Ask Me Help Desk - He doesn't want to commit again.

I had a 1 year long relationship with this guy. I was very struggling at that time, very unsure about our relationship so I broke up with him several times and then wanted him back again only after a week or so. He got confused.

I also drank too much and was flirting around with other guys and he found out on my cell phone. So when I broke up more than one year ago for the last time, he didn't want me back again, even though he had strong feelings. I was so sad, because I loved him. I asked if we couldn't at least be FWB, but he told me that it's better if we cut off and don't do that so that we can meet others.

But after 7 weeks he contacted me and told me he misses me. We started to meet again and he told me he has feelings and all that, but is afraid to commit again. I want ALL or nothing and told him so, but he doesn't dare. So now we have been FWB for 1 whole year.

We meet like once a week, eat, drink wine and have a great time with sex and talk a lot. It's just, when he leaves I feel so lonely... so always after a months or so, I break it off again, and he gets sad.

Now I haven't been with him for 2 months and I really try to meet someone else. I date and have so many men that wants me, but all I can think of is him. So last weekend I met him out and he started to text me. I really want him, but not only for sex. His friend told me that he has feelings for me and all that, so WHY doesn't he want to give it a last try?!

He keeps telling me that it just doesn't work; he doesn't trust me, it didn't work, we were fighting too much and it just won't work again. But still, he has difficulties leaving me alone, since there are feelings and the sex is good and we are so attracted to each other. I feel the same, but hate to not be number one!

Does anybody here think he will ever change? Has anyone been in his or my situation before? What am I supposed to do? We just can't let go of each other! Please give me some advise!

You were not committing in the first relationship, so he saw no reason to in the second.

I doubt that in the current situation the two of you can find a commiitted relationship

So what do you recommend me to do? Just try to avoid him until I will finally get over him? We are both the same. He can't find any other girl that attracts him as much as I do, and I feel exactly the same. Why can't he just give me a chance? But you are right, I doubt he will change!

If we keep seeing each other for another year or so, maybe he finally will change or is it impossible?

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He keeps telling me that it just doesn't work; he doesn't trust me, it didn't work, we were fighting too much and it just won't work again.

The only thing you two do well together is wine, dine, talk and screw. That's it, he doesn't want anything else from you. When you want more you split up, until YOU get lonely.

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But still, he has difficulties leaving me alone, since there are feelings and the sex is good and we are so attracted to each other. I feel the same, but hate to not be number one!

He doesn't need you to be number one, to wine, dine, talk, and screw, and go about his other business.

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Does anybody here think he will ever change?

He will never change, why should he? He can count on you to wine, dine, talk, and screw.

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Has anyone been in his or my situation before? What am I supposed to do?

Yes, and it never worked when we weren't screwing each other. Sex was good, life was not.

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We just can't let go of each other! Please give me some advise!

My advice is to let him go long enough to get over him, get him out of your system, and life, and build one without him. Stay away forever and get some better options, and opportunities, and when you feel lonely, don't look for him to help you.

You want to be number 1 in someone's life, then find someone who thinks so, because he sure doesn't.

INSANITY-Doing the same thing over, and over, and expecting different results. Change the cycle, by dating for friendship, and fun, not to replace this boob. Maybe some fun activities with family and friends.

If you weren't so desperate to be number one, you would be number one for yourself, and not need someone who thinks you are. So start acting like you are NO. 1, and stop settling for crap from anyone, especially your ex boob.

Sex is not the glue of strong, healthy, adult relationships, no matter how good it is.

While he may enjoy your body and having the friends with benefits relationship with you, he is obviously looking for something that he knows will be long lasting, or is also possible that he doesn't want to be tied down and just wants to have fun. Either way, he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. If you are OK with how things are now, then continue doing what you are doing. If you are not, then break it off completely, go no contact, and move on with your life. You can't seem to move on only because you are still in contact with him, and every time you sleep together only keeps the false hope alive. The decision is yours.

Yes I know you are right. He is only enjoying my body and company, but is certainly looking for someone else out there who can give him more one day, or maybe he is just a commitment phobic, since he never had a long lasting relationship before. He did this same thing to his ex girlfriend. They were FWB for many years. I was just hoping that since he once wanted a relationship with me and since he also doesn't seem to be able to forget me, there might be a tiny chance that he would change, but I don't think so. I don't want him out of my life either, even though that's the only thing I have to! Thanks for your reply.

Clearly you need a lot of other things in your life, or settle for being an option.

He may be all you THINK you have in your life, but YOU can change that if you so choose to.