Just a few days ago my ex called and told me that her husband had slammed my son into the his bed and forced the side of his head onto the mattress, leaving a bruise on my son's face. My ex was not home at the time when this happened. When I confronted the stepdad, I wanted to kill him, however I knew that violence will not solve anything. He told me how sorry he was and that he knew he screwed up and that he just lost his temper. He has been with married to my ex for about 4yrs now and during this period my son would sometimes tell me that his stepdad would grab him by the next and tell him that he was going to kick his . I never really believed my son, because sometimes kids can be rebelious (biggest mistake in my life, for not acting sooner). My son mind you is now 9yrs old. My ex moved in with her parents and told me she was not going back with her husband. When my son went to school the teachers immediatelly contacted CPS and the police. When I spoke with the officer she told me that they were going to arrest the stepdad and press charges (something I should have done immediatelly). Now I find out that he will not be arrested and that my ex might move back in with him, CPS will not allow her to move back in for a few more weeks. I do not want to put my son in that position or even give the stepdad the opportunity to act out again, I fear it could be worse next time. My ex's parents have told me that if she decides to move back in with her husband they want to push for me to take full custody. Being that she already has full custody, what are my options. I am so confused and scared for my son's well being. I do not want to put my son in any danger. Please help

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Originally Posted by cire1013

Just a few days ago my ex called and told me that her husband had slammed my son into the his bed and forced the side of his head onto the mattress, leaving a bruise on my son's face. My ex was not home at the time when this happened. When I confronted the stepdad, I wanted to kill him, however I knew that violence will not solve anything. He told me how sorry he was and that he knew he screwed up and that he just lost his temper. He has been with married to my ex for about 4yrs now and during this period my son would sometimes tell me that his stepdad would grab him by the next and tell him that he was going to kick his . I never really believed my son, because sometimes kids can be rebelious (biggest mistake in my life, for not acting sooner). My son mind you is now 9yrs old. My ex moved in with her parents and told me she was not going back with her husband. When my son went to school the teachers immediatelly contacted CPS and the police. When I spoke with the officer she told me that they were going to arrest the stepdad and press charges (something I should have done immediatelly). Now I find out that he will not be arrested and that my ex might move back in with him, CPS will not allow her to move back in for a few more weeks. I do not want to put my son in that position or even give the stepdad the opportunity to act out again, I fear it could be worse next time. My ex's parents have told me that if she decides to move back in with her husband they want to push for me to take full custody. Being that she already has full custody, what are my options. I am so confused and scared for my son's well being. I do not want to put my son in any danger. Please help

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Friendly advice.
I think your ex's parents are thinking right, you should think about the welfare of your son. If its going to happen, then you should take custody of your son. By your doubts, you are already thinking right, you fear for the safety of your son. Use that fear to help your son get out of that misery he has into. Imagine you are in the shoes of your son, feel what he migth have felt during the time he is being manhandled staturally. Psychological Trauma is a greater crime, man. Think about it. God bless you.

If you are capable of taking care of your son and can prove that in court, you have NO CHOICE but to claim full custody! Try not to lose sleep about what you "should have done". The only thing that is important now, is keeping the two of them separate. Have you discussed with your ex the repercussions of her reuniting with this man?

The most important thing at the moment is the message you are giving to your son -- that you believe him and you are going to do everything in your power to protect him. This might create stress between you and your ex but your son's safety is more important than her feelings being hurt.

Cire, you know what you have to do.

Legally, you have excellent grounds to be able to win custody if it becomes a battle. The fact that your ex-inlaws are backing you will definitely work to your advantage here.

Always keep in mind that the new husband's violence against your son has escalated. The guy may be sorry but he cannot seem to control his violent tendencies and if you allow you son to stay in a household with that man, the results may be far worse than this last bruising. KEEP HIM OUT OF THAT HOUSE.

Get a lawyer and do not allow your child back into that house. "One more time", may be the time you will live to regret it.
You sound as if you know what to do. Now you must do it and forget what you should have done. The time to act is now.
Don't put this off another day.

I have to say the worst thing for a child is a parent that does not believe him about his step dad and his abuse. That hurt will be in him for a long time. The moment you did not believe him. I know this.

When I was younger my step father pushed me as I was walking down the stairs, told my mother about it and she did not believe me. Lets just say I left after that. There was only a couple of incidents but you get what I am saying to you.

