I'm 16 and my ex is 18. Before we started dating we became really close. We really have something special.

We dated for about 2 months. Many of you guys will probably tell me that we're too young and that 2 months is not very long, but I think it's a rare exception. He's a really special guy. He acted kind of funny for about a week or two before he broke up with me and told me he was afraid of a serious relationship and that he feels freaked out. He told me I didn't do anything wrong and that he still cares about me.

Its been about a month since the breakup and we still talk and see each other every once in a while. I can tell that he still cares about me, but I don't know how to get him over that edge and take me back.

He says he has tried to fix it but he doesn't think he can make me happy how he is.

Please help me! He is my best friend.

If anyone has any comments please say it! I know Ive heard of using reverse psychology, but I don't know if that will work completely.. I really need some help. I don't know what to do. I feel like he let it slip away..

You don't, if he is your best friend and you love him then what you do is respect him and respect his decisions. He has broken up with you, it doesn't matter if he still cares of if he is still talking to you. You need to accept the break up and start moving on by exercising no contact with him until you get complete over this relationship.

I completely understand what you're saying,but he is unavoidable. I see him everyday and he talks to me like he misses me. Im stuck.


If he can't get over it then why should I? Its not that kind of a break up. Nobody did anything wrong and there is nothing wrong with how we actually get along. I can tell he wants me back so... yeah

There is only ONE kind of brake up, regardless of what you may think. And that happens whenever one of the parties of a relationship decides they not longer want to continue with the relationship. By what YOU wrote, he has ended the relationship and the best thing to do here would be to accept and respect his decision, and start moving on. This is the BEST option for you whether you agree with it or not... However, what you decide to do is completely up to you.

Also, if "there is nothing wrong with how we actually get along"... then what is it that you are looking for if you are fine of how things are?? A Facebook status change?

I am not fine with how things are! All I meant is that when we were in the relationship there was nothing wrong. He has his own personal issue which he feels is causing him to not want to date anyone at all. I can see he still loves me that's why its so hard.

I think you are percieving me as a ditsy, ignorant, teenager. Personally I don't give a crap about what my Facebook relationship status says...

I agree that No Contact is probably the best thing you can do right now. You may see him every day but that does not mean you have to talk to him or encourage him to talk to you. You can be polite and move away or only discuss non-personal topics.

The reason for stepping back is to give both of you a chance to heal and work through any confusion that you feel as well as any other issues in your lives. Understand that even if you became a couple again today, it would not be the same relationship you had before the break up. There is no going back. However, by giving yourself time to let go of the past and heal, you will have a better chance making a new relationship work with him or someone else.

Quite frankly, there was something wrong in your previous relationship-he wasn't fully ready for it at that time. Whatever he has going on in his life is keeping him from being able to give attention to a relationship. It sounds like something he needs to take time to get through and though he is 'fixing' it (or trying to), he still needs space and time. Having feelings for you does not change what his needs are and only seems to be complicating his healing process.

How long did you know him before you started dating?

At sixteen, it probably does feel like you love him with all of your heart and want no one but him. However, as you mature and get more experience, you will learn that loving someone isn't always enough to keep a relationship viable. Sometimes, you have to let go even when it hurts. It's a not-so-great part of growing up. Most of us have been there and do understand what you are going through. Take it from someone who has had to 'move on', it does get better. You don't forget but the feelings fade. And someday, you meet the man who makes the past disappear.

It takes time and at first it does hurt. But give yourself ways to stay busy and don't dwell on the past. If you can, get involved in activities where you can meet new people and make new friends. It does help when you can talk to people who don't know about your ex or the relationship.

Take care of yourself.

I think you have to accept that your relationship has changed from good friends, to dating/romance, and now its back to just friends.

Don't play games with a good friend because they no longer want to date or have romantic feelings. Be friends, and have your own thing to do even if it means you need time apart from the friendship to adjust to being friends again.

