I have a 13 year old daughter that wants to dress all in black and wear makeup that makes her look too old. She is also getting to be friends with all of the Punk/Goth boys. She's an A student and very pretty, but she wants to hang with a crowd that worries me! Anyone have any ideas how I can get her to understand why we don't want her to act too "old"?

Believe me, I know how hard it is trying to do the right thing. Wondering if you don't act will it destroy them in the future? Or do something and squash who they are. I personally think that you have to walk a tight rope. Allow her a little freedom here. Just because they are "goth" or "punk" doesn't mean they are bad kids. Find out who these people are. What grades do they get? Are they straight edge? Meaning they don't believe in drugs or alcohol. Obviously your daughter has a head on her shoulder if she is doing well in school. My kids run around with what originally I thought should worry me. Listening to hardcore music which I don't understand. But I found out they are some of the best kids around with very good goals for themselves. I also know some kids that dress conservatively but are into sex and drugs. Good Luck.

It's just a stage they go through let it happen for awhile... she's just trying to find her identity. I went through it myself and if you try to change that she'll start rebelling against you more.
If it keeps on when she turns about 16 I will be thoroughly amazed.
Just keep an eye on her and respect her searching for this identity.

I feel that she wants to explore life a little. Many goths are drug-free. Gothic culture can actually be therapeutic because emotions are expressed and can come out. Also keep in mind that at 13 she can dress however she wants and after high school and college she will be restricted by workplace and societal conformist dress codes. I wish that I had gone gothic or dressed wild when I had the chance and now its too late. Let her build these memories of these good times with her friends with a photo-journal and she can laugh at them in the future and be happy that she had such an understanding and cool mom.

Dress, hair styles ( with my son it was a mohawk and a ear ring)
but while I wish we could make them where little pink dresses ( and I guess we could force them)

But if they are good kids and if they are still doing well in school, dress is just an expression and a looking for who they are.

I was long hair, beads, chains and a motorcycle.

I think if you push her, you will suffocate her and than push her away. Focus on what she is about, the kind of person she is, her interests, etc. I remember wanting to dress up at that age and wanting to be part of the older crowd. This stage is delicate as they could rebel. I honestly would focus on her "and the special qualities she has" and talk to her that way.

I would allow her to dress the way she wants. Keep in mind how we as young teens were. Dressing goth or anything else does not make the person. As long as she is not showing too much of her body. I do know how you feel though but remember you have raised a child with good morals I am sure. I would be proud of her grade status alone, but if she starts sliding in classes with grades I would then start to question her.

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Originally Posted by pbjvd

I have a 13 year old daughter that wants to dress all in black and wear makeup that makes her look too old. She is also getting to be friends with all of the Punk/Goth boys. She's an A student and very pretty, but she wants to hang with a crowd that worries me! Anyone have any ideas how I can get her to understand why we don't want her to act too "old"?

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Don't push her cause when my parents push me I hate them even more and more=)

She is probably going through a stage that she will grow out of.
If you feel really uncomfortable, have a stern talk with her.
I agree with you that when she is only 13, she, or anyone, should
Show off their natural beauty

Thanks everybody, I am not really having too much problem with her dress, etc. More about the boy she wants to like (bad news!); and I wish she'd be more outgoing! She wants to hide behind her hair and be invisible rather than make friends with the "preps". (who used to be her friends in grade school!)
Anyway, I really appreciate all the support! Thanks Again.