My husband had an affair for 4 years and I just found out about it last Friday. There is an 8 month old son involved. We have been married for 33 years and have 3 grown sons and a granddaughter. My husband said he never intended to leave me but he spent a lot of money on this affair.The woman realizing my husband will not leave me found another man who can fulfill her dream of having her own family and come to the Unites States, however, I found a note from her to my husband that she wants to continue their affair because of their son. The woman is in greece and my husband's ship goes there a lot. Even though he said he promise not to contact her, I don't trust. He has a lot to lose on this marriage as we have several assets and I have a heart condition that could add more to the aggravation. Please advice what to do.

He will have to have some "contact" in that he will need to set up child support for the child. And I would expect he will want to at least visit with the child when he is in the area.

What you want is him to stop the affair, But of course once she moves to the US ( big place) there is no telling where she will be living, so his visits from visiting on ship will be out.

Will he stop the affair? Was there dozens of other affairs, we do not know and you may never know.

You have to decide yourself what you want, what you will put up with and move on in that direction

That he never intended to leave you, but spent a lot of money on this affair, shows he is much invested in it. Not to mention a child.

How did you find out about it? Did he come forth freely and own up or did you have to confront him with information you found out? Was this the note you found?

You are in a very, very difficult situation. Do you believe him when he says he will stop the affair? He promises not to see her, but he no doubt promised to love, honor, and forsake all others when he married you 33 years ago.

Words are cheap. A mistake of a one time, got carried away, perhaps too much to drink, I was feeling unloved, whatever the excuse, may be one thing... but this has been going on for four years.

You have much invested in the marriage. Would you be able to take care of yourself if you did decide to leave? Do your children know, or will they? If so, what has their reaction been?

If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt, you could take the stance of waiting to see how well he tries to make amends and keep his word. If you find, after some time, that you just can't rebuild the trust, you will have to make some tough choices.

One word of advice, if you do consider leaving, speak with a lawyer ahead of time, and get your ducks in a row, before announcing your decision to him.

I wish you much strength, courage, and peace with whatever you decide.