Just recently my girlfriend and I started to get more... intimate. For us, sex isn't just about the pleasure (that's actually a background part of it... ) but more about the intimacy and the closeness we feel during it, but the need to pleasure one another is still there and something I am honestly concerned with. I know she enjoys it, but I have yet to be able to do anything to actually make her orgasm. She was in sexual relationships before me, and says that it's just her - according to her, she's only done so twice, both of which were from masturbation and not actual sex, using a vibrator, and even then she had to hold her breath in order to do it. I can feel the work up to it... her breathing gets heavier, she clenches me and starts to push against my hand or body... then it just stops and disappears, like going up on a curve and instead of reaching a maximum just dropping back down to zero suddenly. I believe her that it's not I'm doing anything wrong (at first I was concerned I was hurting her somehow... ) but she just can't keep it up to an orgasm. Like I said before, pleasure isn't the main focus of our sex, but it makes me feel like such an ******* walking away from sex pleased like that and knowing she wasn't like I was, even if she still enjoyed it.

How old would you, and your girl be my friend?

I am 20 and she is 19.

Relax, and let her do what she wants, and as she finds what works for her, be it a technique, or position, she will pop her cork.

Ask her after you get yours and she tries to get hers, if she needs more stimulation. Better yet wait until she gets hers, or tries enough, before you allow yourself to get your own.

Then there is extending the foreplay longer. Pay attention and make her the focus. Experiment and try things differently, heck, that's most of the fun.

What she 'wants' ends up just being finishing me then cuddling. I love cuddling just as much as the sex, but I still want to make her finish. And like I've said, I've tried a couple different positions and at one point just went down on her for a good half hour. I could feel from her motions and how hard she gripped my head that she was building up to one, but it kept just disappearing and she was disappointed every time, I can't seem to find a way to get her over that 'hump' instead of it just going poof. I'd be willing to do anything she asked if she knew a position she liked, but I even did the same that she said she did during the two times that she did it, but that's not replicating it either. I didn't know if there was anything in particular that was wrong that we could get treated and/or fixed that we just didn't know about, or if it's something we'll just have to continue to try to overcome.

LOL, relax, and keep trying. Don't make this a head trip on your part. You both will learn more things later, as time goes on.

wulfheart, stop trying so hard. By the way, how long have you been dating and how long have you been having sex?

When you feel her starting to tense up, do you change what you are doing? Sometimes it can be instinctive to change the pace because of excitement or thinking that will help her. However, it could have the opposite effect.

Some women never orgasm.

Some women can only orgasm through masturbation when they are alone.

Some women can orgasm and not even know it because their body doesn't respond the way they have been lead to believe it should by the media. Not everyone has mind-shattering orgasms and the muscle contractions are not always that strong. Most of the time a man can't tell when his partner climaxes.

Many younger women (those in their teens and early twenties) can find it more difficult to climax. For some it seems to come more easily as their body matures.

When all of the focus is on the destination, the wonderful scenery along the way gets missed. All of the 'connection' that you are trying achieve gets lost because it stops being the reason for being intimate. The orgasm becomes a distraction.

Sex should be fun as well as connecting. When sex becomes extremely serious, it can make it harder to relax. Fantasy can be a way to connect mentally as well as physically and could help her let any possible inhibitions go.

If you keep making sex about her having an orgasm, it will get to the point where she feels inadequate as a partner. Like she isn't 'woman enough' because she can't give you what you want. Yes, I know you say you want it for her. But if you pay attention to what you have written, you will notice the signs that is becoming about your needs not hers.

Women are not wired the same way men are. For us, orgasm begins in the brain. It triggers the body's responses. They begin a feedback loop that builds up to a climax. Distractions such as being worried about not having one or not being enough for our partners can disrupt the loop.

Relax and have fun. Enjoy the journey. She seems to be. Build up the relationship including the trust and (I hope) love you both feel. Try new things because they are interesting to both of you not because 'this may do the trick'.

A couple of things to try:

Slow down the pace to where it is more of a grind instead of pumping.

Experiment on finding what your personal 'main' erogenous zones are.

Talk to each other and share your fantasies.

Look into Tantric Sex. It sounds like it may be something both of you can find stimulating.

Good luck and try not make climaxing the main focus.