I am a Grandma of 2 beautiful boys who I love dearly. In the past I have minded one so my daughter could go back to work. I have also babysat when they have gone out etc etc... in short I have been there when they needed me. I have also spent quite a lot of money buying things for them. I am now on an old age pension and have to watch what I spend. I'm starting to feel resentful as when we are out (I'm helping out with the kids) they will not even buy me a cup of coffee in fact they often sit back and wait for me to foot the bill. I have now decided that I can't continue. I feel they are resenting the fact that I'm now watching my money. (I have explained why). Next year I will be minding the next one so my daughter can work again. They go on overseas trips ( I mind the kids). I don't want to sound mean but I feel unappreciated. I would love them to say "Mum, I'll buy coffee today.....you have been doing a lot for us" but that would never happen. My son-in-law treats me with disrespect. I'm just fed up!
I love my Grandchildren and don't want to jeopardise our relationship. My Grandchildren also idolise me.

As Ann Landers used to say, nobody can take advantage of you without your permission.

You have become predictable to them, and that predictablility is something they expect.

It is time to have a good chat with them. Let them know again, that you can no longer afford ANY extras, such as meals out, things the kids may need, small loans (if there are any), etc. The money you have has to be managed for you to meet your own needs. Period.

That being settled, I suspect that you may be a little afraid of them retaliating with keeping the grandchildren from you. They may in the beginning to test your resolve, and you should be prepared for that.

But, if they can afford trips, and live a much better life because they have more resources than you do, if they have two brain cells to rub together, they will soon realize that their children benefit from YOU. Not your money. I would hope that they would not deny the children the importance of a relationship with you.

In the meanwhile, consider finding things to do to keep busier. You could volunteer, take a course, get into a senior's club with others who have limited resources but want the company and activities of other people.

Consider babysitting- but charge them a nominal fee, the next time you are footing the bill at home, while they are overseas on vacation. Even enough to cover the extra cost of food.

You do have many options. One should not be blackmail. But, if it is, and they keep the children from you, so be it. I think they'll come around, and in the meanwhile you are sending them a very reasonable message, that you have to stick to.

I can't see any other way to bring about change.

Thank you for your very wise words... I really appreciate them.
I realise I cannot change their attitude towards me but it hurts. Their meanness towards me is something I just don't understand. I am already starting to not be so available which is not going down very well.
It's hard.

I agree wholeheartedly with Jake2008...

Next time dining out is suggested, you could always say something similar to: "I would love to go, but I just can't afford it this time", or "I would love to go; but I'll have to let you get the bill this time around".

When you do have the grandchildren round, find things to do that don't cost anything, or that are inexpensive, but will build long time memories of time spent with you. Go to the library, bake cookies together, read books or work puzzles together, play simple board games, teach them some card games, go for walks, visit a nearby park, let them create "masterpieces" with scraps of paper, ribbon, material, glue, etc.

@DoulaLC
Many thanks for your response. Yes, I do have a great relationship with my Grandchildren... we do all those things together. I get as much out of those things as they do!
The nitty gritty of my problem is the attitude of my daughter and her husband. He shows me absolutely no respect and I'm just craving for a few nice gestures from them to show me I'm appreciated. I think I'll have to wait until hell freezes over!

It's truly a shame... making yourself a bit more scarce may help them to see how much they have depended on you. Hopefully it will also help them to see how much they took for granted.

If they comment, I'd do as was suggested and have another chat with them. Certainly let them know how much you enjoy helping them out with the kids from time to time, but that the monetary situation is such that you simply won't be able to do as much as you have in the past.

You could word it as such, "You know how much I enjoy spoiling all of you, with dinners and such, but I am thankful that you are so understanding knowing that my money situation has changed and I simply won't be able to continue providing as much as I have in the past".

Then smile sweetly... :D

Thank you! It's great to have a whinge!
It's nice also to get reassurance that I'm not being unreasonable.
I've decided to ask my daughter to mind my cat while I go away for a few days! :-)

Once they hear a few 'no's', they will be forced to change their tune, because they will want more 'yes's'.

Just wanted to add that it is so easy to be in the position you are now, many of us have been there. But just as easily as it happened, it will be equally as hard to set a new standard, and stick to it.

But the rewards will be worth it. And one reward down the road is that you have taught these two adults that it isn't okay to treat anybody this way, and that in turn will be a good lesson for their children. So all the way around, you are doing the right thing.

What is a whinge, Butterfly?

Hi Jake,
Many thanks for your comments.
" A whinge" is a moan, whining complaint. (I guess it's an Australian expression!)

Here is a better meaning:

Whinge (Informal)
Verb
Complain, moan, grumble, grouse, gripe (informal), beef (slang), carp, bleat, grizzle (informal, chiefly Brit.), grouch (informal), bellyache (slang), kvetch (U.S. slang) people who whinge about their alleged misfortunes
Noun
Complaint, moan, grumble, whine, grouse, gripe (informal), grouch, beef (slang) It must be depressing having to listen to everyone's whinges.

Ahhh, thank you. If you don't mind, I'm going to adapt that word here in Canada.

I guess that makes me a whinger when it's my turn to gripe, which I do often! Haha.

Thanks for that Butterfly.

Long live all the "whingers" of this world. (Good therapy!)

A good whinge now and then keeps one from going mad... :D