It is very important that you show your son, that you believe him and need to be understanding and willing to show that your sorry for letting this go on.

Now it is time to prove that you do believe him and that you will do everything in your power to make sure this never happens again.

Good luck with everything. My thoughts are with your son.

Joe

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Originally Posted by cire1013

Just a few days ago my ex called and told me that her husband had slammed my son into the his bed and forced the side of his head onto the mattress, leaving a bruise on my son's face. My ex was not home at the time when this happened. When I confronted the stepdad, I wanted to kill him, however I knew that violence will not solve anything. He told me how sorry he was and that he knew he screwed up and that he just lost his temper. He has been with married to my ex for about 4yrs now and during this period my son would sometimes tell me that his stepdad would grab him by the next and tell him that he was going to kick his . I never really believed my son, because sometimes kids can be rebelious (biggest mistake in my life, for not acting sooner). My son mind you is now 9yrs old. My ex moved in with her parents and told me she was not going back with her husband. When my son went to school the teachers immediatelly contacted CPS and the police. When I spoke with the officer she told me that they were going to arrest the stepdad and press charges (something I should have done immediatelly). Now I find out that he will not be arrested and that my ex might move back in with him, CPS will not allow her to move back in for a few more weeks. I do not want to put my son in that position or even give the stepdad the opportunity to act out again, I fear it could be worse next time. My ex's parents have told me that if she decides to move back in with her husband they want to push for me to take full custody. Being that she already has full custody, what are my options. I am so confused and scared for my son's well being. I do not want to put my son in any danger. Please help

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Well I see this type of things happen everyday. Maybe cause I work in that department. Well my advise to you is to speak to CPS and tell them that you want your child in your custody and not his moms . Then go to the family court with the information that you have and the judge or county clerk will have to issue them a court date. Bring all the evidence you have like pictures, police and CPS reports. The best thing out of this is your son is old enough to speak out and say something.

Trust me when I say if he claims that he lost his temper and he will never do it again is a lie! Once a beater always a beater. Not to put something bad in your head but next time this happens (God willing it won't) you may not have a child.

I can honestly put my hand on my heart and say that if my husband EVER lay a hand on my kids or me for that matter he would be out the door more quick than he can come to terms with what has been said or done...
I had the worst upbringing my mum let her boyfriends beat me and my brothers for silly reasons and she wouldn't bat an eyelid about it either... I don't smack,slap or hit my kids so NO other person (even their father) would get away with touching them!!
I am their mother and I am here to protect them...
So your ex should stay away from her husband in my opinion because as people say if it happens once it could happen again but it could be more serious, and at the end of the day children should always come first... but that is just my opinion... I wish you the best of luck with all this cire and let us know how you get on

Cire, everyone has given you about the same advice and you know it is good advice. Please let us know how this is going. I am very worried about this child.
The truest thing I have ever heard is that once the touching or hitting line is crossed.. it will happen again and it gets worse every time. Do not wait. Act now.

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Originally Posted by cire1013

Just a few days ago my ex called and told me that her husband had slammed my son into the his bed and forced the side of his head onto the mattress, leaving a bruise on my son's face. My ex was not home at the time when this happened. When I confronted the stepdad, I wanted to kill him, however I knew that violence will not solve anything. He told me how sorry he was and that he knew he screwed up and that he just lost his temper. He has been with married to my ex for about 4yrs now and during this period my son would sometimes tell me that his stepdad would grab him by the next and tell him that he was going to kick his . I never really believed my son, because sometimes kids can be rebelious (biggest mistake in my life, for not acting sooner). My son mind you is now 9yrs old. My ex moved in with her parents and told me she was not going back with her husband. When my son went to school the teachers immediatelly contacted CPS and the police. When I spoke with the officer she told me that they were going to arrest the stepdad and press charges (something I should have done immediatelly). Now I find out that he will not be arrested and that my ex might move back in with him, CPS will not allow her to move back in for a few more weeks. I do not want to put my son in that position or even give the stepdad the opportunity to act out again, I fear it could be worse next time. My ex's parents have told me that if she decides to move back in with her husband they want to push for me to take full custody. Being that she already has full custody, what are my options. I am so confused and scared for my son's well being. I do not want to put my son in any danger. Please help

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Your son is only 9 and his safety has to come first -- I would push for full custody. Your ex can get her custody rights revoked if she moves back in with him. Sorry, but I have no compassion for a mother who would put her children at risk. Your son needs to know that some one loves him enough to put him first. If he has any behavior problems, that is the best first step at resolving any issues he may have.

