Overly Jealous and Paranoid Boyfriend?
Hi all,
I've got a situation on my hands and would love some feedback (in fact, I'm in desperate need of it right now!)
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 1.5 years, and we also live together. Toward the beginning of our relationship, I made a stupid decision: I had a coffee with one of my exes (who I will always consider a friend rather than an ex¯ since we were friends for years and dated for about a week) Anyway, I ended up leaving our get together early, because it was clear to me that he wasn't supportive of my new man. So I left!
Long story short, my boyfriend found out and made a HUGE deal of it, and still brings it up all the time. The ONLY other contact I've had with an ex without my boyfriend being present was a work-related message I sent to my long term ex (we broke up four years ago!) and it was COMPLETELY platonic. Those are the only two occasions where I had any contact whatsoever with my exes.
Flash forward to now my boyfriend still has trouble with it. I get the feeling that he thinks I had a LOT more contact with my exes than I actually did and that I was somehow interested in rekindling something with them. This is ABSOLUTELY not the case, I love my boyfriend terribly and if I had feelings for another I would be real about it. But, I don't. Not even a little bit!
I let him know how terribly sorry I was for meeting with an ex¯ to have coffee several times. (I can put myself in his shoes and understand how that must have made him feel, even if my intentions were 100% platonic.) However, my boyfriend is still pretty good friends with a few of his exes. He still hangs out with one of his exes on the regular, and hangs out with other girls (goes to movie, dinner, etc.) I know I can trust him, so I don't freak out and tell him to have a nice time.
So this morning, he was driving me to work and I was talking about a friend of mine who is getting divorced. This friend of mine had at one point traded sexually explicit emails with an ex while she was still married. I expressed how I felt about the situation, and that I would be heartbroken if anyone ever did that to me. Then, my boyfriend got quiet and weird and after some silence said, Yeah, whenever the girl I'm seeing starts talking to exes I just go talk to random girls and don't tell her about it. He didn't say I love you or kiss me goodbye like he normally does either.
Guys, this stuff makes me insane in the membrane! My questions are 1. Is this a huge double standard? I had one face to face meeting with an ex for 15 minutes. He still sees an ex of his on the regular (and probably others). He still gives me grief about the 15 minute meeting! And 2. Have I committed a huge foul? I heard him when he told me he was hurt and haven't sought out contact with any of my exes. I don't speak to any of them anymore (nor do I have the desire to!)
Thank you,
Hurt and confused