Ask Me Help Desk - Should I Leave My Husband?

OK My Name is Rachelle I am 25yrs old and I have been married to Joe (29yrs) for 6 years and we have 4 kids 3 of them together they are 8,5,2,1 I have been married once before and gotten a divorce now I am trying to decide if leaving my husband is the best thing? I Know I am not in Love with him I LOVE him but there really is a difference! I know we have kids together and he is the best dad sometimes he argues when I ask him to help me with them.. But he is really controlling he has gotten better but he won't let me go out with my friends at all and he won't talk to any of his old friends either and go hang out I am like we need our space! Anyway he treats my son like crap he says it is just me but my son is 8 and he is not his real son well he is always picking on him and the other night he smacked him on the back of the neck and said "RED NECK" and My son started crying and I said Joe you did not need to hit him like that and he said "oh he is a little *****" I was like Joe he is a little kid! WE have fought so much and I have fallen out of love with him I think I am only with him because I Love his mom and dad and sisters to be honest cause they Love all of my kids I know they will still be there for them but it would be awkward! He treats me good for the most part but I am not sexually attracted to him at all and I need that! WHAT SHOULD I DO any advice?

There is too Much info to put all in there lol... WOW I messed up bad !

Let's see - he smacks one of your children around and (minimally) calls the child names.

Yes, I think you should leave. It isn't about you - it's about the safety of your child(ren).

I trust you are reporting these incidents to CPS or the Police?

You were 18 years old when you married your second husband, and have had three kids in six years with him.

Prior to that, you were married with one child, before the age of 18. It sounds like you went from the frying pan into the fire.

He physically and emotionally abuses the one child he clearly does not accept as his own. I doubt that all of his anger is taken out on the one child; you may only consider this to be notable because it is physical. I can assure you, all the other children are affected as well. Does he physically abuse you as well?

What makes you think reasoning with him to stop, will make him stop.

Have you considered the long term consequences for any of these children, by staying where you are? Have you begun to figure out what your alternatives are in staying vs. leaving? Do you know what community resources are available, and do you have any job skills, or even know where and how to apply for subsidized housing, daycare, education?

Until you figure out what your needs are, and your children's needs are, and do your homework, the question you started with, "Should I leave my husband" is really a moot point.

Your 8 year old alone is quickly learning how to treat women, how to express anger, and how muscle can control anything. He will rebel, and find himself in trouble in the not too distant future, because what he sees in the 'man' in his life, is how he will likely become.

We hear it all the time. I abused my wife/girlfriend because I was abused as a child- it's all I know.

This has nothing to do with 'love' you say you feel toward your husband. It has only to do with the well being of your children, physically, emotionally, psychologically, and every which way. What you decide- for their sake- will affect their future.

To put their needs first, ALL of them, should point you in the direction of finding a way of becoming a strong, independent woman, capable of living a life under your own steam, providing for your children yourself, and avoiding yet another generation of screwed up kids who come from an abusive home.

What are you prepared to do.

So many reasons to leave him, that I don't know where to begin. I'll start with the deal breaker . He treats your child like crap. BIG deal breaker. Get out asap. You deserve better. And most of all be WISE in your next choice of men.

Get yourself together and leave him your firs consurn is your children I know it hard but in long run it is best for your children

You suck! I wrote a very important answer that I could never repeat! This web site sucks.

Ok, I will try this again because its important. Let me tell you where I am, and you could be, 10 years from now. At the age of 22 or 13 , your son will lose all faith in you, and will leave you to go live somewhere he is not abused, hopefully that will be his father, or a family member, and not the streets. You will be in significant pain when this happens, but still not ready to give up this man whom you think is your last chance for happiness, but really is your road to misery. I buried my son 3 months after his 18th birthday because, even though I knew he was unhappy, I thought that it was more important for mom to be happy, cause then everyone would be happy. My son ran away to escape the frustration of living with a man who abused him mentally and physically, and controlled his mom to.keep her from doing anything about it. No doubt, I was a coward and the first time he got nasty, or laid hands on my baby I should have been the she bear that separated his **** from his nut sack and fed it to him, but I wasn't the mama he needed. He died naked and alone after being robbed in a place he wouldn't have been, had he felt comfortable enough to come home. He died naked in the bushes at a park, because he needed somewhere to be, and didn't trust me enough for my house to be that place. I have lived every day for the last 6 years, knowing that I actually killed my child, because I cared more for a man who was not even as capable of love as my son when it came to heart. I gave his life for a relationship I now know was already dead, and never had a chance anyway because for him it was never about me, or my kids. It was always about him. I don't know what you are going to do, this is a problem as old as man.perhaps we Women need to acknowledge that men are like lions and will kill any young you have had with another male. I myself don't want to be with another man, they, and I disgust me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rlaaambert

Women need to acknowledge that men are like lions and will kill any young you have had with another male. I myself don't want to be with another man, they, and I disgust me.

You need professional counselling.