"I'm so sorry, I'll never do it again.." How many times have we heard this on Oprah or Ricky Lake? What he did was a crime, and he WILL do it again. Just contact the authorities and KEEP PUSHING. Don't take "no" for an answer - they'll try to wear you down with pointless forms to fill in until you go away, but it's a certaintly that this guy is going to do it again.

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Originally Posted by cire1013

Just a few days ago my ex called and told me that her husband had slammed my son into the his bed and forced the side of his head onto the mattress, leaving a bruise on my son's face. My ex was not home at the time when this happened. When I confronted the stepdad, I wanted to kill him, however I knew that violence will not solve anything. He told me how sorry he was and that he knew he screwed up and that he just lost his temper. He has been with married to my ex for about 4yrs now and during this period my son would sometimes tell me that his stepdad would grab him by the next and tell him that he was going to kick his . I never really believed my son, because sometimes kids can be rebelious (biggest mistake in my life, for not acting sooner). My son mind you is now 9yrs old. My ex moved in with her parents and told me she was not going back with her husband. When my son went to school the teachers immediatelly contacted CPS and the police. When I spoke with the officer she told me that they were going to arrest the stepdad and press charges (something I should have done immediatelly). Now I find out that he will not be arrested and that my ex might move back in with him, CPS will not allow her to move back in for a few more weeks. I do not want to put my son in that position or even give the stepdad the opportunity to act out again, I fear it could be worse next time. My ex's parents have told me that if she decides to move back in with her husband they want to push for me to take full custody. Being that she already has full custody, what are my options. I am so confused and scared for my son's well being. I do not want to put my son in any danger. Please help

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I'm sorry but WHAT?? Your son came to you and you did not believe him? You always believe your child first no matter how rebellious. You always give them the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately for you, you didn't and perhaps because of this, there were many more similar situations for your son that he did not come to you with. The worst thing for a child is for a parent not to believe them. I don't where you're from, but where I live, when CPS services get involved in a situation like this the mother has one option, stay away from the man or lose your kids. I'm sorry if I sound like I'm judging you but believe me I'm not! You made a mistake, we all have, but this is the time to right your wrong and fight for your child!! It's going to be a long process but he's worth it. Don't give up and good luck

I am happy to hear that your exes parents are with you on this one... their support would be immeasurable in court. I agree that you can not allow your son to live under those conditions. Have you spoken to your ex since this all happened? Has she told you that she plans to move back in with the stepdad? I think you need to make it clear to her that if she does, you intend to sue for custody of your son. If she is apart from him you probably won't get custody if you sue. Most courts will only change an order like that if there is an immediate threat to the child, and if the stepdad is gone, there is no threat. Also, bear in mind that the stepdad may have to participate in counseling or anger management, and if he and your ex cooperate fully, they may still come out on top. (I know that is of no comfort to you.) I advise you to contact a family lawyer and examine your options. Please find someone reputable. Be wary of the lawyers who want nothing more than to line their pockets and will drag you into a long battle even if they know it can't be won.

On a more personal note, I agree that it was poor judgment not to believe your son, but I do agree that things need to be taken with a grain of salt if there has never been any evidence before. (I am not excusing what the stepdad did here in any way!) I suggest taking your son to a therapist so he can speak freely about what it is like in that house. Was this a one time incident? Or is it a regular occurrence? A counselor has the best chance of getting this information without scaring the child. Most importantly, let your son know you love him and want to protect him. And let your ex know where you stand. Demand to be included in the situation, and make sure she tells you what CPS' findings are. Ask her parents if you have to. Wish you and your son the best.

Oh this must be so painful for you. You said that you regretted not acting sooner and my advice is don't give yourself another reason to feel regret. Protect your son, go to court. Your son needs to know that you are his number one defender and that you will always protect him no matter what lengths you have to go to. Shame on your ex for allowing this to happen in her home to her son. Get a lawyer, get custody and let your ex know that she has failed her son and that you will not stand by and watch it. Good Luck!

