Things I've learnt:

1. During the break up, discuss about the problem that is causing the break up and see if there's a way to fix it. So you won't regret later, or be wondering what you could've done. (this is probably hard to do, since no one can be level headed during a break up)
2. Stop looking at things you could've done to fix the relationship as soon as possible.
3. Stop blaming yourself
4. Stop wondering if your ex will come back
5. Accept that the relationship is over
6. Refrain from speaking to your ex about the relationship, you'll most likely end up getting more hurt.
7. instead of focusing on ways you can get your ex back, you should instead focus on moving on.
8. Cherish the people that care about you, don't ever take anyone for granted
9. Stop wondering what your ex is up to
10. If they found someone new, don't go digging info about that new person.
11. FOCUS ON YOURSELF, NOT YOUR EX..
12. Be positive, things will get better eventually. It's not the end of the world

sigh, I'm still really hurt and sad. = = I really want to feel better. What else can I do?

You forgot some of the most important stuff... Remember that it's going to be more important for you, in the end, to worry about yourself FIRST and FOREMOST. I know that sounds ridiculous... But consider the world. To say that people are selfish is like saying that water is wet. The sooner you adopt that truth into your heart the sooner things will begin to make sense again.

The most important thing I learned was that I, personally, was indeed at fault for a lot of what happened. It is silly to absolve yourself from responsibility! That said, you are not more or less at fault then the other party (even if they did the dumping). Everything that happened happened for a reason - internalize that, but remember that it's about growth and NOT throwing a pity party!

Remember that you were happy before you met this person. You were fun, friendly and knew how to have a good time. To return to that state is not impossible - in fact, the sooner you walk away from your ex (walk away... Do not forget) the sooner you'll come to see your own worth.

That's what I learned, anyway... And countless other stuff too tedious to document.

I've had to many break ups to list all the lessons I have learned but the main ones are to go slow and know when to back off. Never put anyone before me except the God that I understand.

That's a great list and I don't think I could add anymore. LBP you'll find that the original poster did have look after yourself in his list! No. 11!!

Good list and can't argue with any of them! Though a lot of them are very hard for people to understand and accept and they end up learning the hard way!

I think the process of allowing yourself to feel sad, angry, hurt, etc. are very important in healing. If you can stay in control of making the situation worse - it would be the best thing you could do for your self-esteem. Contacting the person makes the situation worse and worse. I truly believe "small goals" are helpful - a day at a time.

Most important thing I learned from my first break-up is to never apologize for something you didn't do.

The most important thing I've learned more recently is that when somebody uses secret means (in this specific case religious practices) to try to squash her emotions towards you, you really shouldn't give them another chance.

Well, among the many things I've learned from a break-up (the few that mattered), accepting the negative things about myself had to be the toughest, true love doesn't happen between the sheets overnight, you can find a good man in the same place you find a good woman, never to feel guilty about leaving someone who is or has hurt me and not to fall for any guilt trips.

I also realize that I learnt a lot from this relationship and this website about myself.

I've notice that many of you are a lot older than me here, I'm only 20. Still in school, and I generally don't know much about my future. I realize that at my age people aren't really ready to committ to anything serious, and that we're all really still searching for self-identity.

I also do not have a lot of self-esteem. I think I really need to become confident, independent, happy, and comfortable with myself before I get into a relationship. I feel like I've gotten into relationships to feel like I'm wanted or needed. I would start liking someone, because they like me. I just want someone there to assure me of who I am, and what I'm capable of. I think I need to really focus on myself, get my act together.

So I guess what I'm saying is, I shouldn't get into a relationship with someone else until I can look at the mirror and be proud of who I see. Otherwise it would be unfair to myself and the other person. If I don't know who I am, or what I want in life. How can I possibly know what I want in a relationship, or what I want from my partner? So I really want to be happy with single life, and content with where I am in at life, before I committ deeply, seriously to someone else.

But before that going on a few dates won't hurt right ;)

Edit:
I realize I don't want to get into a relationship because I want someone to depend on. But someone that I truly truly like and want to get to know better and sees where things go from there

After break-up,there is no need to turn back.Most important thing"U should keep moving all the time instead of waiting for favourable situations to come"

kaitou... great answer. I'm in the same spot as you. I realized I was just liking anyone who would like me back or make me feel good. It's all about becoming independent and feeling good about yourself!

Quote:

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but before that going on a few dates won't hurt right ;)

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As long as you follow a few simple rules dating is great.
1. Have FUN
2. Get to know who your dating
3.Go slow because your not looking for a husband, just enjoying yourself
4.Never forget you have your own life that you enjoy without them
5.Never forget who you are, and why you do what you do
6. Never give some one control over you even if his eyes are blue.
7. Make them earn your respect and go slow
8.After 6 months no matter the attraction is still about dating and having fun
9. Why be exclusive as the best part of being single is being FREE
10. GO VERY SLOW, whats the hurry?

Enjoy your youth and build your future on what you want, you do not have to settle, or rush into anything, or take BS from anyone.

Nowhere to go nowhere to hide... is the situation one person face when they face a break-up... am in the process of having a breakup... can't tell anyone anything.. because once I fought with everyone from parents to my friends to keep this relationship and her... happy.They can see the pain in my eyes... and can predict me so well that all of them are trying to keep me happy as much as they can.. so buddy please don't bet your life on your love... THINGS DO CHANGE.. the person who used to love you like anything could turn a deaf ear to your calls.. so when things change you can also change yourself...