Well guys, I've had a little relapse and I don't really feel to great about it although I didn't buckle. So the ex calls me tonight, haven't talked to her in a little while. We have small talk and all that stuff and then she tells me how she's been going out and partying and stuff and having a great time! Even though I decided not to get back with her it really kind of hurt me. I even told her that she could go out with other guys and it wouldn't make me jealous and she was like oh really? I played it cool even though I was sitting there thinking how we just broke up a few months ago and this girl is already having the time of her life acting like we never even went out! I acted like I didn't care even though it does hurt! I know it's none of my business what she does but right now my head is spinning! Lol I know I probably shouldn't have answered, even though the last time we talked I had the upper hand. I thought I was over it but I guess I'm not!

I believe you are both playing games with each other! She broke up then wanted you back, then trying to act tough you didn't want her back, now you are annoyed she is going out and having fun, I reckon she is also pretending that " she tells me how she's been going out and partying and stuff and having a great time"

Why not just be honest and communicate properly, why tell her "that she could go out with other guys and it wouldnt make me jealous"

Games will get you nowhere.

Oh copperhead don't worry. I feel good sometimes and bad other times. I too had times where I thought I was over it. I have another hurdle though, it is my ex's birthday tomorrow and people in my work are going to a party/night out tomorrow with him. They mentioned something about it briefly but luckily I didn't hear any details. The thought of it just made me feel sick, like who was going to be there, is he with another girl etc etc. Sometimes the less you hear about your ex the better, otherwise it opens up wounds again. Sounds like she just wanted to call and boast about how good a time she is having, she probably did that to make herself feel better. Maybe it would be best if you don't answer next time.

I think Wap and Rol covered this one pretty darn good.

I don't know, if she really is having the time of her life and chooses to boast to you, then she falls on the insensitive side.

If she is just saying that to make you feel bad, then like Rol said, she's playing games, that's not good either.

Like Wap said, next time, don't answer.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Sometimes we think we kicked the darn thing and then get a little reminder that we need to work just a little harder on us.

By the way, and this is only a suggestion - Have you seen the Open Letter to your Ex thread? Take a look at it and you will see you are not alone and may want to write one yourself.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-ex-60729.html

I'm sure your head is spinning and all of it is quite normal, the trick is to get it to unspin. Best way to do that is try your best not to overthink about her.

<<I even told her that she could go out with other guys and it wouldn't make me jealous and she was like oh really? I played it cool >>

I mean seriously, she can do what she wants now if she is single, you did not want her back, remember?(I don't blame you either , as she seems to be the complete gameplaying type)
Why tell her she can see other guys and you won't be jealous, especially when you don't mean it!?

Very true Rol.!

If you want her back, let her know. Sometimes we must swallow a little bit of pride if it means getting something that we truly want. I only say this because she did indicate that she wants to get back together with you. You turned her down, which probably made you feel strong and possibly a bit vindicated at the time, but if that wasn't what you truly wanted, rethink things and tell her the truth now. Don't go back to your old possessive ways. I think you have learned that lesson the hard way. But don't take the independent thing so far that you cut off your nose to spite your face. Do you know what I mean? Stop with the games. I suspect she may be playing one with you too. But how far will it go on? You act like you don't want her, she acts like she doesn't want you, etc. Then who wins?

It's all good! Really her going out like that just makes me want her even less. I was just caught off guard last night but really for some reason when I hurt now it just makes me want to push her even farther away. Definitely not get closer. Anyway, I'm cool. Have a great day!

There is a good reason they make caller I.D.

The grieving process (and subsequent recovery) after a break up really is two steps forward and one step back. You still make progress and the bumps do get less and less often or dramatic. Bumps can be unexpected contact, surprising news (good or bad LOL)that wrangles, memories that jump out of things you forgot to avoid, anniversary dates like the first birthday without them, etc. This is a time for the silly motto "easy does it" and I hear you, Copperhead, falling right in step with that -- so I say BRAVO! You have plenty of time to get in good shape, and are taking the necessary steps. Just be mindful until then that you are susceptible to some things (like a rebound relationship - not good) and well, be careful with you. Grief makes all humans a little crazy for a while.

