Uh Hi. Im not really sure how to word this so I'm just going to give it a shot.

I'm 23, (almost 24), and living in my fiance's parents' basement. My fiancé and I were heavy drug users for three years, and his parents, who are overly generous, let us live here, fed us and pretty much took care of us like they do now.

Don't get me wrong, I greatly appreciate all they do for me, but I've felt bad about it for so long, and now I have no idea how to end the cycle. I want to be a self reliant adult like I should be, but I'm also scared as heck to be relying on myself.

I don't come from a good background, and when I first moved in, it was the first time I've ever felt like part of a real family that loved me. I'm not really sure what to do. I've never had a full time job that paid more than minimum wage, and that isn't very much.

As of now, I'm trying to get into school, but it's becoming problematic, and I won't be able to start until July, if at all. I truly want to stop depending on them and become self reliant, I'm just not really sure how to do it.

I know this is a really pathetic post, and I know I'm a pretty big failure, but I want to change that. I know I'm going to have to get over being scared and dive in, but I'm not sure where to start, aside from getting a better job.

I don't want to be like my dad, and living with my father when I'm 52, and I don't want to be like my mother who only marries men for money. I want my fiancé and I to be able to depend on the people we should be depening on - US.

Please help.

This post is anything but pathetic. It shows you care and that is already a step ahead of a lot of people out there. Instead of looking at it like a terrible situation... look at it as a blessing. At least you have a place in a healthy family and are taken care of when you can't take care of yourself. Many people do not have that. Are his parents aware of the drug use? Do you guys still use? I know I might sounds preachy here, but I don't care. There is a hand that can reach down to where you are, and there is a light that can pierce your darkness. I am talking about Jesus Christ. If I was to give any advice here, it would be to look to Him to clean up your life. He'll meet you half way, you put forth the effort and He'll give you the ability.

We have been drug free for several months and they are aware of what was happening and supportive in our recovery which has been pretty easy for me but not so much for my fiancé.

Congratulations on getting this far out of the rabbit hole!!

I know it probably sounds empty to you, but just the fact that you are aware of the situation you are in, want to get out of it, and you stopped using - it's just simply amazing!

You should be feeling great, because you are farther along than most people. You will learn how to be on your own. You don't have to have it all happen at once. Baby steps.

Write down your goals, and then break them up into little steps. One at a time. And, I would kiss the feet of your in-laws every day for being the gift they are for you and your mate.

Can you write down your goals and then start thinking of the steps for each of them? We can help, if you want.

Congratulations, and thank you for coming to our site for help. You are by no means pathetic, nor alone.

Cliff's right, this is something that is going to come with steps... and steps aren't really made without goals.

You have made more progress than you realize. That rabbit hole has lost its grip on you already.

As Cliff and HH pointed out , to realize the hopelessness of your situation as it was and Do something....actually do something without getting arrested first and being forced to do it by a judge,after some time in jail.You did it byyourself which makes you 1 out of 500 statistically speaking.

And to get clean at the same time is amazing. I know how hard this is to do with any drug or other addiction.
You are my hero of the week.

Now tell your boyfriend he better follow suit post haste before some other guy who is not in a drug fog takes the best thing that he has going for him ,away from him.

Congrats on beginning to really live . I admire your courage and tenacity .

I think once you both start doing things that are dependable and responsible, you will be independent, and self reliant, and can depend on each other. Be patient, as it takes time and work to accomplish. You have already come a long way, further than you think, and dealt with some tough obstacles already, so keep going.

Much Luck

The first thing that stands out to me is that you punish yourself, and you fear being like your parents. I suggest start by asking yourself, did I get punished when I was a child and what for? How did I feel? And feel that. Because right now, you are on autopilot acting out their punishment onto you for being your real self. You have the emotions your parents put into you. If you're humble enough too feel them, you'll be free to live more as yourself.