and has these symptoms. It actually applies to women who have miscarried for whatever reason. I strongly suggest you visit your doctor and get a referral to a specialist so you can deal with this. Depression escalates if left untreated.

www.depressionhurts.ca

Tick

Thank you and I'm going to see my obgyn doctor tomorrow, to switch my birth control, so I will talk to them about what's been going on and see what they say about that and go from there :)
Thank you guys for the support