I am renting a room from a girl who has gone away travelling for 3months (she has the lease). There is one other person who stays in the apartment (my new roommate), and she is also on the lease. I just basically want to know what my rights are, because initially my roommate was great, and when I asked her if I could have my friend to stay with me for a week,in my room, she said it was fine, so my friend booked her flights and is coming in march. Now my roommate has had a change of heart, and says I can't have any visitors to stay, and she doesn't care that my friend will now have to cancel he flight. Her basic argument was that she doesn't want to have to pay for my visitors, and she has the lease so she can do what she likes, but surely if we are both paying exactly the same on rent, then I would be paying for my visitor, cause she would be staying in my room. I also want to note that I apologised to my flatmate for making her feel like this, and said that my visitor would only be there when I'm there (I work 9-9everyday, and so that means she really wouldn't be there at all). I also pay rent on time, keep the place clean, work all the time, and there were no prior arguments before this. Please some advice would be great cause I am clueless!

Unfortunately, your roommate holds all the cards here. You are not on the lease. Your contract is with the other roommate, not with the landlord. You do not have any legal claims or rights in this situation. She could even insist you leave if she is willing to cover your portion of the rent until her legal roommate returns.

I know this seems very unfair. Ethically, it is unfair if she told you previously it was okay but has simply changed her mind. I am wondering if something happened that made her reverse her decision, or if she might have just given it more thought and felt that you were pushing her privacy boundaries. In any event, if there is no talking to the roommate and she has made a final decision, you need to ask your visiting friend to cancel her flight.

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Originally Posted by Poppins1

I am renting a room from a girl who has gone away travelling for 3months (she has the lease). There is one other person who stays in the apartment (my new roommate), and she is also on the lease. I just basically want to know what my rights are, because intially my roommate was great, and when i asked her if i could have my friend to stay with me for a week,in my room, she said it was fine, so my friend booked her flights and is coming in march. now my roommate has had a change of heart, and says i can't have any visitors to stay, and she doesnt care that my friend will now have to cancel he flight. her basic arguement was that she doesnt want to have to pay for my visitors, and she has the lease so she can do what she likes, but surely if we are both paying exactly the same on rent, then i would be paying for my visitor, cause she would be staying in my room. I also want to note that i apologised to my flatmate for making her feel like this, and said that my visitor would only be there when im there (i work 9-9everyday, and so that means she really wouldnt be there at all). i also pay rent on time, keep the place clean, work all the time, and there were no prior arguements before this. please some advice would be great cause i am clueless!

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Your roommate is probably thinking about the added utilities and inconvenience. Let her put a price on the inconvenience, pay any additional utilities and then some and see if that doesn't make a difference.

Thanks Ruby Pitbull. Yes, I am now beginning to realise that she does hold all the cards as she has now changed her mind on another thing. Initially, she told me that a) I could have my guest to stay, and b) I didn't have any bills to pay, just the rent. Now she says I can't have guests, and that actually I do have bills to pay, and that this month the bill was $275 and I should pay up! Firstly, to answer your question, we didn't have one single problem before this, but the real problem here seems to be that she was so desperate for a roommate, that she told me anything she wanted, just to get me to move in, now she has changed her mind, and doesn't give a damn about my feelings. She is completely abusing me trust in her, as there was no contract signed.. if there was I doubt she would be able to do this so freely (god, why didn't I get a contract!) thanks again for your help

You are quite welcome, I am glad I could help. Poppins, I am so sorry for your troubles. Years ago, I was kind of in the same boat, so I do understand. I realized very quickly that I couldn't be roommates with people I didn't know very well. It was a struggle but I scraped together what money I had, bought only the "necessities" and found a place by myself. I felt I would rather be alone and do without things than be mentally stressed like that.

The good thing is that you don't have to put up with it if you don't want to. Since you didn't sign anything, I would suggest if it is possible, that you look around for another situation. Not sure what to tell you about the additional $275 because I don't know what it is for. Technically, if it is your portion of phone or electric, you have an obligation to pay it. In any event, if you choose to stay, ignore her and get your butt out of there when your 3 months is up.;)

Good luck to you sweetie!

Im going to sit down with her tonight and look at the bills. When I moved in, she made it seem that they were included in rent, but obviously not. Its not really about the money, I am happy to pay my way, and will pay whatever I owe, I just hate how she has turned on me, and if I had been aware of these bills etc probably wouldn't have moved in. just one more question though, this is the first time I've lived in america, and I don't feel like I should have to pay half of the bill. Hopefully the bills come itemised, so as I can see what I owe, cause I am rarely there, don't use TV, internet, phone. Only have a hot water pipe in my room.. no radiator (do I pay for this, or is this included in building?). So basically use shower, and kitchen. Surely this doesn't amount to half of $275. She on the other hand doesn't work, and sits in apartment all day using internet and watching TV.

This is such a hard call. It is a question of appealing to this woman's sense of ethics. Most people agree ahead of time as to what each is responsible for, and then stick to that agreement. Just because you are from another country doesn't mean that we do things differently from you. This woman is abusing her position.

Usually, the fair thing to do when you share a place with someone is, you both split all the joint bills. That would be telephone, cable, internet, electric. With the telephone, if one person has long distance calls or incurs additional charges, that person pays the difference.

Since you are an outsider and only subletting, usually that original agreement passes onto to the subletter. But, since she told you that all you were going to be responsible for is the rent, you need to have a serious talkwith her. Don't be accusatory. Come off with the attitude that you are very hurt because you really thought the two of you seemed to get along so well and now the rules are suddenly changing. If you know how to make someone feel guilty, use that trait that you have. Tell her that you are very confused by this change in her and your agreement. Remind her you are not from this country and where you come from, that when you make an agreement with someone, that is what you abide by. Ask to her to explain why she feels you are responsible for these additional charges. You have EVERY right to ask to see the bills since she is asking you to pay for half of them. If you have not used the telephone, she should be paying for it. If you have not used the television or internet at all, she should be paying for it. The electric is another issue. You have the benefit of electricity. You use it when you walk into a room or use a hairdryer. Ask to see the electric bill. You should pay half of that and explain to her why you are agreeing to pay half. Then ask her, since you don't watch television or use the internet, why she feels she needs to push off that luxury onto you. Let her explain herself. Don't talk too much. Silence is the best defense. Let her explain herself to you. When there is silence in a disagreement, the other person will just keep on talking and trip over their tongues. Let her box herself into a corner.

Depending on how she answers these questions, and, how uncomfortable she may make your life, you should decide on how you want to proceed.

If this is a little confusing, please reread this. Then let me know if you need clarification or have any other questions. If you are comfortable with this, then DO let me know how it turns out. I am very curious as to how she responds.

Thanks again, understood, and I'll keep you posted. Im very interested to see how it turn out too, as she seems to have strange responses, so its hard to judge. Thanks, poppins

Oh by the way, I forgot to mention the heat and hot water that you asked about. Usually that is included in the rent. But, see what bills she gives to you. Sometimes landlords will charge extra for that, but it is most unusual. If they do, then ethically you would be responsible for it. But, it all comes back to your original agreement with her. Gosh what a mess you seem to have gotten yourself into! :( Well, this is what life is about. We make mistakes in judging people's characters and hopefully it makes us a bit wiser as we get older.

Again, good luck dear!