Split up with girlfriend but I want her back.
Basically me and my girlfriend have been together for 11 1/2 months , She was abused by her ex husband and had a terrible relationship to the point she couldn't leave the house or do anything for herself
She has had a few boyfriends since then and then me
We have recently split up due to recent arguments and she keeps saying it's the fact that she can't trust me , not in the way of cheating on her but the fact of checking her phone and accusing her of cheating
At the beginning of the relationship it was hard going... we were best friends and we were both scared to commit as we didn't want to lose our friendship eventually we decided to make a go of it
About 2 months into the relationship I checked her phone (I had a gut feeling , don't know where it came from but something told me) I found messages to and from her ex saying that they miss each other and that she sometimes thinks of him at night and that she wishes he was there
We had a big argument and I was ready to throw in the towel but we kept going and over the next few months she promised that she would stop speaking to him and that his stuff in her house would be gone (but since then she says she is not paying for shipment and that she will not throw out what's not hers)
She deleted his name from her phone but not his number
So months went by and she reassured me that he meant nothing to her and that she loved me and that wanted to be with me
Its always been in the back of my head that she speaks to him and one day I checked her phone again and there was a few texts when she was at college so I confronted her and she said she can't remember what they were talking about and it was probably to sort out the stuff from the house...
About three months ago I had a party at mine and we all got drunk and she asked for a friend of a friends number for her and her niece cause he wasn't getting to partys... I got drunk and accused er of wanting to cheat on me with him ( I know its not right and I'm ashamed)
For the past three months we have been arguing all the time and there has been no sex ( I work away for weeks at a time and we knew there was problems so I said that we need to email each other more and talk... well she hardly emailed me at all
Ive been home for about 2 1/2 weeks and she told me that she can't go on in the relationship and that her feelings aren't the same and I don't trust her and I accused her and she sees signs that I could turn out like her abusive ex husband
Ok so here goes...
I checked her phone and found 17 messages to and from her ex (whilst I was away for 3 weeks) and when we were talking on the way home from her work we were discussing how to fix our problems and maybe see a counciller and that we could go out and have a laugh again and that she was on holiday ( she's on holiday this week) and we could maybe try and be intimate... I was happy with this but there was always that niggling feeling that I knew she was texting her ex while I was away
So I asked her if she still had feelings for him and she blew her top and says its over cause I don't trust her and I basically accused her of still loving him etc etc (the previous night I asked her if she loved anyone else and she said no) but then she told me that I asked her already and she said no , so why did I have to bring him into it
Over the past week we have been talking I have been giving her space and during a few of the talks I asked when the last time she spoke to her ex and she has said maybe march and that she can't remember (All this time I haven't said to her that I know she was speaking to him a couple of weeks ago when I was away working)
So here is my dilemma I want to get back with her,. I do love her but this is niggling away at me... 1.why she was speaking to him 2,why she won't admit it to me
She has basically not said she is going to give us another chance and she needs time to think she says I feel distant to her and that it might not work (because I don't trust)
Do I walk away from relationship and just leave it
Do I try again and forget that she was texting him and keep trying to sort out relationship
Or do I confront her (knowing that if I do there is no chance of us getting back together because she will know I checked phone) and see her reaction and try and get an explanation