I joined this site because I have a question that I don't know how to answer it myself.

I'm 20 years old, I'm engaged, I like to party, and go through life a fun way. We've been together for about 2 years
And my only concern is that, like any other guy, he likes porn. Not too long ago we had an argument about him downloading porn onto our computer while I was away at work. When I logged on, I came across it and asked him about it and he obviously lied and said it wasn't his.

We had a tough few days afterwards, but he promised he wouldn't watch it again. Ever since that, I've felt some sort of insecurity, knowing that he's been sneaking behind my back... so now, I don't like him watching naked women on movies or TV... I've made it very clear to him that I don't watch him watching porn, or anything naked pretty much!

I know it may sound a little extreme, but I don't know how to control it. It just makes me extremely angry at the fact that he's into that I guess, and anyway, my question is, how do I make this normal? I want him to be happy but at the same time, I think me not wanting him to watch naked women on movies is a little silly.

I just need you guys' suggestions as to how I should go about it, or how I should prepare myself mentally to accept the fact that what's on movies and TV is not pornography... help!

Hey your young

So you have a bit to learn about adult relationships

First lesson

They are all different! :D

If this an issue for you and he knows about then the both of you should work at it together not you do all the work because if that happens then the relationship will fail

I can pretty much say this that most guys in relationships watch porn is a very common thing for us.

But even women do it as well.

But my main advice here is. It's something that I don't think you can let go you need to be more rlaxed about it

If you and him can't find a compromise then I would not getting married to him.

The porn has nothing to do with you unless it interferes with how he treats you in bed or out of it.

Think before you act or speak, and tell him as you have told us, how you know its silly, and you want to change the way you react to it, but will need some time, and patience to figure it out for yourself.

That kind of honesty at least shows him you are trying to figure yourself out, and maybe he will understand, and help you through this.

Thanks guys! :)
Ive been working on being a little more laid back about it.. Im not going to lie.. ive watched porn before & it really isn't bad at all.. I just don't know, for some reason him watching all these pretty girls with big fake boobs, honestly makes me a little insecure. Ive already talked to him about being patient with me and that eventually I'll be relaxed about it & he completely understands me & is willing to work it out with me. I just don't know if giving him the "OK" to watch porn is going to affect our relationship in some way or another. I was thinking that instead of giving him the full "OK" I could start by not freaking out or saying anything during a nude scene in a movie... (?? ) I don't know if that's a good start or if I should just try to get over everything & say screw it! & Truefaith.. I know I'm still young but I don't want to push him away with my immature thoughts... I honestly sometimes hate myself for reacting to such things! Im willing to take any advice anybody is willing to give me... I'm really at a dead end here... I've talked to him & that's it about this issue... I don't really want to discuss anything with my family or friends cuzz of them being judgemental... im a little scared.. so you guys are all I got!! :\

Don't beat yourself up over this, just give it your best efforts, and I think eventually you will relax.

I think your fear and insecurity may be part of a natural learning process, so concern about the HOW to deal with YOUR feelings is really normal for your age.

You are engaged to him. Talk to him - don't be judgmental, don't be upset. Ask HIM why he watches porn. Tell HIM how it makes you feel. If his answer is soemthing you can't live with, then walk away. If you can reach a compromise, stay in the relationship.

I would be more upset about the lying and sneaking around than I would about the porn. I would be very careful not to put him in a position where he feels he needs/wants/enjoys porn but has to lie to you in order to watch it.

You seem to have to filter out your issues. Either you are mad about watching porn or you are mad about lying. Talk to him and tell him how you feel about him lying, in a relationship each of you should be able to tell each other anything, even about porn watching. If you don't want to hear it, tell him to learn how to hide that, therefore, he won't have to lie to you about it because he has your permission. As far as porn goes, I personally believe is great (of course I am a guy) and that there is nothing wrong with it. My lady doesn't mind it as long as I don't bring it around her and tell her about my pornographic adventures, I think that is a good setup. At the same time, I don't fill myself with guilt because I know that she is OK with it, and life goes on calmly on that matter.

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Originally Posted by mmresd

You seem to have to filter out your issues. Either you are mad about watching porn or you are mad about lying. Talk to him and tell him how you feel about him lying, in a realtionship each of you should be able to tell each other anything, even about porn watching. If you don't want to hear it, tell him to learn how to hide that, therefore, he won't have to lie to you about it because he has your permission. As far as porn goes, I personally believe is great (of course I am a guy) and that there is nothing wrong with it. My lady doesn't mind it as long as I don't bring it around her and tell her about my pornographic adventures, I think that is a good setup. At the same time, I don't fill myself with guilt because I know that she is ok with it, and life goes on calmly on that matter.

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This surprises me - different relationships for different people. What do you find so "great" about porn? I know some men like it. I have no problem watching it myself, but "great"?

It would upset me if my husband's pornographic "adventures" involved him masturbating to porn... without me. When porn takes the place of your partner, I think there's a problem.

I may very well be in the minority here and it appears that you and "your lady" have come to an agreement.

Is a great way to relieve stress when the lady is too tired or out of mood I believe. What is "wrong" about it? What other type of "pornographic adventures" would you have other than masturbating... that is all you can do with it. Porn never takes the place of your partner, it is more like a very temporary substitute. Is two complete different experiences.

The issue I see is if he wants to watch it, likes to watch it, most likely he is going to watch it. If you have a real fit, order him not to watch it, he will watch it and lie to you. Since he will not want to fight about it, and he will think that you will just be mad latter about the porn if you find out, not the lying. He will not understand that. Most likely he can't understand what you are even mad about.

Unless this is effecting your relationship with him, it is really his choice of what he wants to do.
Right now the issue is your ability to accept what he wants to do, unless he really wants to quit.

As others have mentioned, it is not about you, has nothing about his desire for other women with fake breasts. If he is looking at pron or if he is day dreaming about a women at walmart, men think, daydream and like visual things.

Thanks guys for all the great advice!:) Really helped clear my head a little.
Since I posted my question, I've actually been working on clearing my head about all of this nonsense.
I've actually told him that I've watched porn myself & that I had no problem with it.. I think that made him feel a little more comfortable with everything. I've also stopped nagging him so much about stupid little things that are not really worth our time. I read somewhere that you can't force love.. so I'm just trying to enjoy life as much as possible and try to look at the positive instead of the negative. I came to the conclusion, that he really does love me and it just seems stupid for me to keep nagging him about him watching porn... I even told him that I sound like a total hypocrite... being against something, yet judging the people that do it. Once again thank you so much every single one of you guys who took your time!! :) God Bless<3 & Happy Thanksgiving!!

**Yet watching it myself***

I'm glad to see your taking these big steps

I'm proud of you it's never easy getting rid of insecure feelings
And doing it on a sensitive subject is even harder.


If you stick to your ideals in the last post I have full faith that you will be so much happier for it and enjoy a very health relationship

All the best