Ask Me Help Desk - 1st months of no contact - terrible but you CAN do that!

So it's been a months of no contact... Kind of update here
Ok, good news for freshmen) - pain really lessens with time. Mind is becoming much clearer and you can see from this point that
1. it's basically over
2. it's over for a reason
3. anything you do or think won't reverse things - it's just your personal reality. You can be very successful persuading yourself of how much you may change to make things work again. Eventually, you relise that you are speaking to yourself, there is no one else listening ))

So once you realise that, you have to accept it. I think this is what I've done. Once you've accepted that, it somehow relieves pain and strain, and moves your focus away from that single person... Of course there are recurring thoughts, but they don't make that painful response as they used to.

From this point on you may feel that it's a beginning of a "creative period" - good time for writing, composing, drawing... ideas just keep coming from nowhere. I personally discovered that putting another overwhelming attack into a poem or new track helps best and in two ways - you re-interpret what happened (new point of view) + you feel proud of yourself for a nice piece of art ))))

Again and again, those who just sit home drowning in sorrow not knowing what to do - please go out, meet people, walk out into nature (This Sunday I went to the forest despite -20*C here - such a lovely pine grove covered with snow)...
LOVE yourself!

Thanks all!

Great post! If your this far along after just one month imagine where you will be in a couple of more months! Congratulations!

Awesome post. Thanks so much for coming back and sharing this with us. It is great to hear.

Please continue to do so in the future as you ride the many more emotions you will encounter over the coming months!

I'm right next door to month 3, and I got to tell you dude, I remember month one. My coping mechanism involved waking up next to chicks I didn't know and wondering what country I was in, but it got me through. Now I wake up next to chicks I do know, knowing full well what country I'm in! The progress is just immeasurable! Hope for the best for you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForeverZero

i'm right next door to month 3, and i gotta tell ya dude, i remember month one. My coping mechanism involved waking up next to chicks i didn't know and wondering what country i was in, but it got me through. Now i wake up next to chicks i do know, knowing full well what country i'm in! The progress is just immeasurable! Hope for the best for you.

Im glad your making progress and having fun and I too have been where your at, but sometimes it is a good idea to wake up alone and not wonder where we are. That's when you make the most progress. Sure have fun and be single, not denying that at all, but don't use the chicks as way to hide from reality!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForeverZero

i'm right next door to month 3, and i gotta tell ya dude, i remember month one. My coping mechanism involved waking up next to chicks i didn't know and wondering what country i was in, but it got me through. Now i wake up next to chicks i do know, knowing full well what country i'm in! The progress is just immeasurable! Hope for the best for you.

That's exactly what I was up to)) As an emotional person in nature, I remember walking the street and not knowing who I am, who these people are, where the damn I am))
I figure it's crucial to accept what happened... It is also important not to bottle up your feelings, mb cry though boys don't cry ))

Of course again all you guys have been of real help, god knows what I might have done without venting it out here). Good day for everyone!!

PS by the way ForeverZero, what does it mean "chicks"? English isn't my native language))

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForeverZero

Women

That's awesome, I should have guessed )))))))

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ulysses

PS by the way ForeverZero, what does it mean "chicks"? English isn't my native language))

LOL. I never thought of that but I suppose that would sound funny to someone that doesn't speak English (or maybe even just North American English, as I don't know if the term is used in the UK or Austrailia) but chicks is a term for girls. It can be used for a group like "look at those chicks over there" or to describe your girlfriend, "my chick and I are going out for a drink."

Anyway I just wanted to say great post as well. I really like it when posters keep us updated because it feels like it wasn't a wasted effort and hopefully we helped teach and learn something at the same time.

Yeah I did the no contact thing for a month too. But I can't stop thinking what if I did this or that. I just felt like there was so much unfinished business for myself. So yesterday I called him, only to be responded by him coldly. I realize that he has completely moved on, and I should do the same. I basically just wanted to let everything out of my chest, so I wrote him an email saying things I wish I did, but didn't do.

Now I'm ready to move on again. Restart my no contact thing. I hope I feel like how you feel in a month.

Wow, what an enlightened and enlightening thread! Thank you Ulysses! Its not really a no contact thing as it is an ending thing. When the person who is left finally accepts that its ended, they end it at their end too. Its called closure and to a greater or lesser degree, people need closure in order to freely and completely be in the grieving/healing process. No contact makes closure easier and far less painful -- ask any divorcing parent.

Whatever part of you is still hanging on is essentially getting left at the train station and that is what makes for the worst baggage later on. When you get left, its important at some point to also leave the relationship yourself. Write a letter and send or don't sent it, delete numbers off cell phones, invent a new profile, take the photo out of the wallet, etc, -- whatever act that serves as a symbol of your ending it will mark a turning point. Then your life without them begins simultaneously with the healing. Those who get caught in the vortex of fearing the pain of that and refusing to let go need to hear from people like all of you. One pain is indeed far worse than the other and humans are not designed to stay stuck like that. Thank you all for this thread!

Quote:

Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

Wow, what an enlightened and enlightening thread! Thank you Ulysses!! Its not really a no contact thing as it is an ending thing. When the person who is left finally accepts that its ended, they end it at their end too. Its called closure and to a greater or lesser degree, people need closure in order to freely and completely be in the grieving/healing process. No contact makes closure easier and far less painful -- ask any divorcing parent.

Whatever part of you is still hanging on is essentially getting left at the train station and that is what makes for the worst baggage later on. When you get left, its important at some point to also leave the relationship yourself. Write a letter and send or don't sent it, delete numbers off cell phones, invent a new profile, take the photo out of the wallet, etc, -- whatever act that serves as a symbol of your ending it will mark a turning point. Then your life without them begins simultaneously with the healing. Those who get caught in the vortex of fearing the pain of that and refusing to let go need to hear from people like all of you. One pain is indeed worst than the other and humans are not designed to stay stuck like that. Thank you all for this thread!

Yes, absolutely. I am not sure if I gave it up completely (in fact I know little about relationships as its my first love oh dear! That lasted 7 years), but I clearly understand it''s a prerequisite for a healing. I also believe that if you love a person you must give her freedom to be happy and let her go...
What follows after you accept it is the pain of loss but I know that this emotional power, be it positive or negative, can be turned into a creative work, something you always dreamt of but never had time or motivation). Like music.