He probably still does love you as a friend, so forget the romance and dating.

we weren't friends for very long beforehand. Probably about 2 or three months. He wasn't my best friend before we started dating. He BECAME my best friend. We did go through a period where we did not talk or see each other. When we started talking again it was weird. Like we both wanted each other but we kept our disance. And then to make things even more complicated, one day he just randomly kissed me. He doesn't have anything tragic in his life right now.. he's just scared. I think I gave the wrong impression. WE WERE NOT best friends before. We were friends before because we were interested in each other.

you guys keep saying give it space, but we are both moving towards being in a relationship again. That seems kind of counterproductive. There are couples that get back together

Yes there are, some make up/break up many times. But you said he didn't want to date anyone, so you give the impression all HE wants is friendship, that's what you wrote. You speak of tricks and strategies to get him back, there are none, other than voodoo, and manipulative deception.

If you are talking and working things out, fine keep doing that. But know, unless he wants what you want, its not going to work. Unless he overcomes his fears, its not going to work.

If you cannot let your best friend just be a best friend and expect no more from him than that, its not going to work. A friendship is a relationship, so what is it you really want? A boyfriend, cuddles and kisses, a title, what? I am confused as to what you are trying to accomplish.

Are you both trying to get back together, or is it just you, and he is happy with the way things are?

Haha I'm sorry. I guess I wasn't clear. I haven't asked him what he wants because I don't want to be pushy or anything. It seems as though he wants to be more than friends, he was just "freaked out".

I want him to be my boyfriend again. Not for cuddles etc. but the entire feeling of being with him.

That's the problem, you have to be more direct and see where you both stand and what you both want.

You assume he wants more, better find out what the facts are. He is an 18 year old guy. It honestly sounds like he was letting you down easy, and does indeed just wants friendship. You may need time to adjust your thinking.

That's why you need to be direct.

What do you mean by letting me down easy.. what does that have to do with him being 18? I'm not sure how to be direct about it. Just ask him? I did once and he said he didn't know..

I am preciving you as a teenager that has gotten broken up with and is still looking to get back together with her ex-boyfriend.

You stated: "when we were in the relationship there was nothing wrong."

This is correct, you used to be in a relationship with this person, however, this is not longer the case, it is time to accept this and start moving on. Holding on like this will only make the healing process take longer, if he has decided that he doesn't want to be with you, you need to respect that. I am sorry if I made you believe that I think you are ignorant and all those other things. That was not my intention, what I am trying to make you realize is that this relationship is over. Thank him for the experience, it is time to open the next chapter in your life. Focus on school.

Omg these people are harsh... I am going through the same thing as you girl!
Id suggest to just make him jealous. At our age that always is key.

If he is not the jealous type reallyyy give him lots of space. That will make him come running to you. Let him be the initiator.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by itseasy76

Omg these people are harsh.... I am going through the same thing as you girl!
Id suggest to just make him jealous. at our age that always is key.

If he is not the jealous type really give him lots of space. That will make him come running to you. Let him be the initiator.

---

We aren't trying to be harsh. We are being realistic. Unfortunately, Life is harsh, but you don't have to make it worse.

One of the worst things a person can do to get back an ex is to play games such as trying to make the ex 'jealous'. Jealousy stems from insecurity and insecurity should never be part of the foundation of a relationship.

Many times when jealousy 'works' there is a lasting concern on the part of the 'ex' that the person will still be playing games after the relationship resumes. The insecurity causes more problems and solves none.

Giving the ex space is not to have him come running. It is to heal yourself. It is to give you time and space to let go of the hurt, anger, frustration, and other negative emotions. They are baggage you do not need to carry with you or put onto someone else.

Don't play games with relationships. If the person doesn't want to be with you at this time, do not try to manipulate them into doing what you think you want. Either a couple communicates and works together to be a couple or they walk away.

Relationships are hard enough to maintain without adding insecurity and manipulation.