My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year next month and I love him to death and with all my heart, however I have a hard time trusting him and here's why. During the beginning of our relationship before we actually made it official we took this class together over the summer, he was playing games on my phone and I with his. During this point in the relationship I had no reason not to trust him so I did not go through his phone. The type of phone that he had displayed the contents of the message on the screen before you open it and I saw a message from a female saying something, don't remember exactly what it was, but when I opened it I saw things like I miss you, and I would still choose you over whoever and all this other stuff. I don't know who sent what to who I just know it was there.

I confronted him about it and he said it was his ex girlfriend and that I had nothing to worry about. Looking back, I regret it but I believed him and went on with the relationship. About 2 months down the road the situation had not raised again and there was no problem until he invited me to attend a function with him. When we were standing in line to give our tickets I noticed a female standing off a little and she was staring. Like, I didn't know if she was looking at me or someone else or what, but I'm sure he saw her as well because that's when he started to act a little standoffish and distant kind of turning his back toward me and talking to other people in line that he knew.

From this body language I kind of put two and two together and figured that she was the female he was texting that day, his ex. At this time we still were not together officially, but we were talking for quite some time. I kept my hunch to myself and decided to enjoy myself while I was at the party and to see what happens. I found some people I knew and we kind of separated while there. I looked for him and I saw him talking to her in the crowd. She had a disappointed face and he looked concerned. I walked over and stood behind him waiting for the conversation to end for I am not a rude person and she saw me but I guess he did not know I was there. So she walked away but he grabbed her arm, I like to describe it as something in a movie where the person doesn't want them to go. So she pointed to me and he turned around and looked shocked like he wasn't expecting to see me and he was trying to get his thoughts together like trying to make something up on the spot to say to me. She had walked away and he asked me if I knew who that was, I said no (but I actually did I just wanted to see what he would say) and he told me her name.

Same name in the text. During the rest of the night he still seemed distant and that's how I knew feelings were still involved. Later in the week I asked him about it and he said she was upset because he brought me and she still has feelings for him and all this other stuff but he assured me he didn't for her. Me having wishful thinking believed him again. Another factor is he still hasn't made it official at this point and it has been about 4 months. So now I'm thinking that His relationship with her has something to do with that and it was pushing me away because I'm in this relationship with you and I'm just stuck not moving forward and I feel like I'm wasting my time, I asked why he hasn't made it official yet and he said he didn't know because he liked me, there were no other girls or anything and he just hasn't done it yet.

So a few days later he made it official and all was well and he said he wasn't talking to his ex anymore he cut her off and all this stuff. Then a few months later I went to a college basketball game with my best friend that was my school vs his school for we were rivals. He was not there but a friend of mine I knew from his school was there with his ex's best friend. The best friend didn't know that I was close to the other girl and she told her that she didn't know if I knew but him and the ex have been off and on for 3 years and they talk everyday and can't live without each other. So my friend told me and as you can imagine that upset me a lot because he lied to me saying that he did not have any contact with her anymore and he did not have feelings for her but her best friend says otherwise.

So now I'm stuck in the middle of this he say she say not knowing what or who to believe. I confronted him the next day and he admitted that he does still talk to her and from the conversation it seemed he still had feelings. That is when I lost my trust for him because he lied and tried to hide it.

I wanted to work it out because he was not committing any physical adulteries and I chose to forgive him and work through it under conditions that he did NOT talk to her again and that if I found out it would be over and this was his last chance. Even though I gave him the chance I had a feeling that he wasn't going to able to keep his word.

About 6 months later things were going good, no signs of the ex that I was aware of even though I had insecurities because of the situations before. One day I was over his house and I was listening to music on his iPod. When we got in the house it connected to wi-fi and had access to his Facebook. So of course I checked it because I still did not fully trust him. I checked his messages and there was one from her talking about their relationship and other things and also another message thread from her best friend talking about them. Basically I found out he still talked to her and he even told her he loved her numerous times while we were together and that he keeps playing with her emotions because he tells her he wants her to be in his life and he cares for her but he's still with me. Also he tried to hook her best friend up with his brother and his explanation was so that her and his brother and him and his ex could go out on a double date.

This was my last straw and he could not deny it because all of the proof was right there. So I broke up with him. During the breakup, of course I loved him and didn't really want to break up but I felt it was best for me. He kept trying to make me change my mind by visiting my school and trying to talk to me about it and other things and he was very diligent. He told me that he realized he really loves me and he has cut himself off from her because he realized she's only holding him back and he's done with her. I told him I heard all that before so what makes this time different and he said let him prove it.

So once again I took him back but I made it clear that it was going to be a long time before I trusted him and for him not to expect things to go back to the way they were all of a sudden. Also I told him I wanted the passwords to all his accounts and when I'm with him he can't be on his phone at all. He agreed and that's what happened.

Since then I haven't found anything that would incriminate him but I have found that he has texted her, not everyday, but every once in a while, but its more like a hi-bye chat. I don't really have a problem with that but it's the fact that he has contacted her that doesn't sit well. And because of my insecurities, it always makes me wonder, is there more? Why can't he ever leave her completely alone? What do they talk about when I'm not around? And this never lets me fully trust him even though our relationship has been going great for the past 7 months since the incident.

He says because he never really had someone who was really there for him and cared about him like she did and he could talk to her about anything and they were like best friends, and he just doesn't want to let go of that friendship, which I can understand but my question was why can't you see me as being that for you, why won't you let me, why do you have a hard time letting go?

And for the record I don't have a problem with the ex at all, I think she is a cool person however he is still MY boyfriend and I am not comfortable with their relationship. How can I get over these insecurities and learn to trust him again because he is really showing me that he wants to be with me and he is doing good with not talking to her and keeping his promises, I just want to move forward and get from being stuck on the past.

Like you said, it will be a long time before you get over your insecurities, and trust him fully again. The problem as I see it, is his inability to let go, and wanting to keep her as a friend in his life.

That would throw me off too, seeing as they go to the same school, and you don't. It would throw any one off. I think you are going to have to decide for yourself to either enjoy your time together, and not worry when you are not together. That's not that easy, but always snooping through his phone, or checking his Facebook ain't the way to go about having fun dating a guy, and maybe it gets better, but all that worry would take all the fun out of this.

I am chalking his mistakes up to youth, since it sounds like high school, but it seems to me that had this been dealt with open, and honestly in the first place, you wouldn't be as worried, and could be you have forgiven to fast, or just passed over the way he was before.

Hope he is worth all this drama, so either let it go, or let him go, especially if you can't stop checking for signs of cheating.

OMG. Have mercy. Lots of text drama, gossip, expectations.
No fun.

Isn't fun just being together?

Taking it from there?

Very long story uuugh. Ok this guy doenst know how to move on in life, if he really cared about your feelings he would cut off ALL contact with this girl. A real boyfriend who truly cares for you doesn't continue talking to an ex like they are still together. If I was you I would personally talk to this girl and explain that he is your boyfriend, your not comfortable with them still having contact, and that she needs to move on with her life because he is trying to move on and she's just holding him back.
Best of luck in your relationship :-)