Ask Me Help Desk - Is he right?

I'm 21, and my boyfriend is 26. We've been together for two years, and we're both in University together. We've been living together for about a year, living completely on our own for about 6 months.

I made him promise he wouldn't give me a ring until after undergrad, which is in another 2 years. I'm honestly VERY happy. We don't have money issues, infedelity issues, our family's love each other, we're on the same page religiously (which is to say no page at all) and our sex life is bangerang. I find him funny and charming if not a little embarressing and nerdy at times. I feel like he's the one, but IS he?

What makes a successful marriage? I can't trust time because people who have been together longer have broken up. I can't trust not fighting because some people claim they never fight and then POOF, their relationship goes up in smoke. Some have good sex lives, no money worries, similar interests... everything seems to fall apart under the microscope.

I only want to get married once, and I want to be with him forever. How do I tell if he's the one, and when we DO get married is there a secret to staying happy?

Communication is the number one most important aspect in any relationship and marriage. Once communication breaks down then that is when trouble hits the fan. So always be willing to communicate with each other, and work through the toughest moments together. You will be fine.

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Originally Posted by karasuma

I'm 21, and my boyfriend is 26. We've been together for two years, and we're both in University together. We've been living together for about a year, living completely on our own for about 6 months.

I made him promise he wouldn't give me a ring until after undergrad, which is in another 2 years. I'm honestly VERY happy. We don't have money issues, infedelity issues, our family's love eachother, we're on the same page religiously (which is to say no page at all) and our sex life is bangerang. I find him funny and charming if not a little embarressing and nerdy at times. I feel like he's the one, but IS he?

What makes a successful marriage? I can't trust time because people who have been together longer have broken up. I can't trust not fighting because some people claim they never fight and then POOF, their relationship goes up in smoke. Some have good sex lives, no money worries, similar interests...everything seems to fall apart under the microscope.

I only want to get married once, and I want to be with him forever. How do I tell if he's the one, and when we DO get married is there a secret to staying happy?

After your engaged, wait for another year, attitude changes. Some men feel like you belong to them and sometimes have control issues that might start brewing. So wait and see if he changes. I was engaged for 3 months before i married and he did change and i ended up in a divorce 10 years later. Don't ask why i stayed that long, i guess because of the children. And he didn't want me to work. He was great while we were dating, i noticed he changed a little when we were engaged but i had just figured it will pass and i was thrilled to be engaged. So wait at least 6 mos. To a year. If there is no change in him, go for it , he's the one. Good luck sweetie!
Armymom

Honesty, communication, and the willingness to make your marriage a priority is what makes a marriage work.

TALK to each other, about anything, about everything. Talk to him about the things that would hurt his feelings, talk to him about the stuff that's hurting yours. Talk about the stuff that makes you laugh and the stuff that frustrates you. Obviously, you shouldn't share EVERYTHING (that takes the mystery out, and you have years and years to get to everything) but you should talk about the important stuff. The key is... don't lie to each other. Not by word, and not by omission.

Plus... your marriage should come first. Not before YOU, obviously... but making your marriage a priority in your life, and doing the WORK that marriage sometimes is... that's important to keeping the love alive. Knowing that your partner is doing something they don't necessarily want to because it's important to you is part of it. So is taking care of things for your partner that you don't necessarily want to do. Marriage is WORK. It's one of the most rewarding "jobs" out there, but you have to make sure you're willing to commit to it, good and bad.