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Originally Posted by Copperhead6

I was sitting there thinking how we just broke up a few months ago and this girl is already having the time of her life acting like we never even went out!

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My ex did this 5 days after she broke up with me and I was engaged to her and with her for 3 years. One thing you must acknowledge is that the breakup may have been going on in her head for longer than you expect and therefore she may have done her grieving or letting go long before you did. This is something I had to come to terms with and it still confuses me but true to form in how people behave and deal with these kinds of things.

Thanks Geoff, its kind of funny to me that the first posters said something about playing games. You know I don't think that following through with breaking up with someone even though you still have feelings for them or hurt over it means that you are playing games. Just because the breakup is for the best, doesn't mean that I have to be completely healed yet. Although, I am moving on slowly but surely!

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Originally Posted by Copperhead6

Thanks Geoff, its kind of funny to me that the first posters said something about playing games. You know I don't think that following through with breaking up with someone even though you still have feelings for them or hurt over it means that you are playing games. Just because the breakup is for the best, doesn't mean that I have to be completely healed yet. Although, I am moving on slowly but surely!

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How long has it been fore you, copperhead. I hear that you should allow at least 2 months for each year you were together. Truthfully though, you should not set a timescale on it as it depends on how emotionally invested you were and what kind of person you are emotionally.

It can even take a year.

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Originally Posted by Copperhead6

Thanks Geoff, its kind of funny to me that the first posters said something about playing games. You know I don't think that following through with breaking up with someone even though you still have feelings for them or hurt over it means that you are playing games. Just because the breakup is for the best, doesn't mean that I have to be completely healed yet. Although, I am moving on slowly but surely!

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Don't let a little set back throw you, you still came back here and you'll be all right just get back on the path after you dust yourself off. You and Geoff aren't related are you.

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Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

My ex did this 5 days after she broke up with me and I was engaged to her and with her for 3 years. One thing you must acknowledge is that the breakup may have been going on in her head for longer than you expect and therefore she may have done her grieving or letting go long before you did. This is something I had to come to terms with and it still confuses me but true to form in how people behave and deal with these kinds of things.

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That and you don't know for sure what they are really doing. It could be a desperate act of covering up how hurt they are or a revealing of how callous they truly are too. Don't compare your insides with their outsides. That's bad science! Better to shrug, say what the hell and get going with the rest of your life. The best is yet to come is my motto and you are welcome to borrow it anytime. :p

Its been since like the first of December. I'm feeling stronger today than I was even feeling before yesterday. Hearing that she is not even concerned makes me want to move on even more and for some reason makes it a little easier. Although Geoff is a fine man, I can't say we are related. At least not that I know off, I don't even think we live in the same country! Lol

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Originally Posted by Copperhead6

Although Geoff is a fine man, I can't say we are related. At least not that I know off, I don't even think we live in the same country! lol

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LOL! :D

Read his story you'll understand my concern.:D

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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

That's bad science! Better to shrug, say what the hell and get going with the rest of your life. The best is yet to come is my motto and you are welcome to borrow it anytime. :p

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True, and after a while, this is what you do tend to do because you get so tired of analysing things and realise it just is not worth it.

Better to devote ones time to research the theory of time travel, not so you can change the outcome of what happened to your relationship but so you can travel a week ahead and find out what the winning lottery numbers will be.

Then again, I am not sure I believe in travelling through time into the future but possibly to the past. It would be great to travel back to the 60's and meet the Beatles..

What am I banging on about :confused:

Ha you guys are a riot! Thanks for the good advice. It's amazing how things can bounce you from one frame of mind to another! You guys are great and made me feel much better!