It's funny that counseling has been popping up in some relationship posts. I was just thinking today that I really need it. I posted about breaking up with my boyfriend in December and he called three weeks ago... I never called him back because I'm not ready. So even though I miss him terribly I can't put myself in a vulnerable position where history might repeat itself.

My solution has been to work out (lost some weight!), hangout with my friends, concentrate on my career and try to get myself out there and perhaps dating again. I know that I'm fine and I'll be okay. Working out has been great, hanging out has been great, my job is awesome, I even got a brand new car which is cool... it's the trying to get back out there that is bothering me a bit. I'm scared to date. I have a crush on new guy and it scares me to death. How can I like this guy? Especially when I'm so bent out of shape over my ex?? This new guy is funny and charming and you never know.

I am messed up. Starting to feel isolated and like a total freak for not being above it all. For not being easy, breezy and so whatever about it all. I thought this was supposed to get easier. I'm not in contact with the ex so it's not him who is hurting me. I am hurting myself and I can't figure out how to stop. Why would I be in love with someone who doesn't love me? Why hasn't he tried to call again?

Why is my mental state such a toss up. One day I'm fine and the next I feel this overbearing oppressive pressure that won't lift no matter how much logic I use to try and combat it.

lamchopness,

Personally I think you may benefit form counselling. But at the same time, you sound like you know what you are doing. I think you are on the right track. Be friends with the new guy for a while, but don't let him be a break-up crutch. You are taking time for yourself, nothing wrong with that. Go with the flow and don't expect too much of yourself right now.

Nothing wrong with going.

Lambchopness, reading through your posting I was struck with the thought that this is a smart and insightful woman.

You have done all the rights things to keep yourself going and moving in the right direction. You are just going through a small rough patch right now.

We are only in the beginning of February. You broke up with the guy (less than) two months ago AND he tried contacting you less than 3 weeks ago. Even though you didn't speak with him, all of your emotions from the breakup have risen to the surface again. This is sooooo normal. You are someone who recognizes her self worth and her emotional needs. Not wanting to find another guy right now is the best thing you can do for yourself. You need to work through the loss of your boyfriend before you can move onto someone new. It is completely natural to feel the way you are feeling right now. Those days of ups and downs will start evening out. I promise you.

When you start feeling "this overbearing oppressive pressure" those are the times you need to turn to your friends and get out and do something fun. Or go for a workout. Have you ever heard of a "runners high?" Physical exercise helps place our minds in a more positive and relaxed state. Find new hobbies or stay with the old ones. Just keep yourself busy doing things that make you happy. When you are ready for, and open to, a new relationship, you will know it. There isn't any rush here. It will happen when it is meant to happen. Don't doubt yourself and don't question your gut feelings. That feeling will never steer you wrong.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by lamchopness

It's funny that counseling has been popping up in some relationship posts. I was just thinking today that I really need it. I posted about breaking up with my boyfriend in December and he called three weeks ago...I never called him back because I'm not ready. So even though I miss him terribly I can't put myself in a vulnerable position where history might repeat itself.

My solution has been to work out (lost some weight!), hangout with my friends, concentrate on my career and try to get myself out there and perhaps dating again. I know that I'm fine and I'll be okay. Working out has been great, hanging out has been great, my job is awesome, I even got a brand new car which is cool...it's the trying to get back out there that is bothering me a bit. I'm scared to date. I have a crush on new guy and it scares me to death. How can I like this guy? Especially when I'm so bent out of shape over my ex??? This new guy is funny and charming and you never know.

I am messed up. Starting to feel isolated and like a total freak for not being above it all. For not being easy, breezy and so whatever about it all. I thought this was supposed to get easier. I'm not in contact with the ex so it's not him who is hurting me. I am hurting myself and I can't figure out how to stop. Why would I be in love with someone who doesn't love me? Why hasn't he tried to call again?

Why is my mental state such a toss up. One day I'm fine and the next I feel this overbearing oppressive pressure that won't lift no matter how much logic I use to try and combat it.

---

Hi, it is very difficult to end a relationship, especially when you love someone. It appears that you are doing everything you need to do, such as exercising, focusing on career, and being with friends. You are grieving the loss of your boyfriend and it is normal to feel like you do. Counseling is always a good way to help put things in perspective and to heal from your loss. I'm sure it took a lot not to call him back. You did the right thing and you are very brave and healthy for doing so. Keep your focus on getting yourself straight. You are the most important thing right now. Keep doing the healthy things you do and you will see you will feel better in time. It too will pass. Take care. You are further ahead than you think!

I agree with everyone, it's sounds like you're doing all the right things.

Personally, I've started seeing a counselor once a week. I've found that it has been really helpful. It's really helped me to organize my thoughts, and stay on top of everything. Sometimes it's nice to know that you have a day coming up where you can let ALL your emotions out that you've been bottling up. I've been trying not to burden my friends so much lately with talking about my ex all the time : )

Good luck to you!

Counseling can't hurt, but honestly you are doing one heck of a job without one and not isolating yourself is an excellent move. Have fun with the new guys you meet, just go slow and don't let the feelings GOOD or BAD overwhelm you. Your setting a good example for others and you could counsel them!

Yeah lamchopness you are doing amazing..
You are doing so great not to call him back, and using logic instead of feelings...
You have made amazing progress in just 2 months.