I can't imagine moving on. I cannot accept anyone else as a partner. What to do?
He was leaving the country when we realized we were in love after being close for 1.5 years. We were fine in the 1.5 years long distance relationship later, when he started to change. He became a devotee in ISKCON* and started behaving like I was mere obligation in his life.. It was after a very painful whole year, during which he slowly stopped calling me, mailing or messaging me, that he revealed to me - "your presence in my life is hindering my spiritual progress. I cannot have female partner in my life." I had changed under his influence and became inclined towards a spiritual path of life too. It was devastating to me that this could happen. I never planned a future with him when we were together, but I have realised over the past 2.5 years that it is impossible for me to accept anyone else as a partner in life. I had somewhere unconsciously accepted this person as a partner for life.
It hurts me like hell to think he would have thought I will move on, accept another person in my life.. lead a life away from him.. I cannot.. In my culture I am expected to get married by this age.. All my friends are married and settled.
I am here still not sure where my life is heading.. I am not completely attuned to the spiritual way of life and to the mundane life others lead.. I see him as a saviour.. I trust he will come for me one day.. I just need to change.. take to the way of life he asks me to take to completely... But I am also scared that may be my wait will have no end.. may be he will never think of me like he does now.. and I will remain alone all my life then.. waiting for him and he wouldn't even know..
What shall I do?
I can't talk to him.. only thing he said (the only time I spoke to him in the past 2.5 years)was that I take to the spiritual path as soon as possible.. and we should not talk to each other anymore as he is not allowed to talk to females..
* ISKCON - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ISKCON_guru