Before our relationship my husband was interested in dark skinned beautiful woman (married two). We have a wonderful marriage yet I am feeling inadequate. I am small and white. We are unified on intellectual levels, great intimate life. Yet I am plagued with this feeling of less than.
Last night he showed me a sketch of a beautiful black woman he made years ago. Its always the same thing in my face, even though I want him to be open to share. There are attractive black woman at his work as well. He stays under the radar many times to avoid my concerns. I know he loves me yet he is one of those men who doesn't say I am beautiful or show he is attracted to me.
What to do, we are both tiring of this problem.

You are married, you share lives, a bed, problems. This is one of those problems. TALK to him. Tell him your concerns. Ask him what you've asked us. Ask him why he doesn't say you're beautiful. Ask him why he doesn't show he's attracted to you. Ask him, for that matter, if he IS attracted to you.

I don't think he's sneaking around if he's sharing a sketch he made "years ago" with you. That is being open.

Tell him what you want and need from him. I've always been "into" tall men. My husband is average height. I love him and married him. I'm not looking around at tall men.

So your husband is "into" dark skinned beautiful women. He married you presumably because he loves you.

Again - ask him. This may very well be your problem, not his.

Thank you for your reply... I am new to this forum. We have talked about this, I have shared my feelings many times. I end up feeling misunderstood and he ends up feeling inadequate. We have a wonderful life 99% of the time, in fact he is the soul mate I have spent days as long as years waiting for, we have big dreams and plans to help humanity. Yet this one issue will plague me and grip me every once in awhile. It does affect our marriage, it does hurt both of us. Would like to get on and beyond it. Its easy to say its my problem and to just forget about it, if it is that simple maybe it is... Yet when I am in "the grip" as I was yesterday... I cannot just shake it. Something more is required and I am not sure what it is...

I am also not sure how I obtained YOUR response... If it is totally out of kindness I salute you... this is an amazing setting for ones to share. Glad I found it.

Please understand if you were a dark women, you could always fear he would find one prettier, there is always fear and worry if you allow it to happen, and if you don't feel strong and happy with yourself.

Men enjoy many sizes, shapes and colors of women, it appears he is open about his past and is open with many things.

What is missing is proper communication, I would strongly suggest a marriage counselor, esp one that helps in understanding the various ways we communicate. Most is never spoken, He may be saying why does she have doubts, I do this and this and this, You have doubts because he does not tell you in ways you understand or want to hear.

Sometimes you have to keep saying the same thing over and over until you are heard - and understood. It isn't "your" problem. It's a joint problem. If he is your soul mate he will listen, hear and respect you.

Perhaps this is one area where he doesn't quite know what to do or say. Perhaps there are other areas where he is super supportive and reassuring.

And we all have bad days!

He did marry you... even if he is still is into beautiful dark women,he married you. My husband is fine, and caramel complected and I find men of all colors attractive if they are, but I have never cheated, nor will I because I married him and we have been together for over 11 years...
If you think you are hot, and carry yourself that way, he will think you are hot too!