2 years ago my 13 yr old daughter came to me and told me that my uncle, her great uncle, had been giving her meth and had tried to touch her. (The was during a 5 month period. He was my mom's brother, she died when I was 17 and he was the only living family member I had left and was living with me upon release from prison for drugs. I loved him a lot and never thought I had to protect my children from him. Let me also tell you that I had a problem with drugs and through a 12 step program had 5 months clean and sober when he moved in with me and my girls. I relapsed 2 months after he moved in and my relapse lasted 7 months. I now have 20 months clean and sober. I got sober 2 weeks after she came to me and told me this.) I IMMEDIATELY had him removed from my home. I did not know what else to do. I was scared and not clear headed yet. My daughter got into a fight at school and drugs were mentioned and so family services showed up at my home, removed my daughter and took them to their fathers house, and I had no contact with them for 5 months. I've just stayed clean and sober and worked on me... a lot. Their father is a very hateful, vengeful man who uses the kids to hurt me. My daughter is now 15 and we do not communicate on any level. He says things to her that put negative thoughts in her head about me, and this keeps her distant from me. I don't know what to do besides take legal action. Any suggestions?

I'm sorry I'm confused on rather you need help with the uncle situation are the father? To be honest you shudve reported the uncle situation the time it happen. For you to try and get a case now you probably would lose. That fact that you had a drug problem back than wouldve still result in the father taking her. At this point you have to realize your daughter going to her father was the best idea becus you needed to get yourself together first. All I can say is try to talk to her, show her you love her, do things for her that you couldn't do while you were on drugs. You trying to get her back will not work if she doesn't want to go back. Right now she probably has trust issues with you that you need to prove to her that you can be trusted. The fact that all this happen at a young age is botherin her. What she really needs right now is consuling and love from a familiy member. The absents of love for her can cause her to do a lot of crazy things not to mention the sexual assult from her uncle messed up her self confindence. She getting to the point that she can make decisions for herself so don't worry about the father talking about you to her. Just work on your relationship with her and continue to improve yourself.

Screw the uncle... I have had no contact with him since and do not want any. They never brought charges up because they said it was too hard to prove in a court of law. Yes, I know I should have reported him. I can look back with clear eyes and see a lot of things I should have done differently. I have a lot of guilt and shame, and have been doing the best I can to be the best person I know how to be today, but I will not continue to beat myself up, that is not productive. We have already been to court and we now have joint custody and he has primary physical custody. I am not trying to get her back, I just want a relationship with her. I do try and talk to her, her father prohibits this as much as possible. She is 15 and he will not let her have a cell phone or a Facebook, etc. He comes up with every excuse for why he cannot make a counseling appointment, or accept a phone call. How can I prove to her that I can be trusted when he intervenes any kind of communication I have with her?

You have to understand that the father also has a history of drug abuse, and while I think he is off the drugs, I know that there is still alcohol consumption in the home. This bothers me as well...

Congratulations on being clean!

I have some questions.

Did you report the uncle when your daughter told you about it 2 years ago?
Was anything done about it?
Did you allow him to continue living with you and your daughter.
Did you let her father know?
How did you help your daughter at that time, did she go through any therapy?

And also, what exactly are you looking for advice on? How to get your child back? How to press charges against the uncle? How to help your daughter cope with it? Etc?

Ma'am you have joint custody. You have rights over her just as much as he do. My suggestion will be to talk to the father about the situation if he declines your right give him a warning is he brush that off take him to court. You taking actions to see your child is enough to know you still car and I'm sure she il see that to but remember she already has been through a lot don't make this more difficult for her. Try writing letters, you buy her a phone (for usuage outside his apt) keep trying and don't give up and please try not to stress. Stress leads to burnout and can cause illness. Put trust in God and He will supply all your need. He becomes strong in your weakness. Congrats on being clean and keep pressing that way. Gudluck

It really is unclear what you are seeking help with. If you are looking to get visitation then go to court. Even if you get supervised visits its contact and gives you a chance to show your daughter what you really feel

If you are trying to repair your relationships, I would suggest joint counseling.

First I am very sorry that things are happening. But something does not sound right, yes Children's servcie may get called in when there is a fight ( but not normally) and if there is "talk" about drugs, But someone talking about drugs does not take your kids away. So either the child when they talk to her said something, or you said something, or they found drugs in the home. Without some evidence of something they can not just take your kids.
** and side note, you should never talk to them without a attorney present, unless they have a court order they have to come back when you can talk with them. Not just when they show up at the door.

At this point, you use court, inforce your visitation rights

To jenniepepsi: Please understand, I was 2 days clean and sober when the cops and dfs came to my door. I have never been through anything like this before... I had no clue what to do. I was so scared. The only direction I got at that time, whether right or wrong, was from a friend of a friend who worked in the juviniele division and they said "do not involve the police unless you absolutely have to because all they will do is drag the daughter through interviews and interrogations and in the end nothing will come of it, because ultimately it's his word against her's". When my daughter came to me and told me I hugged her and repeatedly told her it wasn't her fault, how brave she was for coming to me, that we would get through this, and how sorry I was that I didn't see things clearly. I immediately had him removed from my home and have not seen or talked to him since. She got into a fight at school and drugs were mentioned and family services came to my house and took my kids from me and put them with the father. While going through all the family services stuff, the father took me to court for custody and we still have joint custody but now he has primary physical custody. She was interrogated and interviewed and charges were never filed against the uncle because it was his word against hers. She started therapy with a counselor, and was put on ceraquil and celexa. She is still on those meds. I have no relationship whatsoever with my daughter at this point. The father has done everything to prevent it. I do keep a diary of everything. I would like to know how to reconnect with her. I get the feeling like I am going to have to take legal action, and money is my problem with that. I am still making payments to my lawyer for when we went to court to adjust the parenting plan...

Chuck, its so hard to write everything down, especially all the specific details. She got into a fight at school because the girl was going around saying she had done drugs with my daughter and my daughter pushed her down. They called me to the office and said they had to hotline me because drugs were mentioned. They also gave me burrell behavioral health centers number and told me it would be in my best interest to go get her a drug and alcohol assessment done. We gladly did this... to me, it was a way to get her help when I felt so helpless and did not know what else to do. When dfs came to the house, I did not know I didn't HAVE TO talk to them. I know this now. They talked to my daughter and she told them she had done drugs and got some of the drugs from my uncle who was living in the home, but no longer was. That was when they decided it was in the best interest of the children to go to there dads.

I am supposed to have her every other weekend upon approval of the counselor. When this parenting plan went into effect in March 2011, the father would tell me... shes been seeing the counselor and we've decided to start with phone calls, a couple phone took place, and then they stopped and the father would tell me when I would try to call that she was at a school function, she's not here or he just wouldn't take my phone calls. Then when that would come to a head because of my frustration, he would tell me , oh now were going to start with emails between you and my daughter. A couple of those took place, and I did not feel comfortable with that. Then those stopped. So I started getting a hold of the counselor to do joint counseling and the father will not schedule a date that fits both our schedules... this has been an ongoing, frustrating process. I received a very bitter, downright mean email from my daughter after not hearing from her for over a month. Which leads me to believe he is putting things in her head, which makes her so distant from me. Do I have ground to stand on in court you think to get the parenting plan enforced?

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Originally Posted by angeliqueover

Do I have ground to stand on in court you think to get the parenting plan enforced?

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If the counselor approved every other weekend and he's not allowing it your ONLY option is to go to court to enforce the parenting plan. You need to get the court to ENFORCE the joint counseling. Obviously the father won't do it with the court forcing him to.