When do you know your in love because I'm a virgin and I love my best guyfriend but he said if we had sex I would only be his teacher or coach and he has no feeling for me but yet he says he not using me?

According to your other post you are 14.

No, you should not be thinking about having sex with this person and yes he would be using.

Sex is something that should be shared only between people in a long term committed relationship.

So no you shouldn't do it.

Also any time you engage in sexual intercourse you run the risk of becoming pregnant. So unless you are prepared to have a child you shouldn't be doing it.

No , you should not . I'm 15, and I just lost my virginity to my boyfriend last week. . I did not fully love him , but I figured I would after that, and everyone told me it felt good so I thought I would give it a try . Well it didn't but it did hurt A lot. It was just plain akward and pain and I felt no chemistry. Don't LOOSE IT AT YOUR AGE! I should have taken that advice and now that I didn't I gave away my most precious gift and it won't come back.

Omg will we ever get out of the dark ages. Young ladies your virginity is not a gift for any guy. Please get over that. The only reason men 3thousand years ago wanted a virgin was to insure healthy births. The more partners you have the higher your risk. Nothing is 100% so yes pregnancy and disease are real things to be considered. I've read many of these posts from advice givers and they all mean well. It is very rough to be a teen today. It is very unfair to be a young woman. My heart goes out to you all. I have daughters as well. As a father it is very rough on me to see my daughters in so much frustration and pain. There is so much myth out there about sex and love. The truth is we are no different then we were 3thousand years ago. Men didn't usually marry till they were in their late 20's or early thirties. Woman had their highest chances of marriage between 14 and 20 years of age. Woman today have the same desires to want and need love. If your desire is for love having sex with a boy is not going to get you love. Sorry to break the fanticy. You your desire is for the sex and the enjoyment of it till your ready for love then get very educated about sex. Don't ask for the opinions of others, it won't help. The guys out there desire the sex and thoughs who tell you the truth that they don't want love aren't the users.

While I agree that virginity is not a "gift for any guy", it IS something precious that shouldn't be given lightly.

I also have to ask where you got the impression that it arose out of a desire for healthy births or that the amount of intercourse you have had has any affect on that?

You make a good point that it is very rough to be a teen age girl these days. With so much emphasis on sex and love in the media and peer pressure, teenagers NEED to be educated about the realities of sex and love. But how are they going to get that education without asking for opinions from others? Even if they ask only authoritative sources, its still opinion.

I meant to hit spell check on that post and hit answer sorry. I give my daughters the best insight I have. Trust me when I say I'd rather lock them up then allow any guys near them. It has been my experience with over a dozen teen girls that this never works and usually makes things worse. I try not to personally give advice to the daughters of others. I always suggest that teen girls talk to their fathers. I know this is tough on many levels because our society is so screwed up when it comes to sex. I have yet another daughter who has turned 13 this year. She started going to others to ask about sex and boys because "dad isn't the one to talk to". It was very frustrating for us both to get over the fear of talking about sex but it can be done. I now have allowed her to have a boyfriend at her age verses 16 as I once made the rule. It is very limited and she has to talk to me a lot about her choice in a boyfriend. I don't pick her friends or her boyfriends but do offer the best advice I can without being judgemental towards them. If you come from a single parent home it is rough. I have raised my daughter since she was 1 1/2 and many years without being married. I'm so glad that I have a wife to help her though these teen years. I can be honest and tell you I wanted to just step out of the issue and leave it up to my wife. Father I am telling you from experience your daughters need you. I thank god for my wife's wisdom on this matter.

Healthy births is the true nature years ago that men went to great lengths to ensure they had a virgin wife. The more sexual partners one has the higher the risk for disease. That is still true today. You can find these facts written in many books of different religions. I'm not a religious person but do believe in God. I have nothing against the Christian bible and the writing within it. Many people though have forgotten that this book as good as it is was assembled from the writing's of others many years prior. A note to fathers with teen daughters, do not preach to your daughters. It is a mistake we all make. Daughters want simple facts they can use to make decisions. Though it seems they don't want our thoughts on these matters I can tell you from experience they do. Even fathers who have a bad relationship with their daughter can learn to fix this. Listen to your daughters. It has helped me a lot and I only wish to share that with others. Now that I have started to do things right for my daughter she tells me she doesn't want sex. I know she's being truthful too. It's been a tough 6 months. As much as it pains me when my daughter would ask the tough questions I told her the truth based on what I know. I also cautioned her I'm not perfect nor do I have all the answers. I spent a lot of time looking things up on line. Good luck and whatever you decide to do don't judge yourself for making any mistakes, just learn from them and enjoy the life you have. At 14 nothing has to be rushed, I tell my daughter all the time take your time, your young and have plenty of it.

It is great to be and fall in love, at 14 you are likely to fall in love and find the "one" 3 to 10 times over the next 4 or 5 years.

Each time it will seem and be perfect. So that is great, but being in love does not mean sex, it means you love them, emotional.

Sex will not make it better, will not cause it to happen. And most certainly does not make him love you. It will of course be known you will have sex with guys you know don't love you. And perhaps make it harder to find and be with the right one if and when he comes along.

As a female, let me say that the 'gift' isn't 'virginity'. It is yourself. It may be a hard concept to understand, but having sex for the first time is about more than physical contact. It is extremely emotional. It is giving your trust, your love, your full being to another person. It is not something to take lightly or to 'get rid of'. It should not be to 'prove' your love or because everyone else is so 'why not' (just two reasons some have given for having sex.)

Your first time, should be with someone who cares about you and loves you as much as you love him. It should not be with someone who wants to use you as a classroom to gain experience for having sex with other females which is what your 'friend' is proposing. As a virgin, what can you teach him? What do you know to 'coach' him about? Yes, this boy is wanting to use you and your feelings for him. He gets sex and you get left behind and with nature's sense of humor (none) a possible pregnancy.

It may seem out of the 'dark ages', but it isn't. The relationship you should be working on right now is with yourself. Discover who you are and how to interact with others in social settings. Learn how to control the basic instincts and not to let them control you. Learn how to date if your parents allow you to. Learn what you want to look for in a person to go out with. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that sex is the only way to show love or to connect with someone you care about. It isn't.

At 14, it is easy to think you will love one person for eternity. As much as I wish at times that were true, it isn't. You will love others and some will love you. As trite as it sounds, wait for a time when you love and are loved and when you can handle the very adult responsibilities that come with the consequences of having sex.

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Originally Posted by edaniels1

Healthy births is the true nature years ago that men went to great lengths to ensure they had a virgin wife. The more sexual partners one has the higher the risk for disease. That is still true today. You can find these facts written in many books of different religions.

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I consider myself rather well read. I have never heard this contention that the desirability of a virgin was due to a desire for healthy births. Could be I missed it because it does make sense. Yes, the more partners one had, the greater the risk of disease. Infant mortality rates were huge in those days.

The reasons behind many societal mores and religious restrictions were often due to practical considerations. For example, Kosher dietary rules. But I would like at least one reference to the link up.

But whatever the reasons behind it, sex should not be entered into lightly. There are emotional and physical issues to contend with. I agree with much of what you said. But it still comes down to not encouraging recreational sex especially among teens.

Afternoon everyone, seems this is becoming a debate, which wasn't my intention but good just the same. I use many different sources for research. Wikipedia is a great source and the credits are links defining the sources. I wasn't meaning to encourage anyone towards irresponsible behavior. I myself was a teen parent and having children in today's world is very difficult. CAT1864 has great advice and thanks.