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Originally Posted by cire1013

Just a few days ago my ex called and told me that her husband had slammed my son into the his bed and forced the side of his head onto the mattress, leaving a bruise on my son's face. My ex was not home at the time when this happened. When I confronted the stepdad, I wanted to kill him, however I knew that violence will not solve anything. He told me how sorry he was and that he knew he screwed up and that he just lost his temper. He has been with married to my ex for about 4yrs now and during this period my son would sometimes tell me that his stepdad would grab him by the next and tell him that he was going to kick his . I never really believed my son, because sometimes kids can be rebelious (biggest mistake in my life, for not acting sooner). My son mind you is now 9yrs old. My ex moved in with her parents and told me she was not going back with her husband. When my son went to school the teachers immediatelly contacted CPS and the police. When I spoke with the officer she told me that they were going to arrest the stepdad and press charges (something I should have done immediatelly). Now I find out that he will not be arrested and that my ex might move back in with him, CPS will not allow her to move back in for a few more weeks. I do not want to put my son in that position or even give the stepdad the opportunity to act out again, I fear it could be worse next time. My ex's parents have told me that if she decides to move back in with her husband they want to push for me to take full custody. Being that she already has full custody, what are my options. I am so confused and scared for my son's well being. I do not want to put my son in any danger. Please help

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You can always speak with a lawyer about this issue... Most lawyers do offer free consultations and will answer any questions you may have... I agree with you 100%... You need to get your child out of that type of environment before he really gets hurt or worse... Take action immediately... Even if she does not move back in with him, he could lose his temper again and come after her and your son saying it is your son's fault that she left this guy... ACT NOW!!

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Originally Posted by cire1013

Just a few days ago my ex called and told me that her husband had slammed my son into the his bed and forced the side of his head onto the mattress, leaving a bruise on my son's face. My ex was not home at the time when this happened. When I confronted the stepdad, I wanted to kill him, however I knew that violence will not solve anything. He told me how sorry he was and that he knew he screwed up and that he just lost his temper. He has been with married to my ex for about 4yrs now and during this period my son would sometimes tell me that his stepdad would grab him by the next and tell him that he was going to kick his . I never really believed my son, because sometimes kids can be rebelious (biggest mistake in my life, for not acting sooner). My son mind you is now 9yrs old. My ex moved in with her parents and told me she was not going back with her husband. When my son went to school the teachers immediatelly contacted CPS and the police. When I spoke with the officer she told me that they were going to arrest the stepdad and press charges (something I should have done immediatelly). Now I find out that he will not be arrested and that my ex might move back in with him, CPS will not allow her to move back in for a few more weeks. I do not want to put my son in that position or even give the stepdad the opportunity to act out again, I fear it could be worse next time. My ex's parents have told me that if she decides to move back in with her husband they want to push for me to take full custody. Being that she already has full custody, what are my options. I am so confused and scared for my son's well being. I do not want to put my son in any danger. Please help

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I am a family law lawyer, and it sounds to me as though you are in a very good position to get custody of your son. Try to focus on what needs to be done now to protect him - he needs it. If you can't afford a lawyer, go to the courthouse and find out what help is available for free - sometimes you can get a lower cost attorney (called Modest Means - consult your local Bar Association). If you can't afford that, you can probably do it yourself for free. You just need to fill out some papers (called a motion or Order to Show Cause) and file them at the courthouse. I would try to talk to your ex about it - tell her that it doesn't have anything to do with her, you're just worried that this is getting worse and you feel like you have to protect your son - you could also say that if you get custody, you're not going to keep your son from her, or anything, and it's not necessarily permanent, if she stays away from this guy you can revisit the issue, etc. etc. - it's always best to try to keep everyone as calm as possible. But if you want custody, I bet you'll get it - by the info that you posted.

As vlee said take your son to a counselor, the counselor can act as a advocate for your son in court, not to mention help him deal with the abuse he has already been through

I agree with redpepper 53 - counselor may not be able to testify in court, but a counselor could talk to the mediator and it certainly wouldn't hurt. Also, counselors are mandatory reporters of abuse.

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Originally Posted by Kasundra25

You can always speak with a lawyer about this issue....Most lawyers do offer free consultations and will answer any questions you may have....I agree with you 100%.....You need to get your child out of that type of environment before he really gets hurt or worse....Take action immediately....Even if she does not move back in with him, he could lose his temper again and come after her and your son saying it is your son's fault that she left this guy.....ACT NOW!!!!

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Most family law lawyers do not offer free consultations in my experience, but the charge isn't huge - and you may very well be able to deal with this without a lawyer - as a family law lawyer, I speak from substantial experience.