Ask Me Help Desk - My 11 year old son wants to live with me

My boy has been asking when he can come and live with me for over 4 years now. My ex lets me see him just about whenever I want and as long as she gets the child support she is fine. The moment she doesn't get her way, all hell breaks loose and that will not ever change. I am adding that because now I think the only thing keeping her from giving me custody is all financial. She can claim him as dependent and get money every month from me (even he knows she spends it on other stuff, he openly talks about it). This has been going on for 11 years just about, so I am sure there is some "entitlment" going on. My boy will tell anyone in the world he wants to live with me, he is a good and smart young man for his age. When he was younger it broke my heart to have him beg me, now he is getting impatient, he is getting tired of waiting and asks me EVERY WEEKEND I GET HIM... he is afraid to tell her I think, because he knows how uncooperative she can be... I have a good home and just my career and him to focus on, plus my family is close by and we all spend lots of time together and are close. The ex has 2 more toddlers and is in debt, lives month to month and is a drain. She isn't a drug user but is clearly overloaded, and I think got a DUI a couple of years back. I have a clean record, no debt, and no distractions from raising my son. I am providing all these details because this matter is varying and can be very convoluted by nature. I was the deciding factor when I was 12 as to which parent I wanted to live with, I understand his situation first hand, I lived it. My question is, with the details provided, do I have a valid point with the courts? He will be better off with me, he wants that and can articulate this clearly to a judge. I also know that the system can be a pain for us men, even if we do all the right things... Any advice?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swilly76

... she spends it on other stuff... The ex has 2 more toddlers and is in debt, lives month to month and is a drain. ...
Any advice?

No particular advice except to point out that child support doesn't need to go directly to his expenses. It is for supplementing her general cost of living, based on the fact that her cost of living is higher when she has your child in her household.

You mentioned that your son knows all of these financial details. What of it? I hope you are not saying things, or agreeing with things he may say, which bear negatively upon your relationship with his mother.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AK lawyer

. It is for supplementing her general cost of living, based on the fact that her cost of living is higher when she has your child in her household.

This definition is not for child support. Child support is for the child and is an offset payment. It is not a supplement. That would be family support and has a different classification. Child support is non deductable by the tax code. Family support is deductable by the tax code. The reason being is that the latter is just that. A supplemental income.

Quote:

Originally Posted by califdadof3

This definition is not for child support. Child support is for the child and is an offset payment. It is not a supplement. That would be family support and has a different classification. Child support is non deductable by the tax code. Family support is deductable by the tax code. The reason being is that the latter is just that. A supplemental income.

I am not talking tax code. I am simply pointing out that each penny paid in child support doesn't have to be accounted for specifically as to what it was spent on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AK lawyer

I am not talking tax code. I am simply pointing out that each penny paid in child support doesn't have to be accounted for specifically as to what it was spent on.

Then that is what you should have said in the first place. I was pointing out the difference for those reading this thread. You know that when we give definitions here we need to try to conform to the existing laws as we understand them. My point being that as far as the law is concerned its not a supplement. Not when it is labeled as child support. No state has a child support calculation based on supplemental value. Its based on an equality value and can involve percentages of custody as part of the equation.