I am a 20 year old female in a relationship with a guy and he is my first relationship. I truly do like him a lot and feel the butterflies, and urges to kiss him etc and he is my best friend as well. We have not had sex because of our cultures but I know that when I do it will feel right in a very emotional way. All my life I have been attracted to guys, enjoyed male attention and feel romantically towards guys. However, I masturbate and lesbian porn and threesome lesbian porn especially gets me turned on a lot. I am not really attracted to women in real life. I just c them as girl, friends, or competition lol. And if I were to have a lesbian threesome I think it would only be enjoyable in a sexual manner not really the women themselves-- like I would not feel any strong emotional connection with the girls really. I think mayb that I get turned on because it is like sex with no strings attached and I just focus purely on women getting pleasured and so I can relate to it. But I wonder if I am surpressing my emotional feelings towards women or am I just overanalyzing things. Is it possible for me to be mainly straight but be open in terms of sexuality? And I also wonder if I get turned on because I relate it to the porn itself and that atmoshphere. Any thoughts?

Some answer my question soon please!

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Originally Posted by kannam

some answer my question soon please!

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Please understand that we are all volunteers here and sometimes life gets in the way of answering. :p

I'm sure, though, that when one of the members who has insight to your dilemma comes on line, they will promptly answer your question.

Lol that's tru!

I think I might be heteroflexible... any thoughts on that as well?

Like I just don't picture getting intimate with a girl unless in very specific and highly sexual situations.

Many people view erotica or fantasize about things/people they would never do in real life. I do. There can be many reasons for it including it being a change of pace from reality or the 'taboo' nature of the thoughts. Like role-playing, porn and masturbation are about letting your mind play as well as your body.

As long as your fantasies don't cross major moral lines such as including animals and children, don't let it worry you. Enjoy what turns you on.

I agree with what u said but would you say that it should dictate my sexuality?

I think the easy answer is that you like . You're hetrosexual. You're not gay.

What you're experience is just the mental aspect of it. You are feeling and experiencing fantasies that are brought on by these situations. You've romanticized them and the resulting feelings. Which isn't all that unusual for fantasies.

It isn't something that I would be overly concerned with. Just let the chips lie where they will.

Yea that's what I thought. Like when I wasn't questioning it a week ago like whatever turned me on but I know deep down being with a guy feels right ( no not because its socially accepted) but because if a girl were to wrap her arms around me id be like eh wer friends, but with a guy there comfort, security and the warm fuzzy feeling:) thanks for your input:D

I guess I am also worried about my life in the long term. What if I marry a man and have a family but realize it doesn't make me as happy. Idk I might be overanalyzing things...

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Originally Posted by kannam

I guess I am also worried about my life in the long term. What if I marry a man and have a family but realize it doesnt make me as happy. Idk I might be overanalyzing things...

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Welcome to the uncertainty of life. It could be years from now when you realize that maybe you were wrong and you are gay. Then again that day could never come. Sexuality is a spectrum; no one is completely straight or gay.

Just live life in such a way that you're happy regardless of what seems to be societal norms. Do that and everything will take care of itself. :-)

Yea I agree life is uncertain but I feel like if I never began to question my sexuality or watched porn and masturbated (in the context of things majority of my sexual experiences have been through this) I wouldn't feel so confused. Like I would just go with the flow and be with guys and whatever turns me on turns me on but id know who I was attracted to. What do you guys think with that being said?

I am 45 years old. Been happily married for nearly 26 years to a man I think is the sexiest man alive and who even thinking about him turns me on and I start melting.

I have always looked at 'lesbian' oriented erotica (porn is too limiting of subject) as well as heterosexually based erotica. In many cases it is because of the treatment of different subjects of sexuality.

From the 'publishing' aspect: There is a great deal of male based writings, etc. in heterosexual erotica. Whether they mean to or not, it does influence how they treat a love/sex scene. They write from what they know and what turns them on. A female writer does the same thing and it shows.

From the 'audience' aspect: Heterosexual erotica tends to be geared more toward male fantasy and arousal (at least the more popular/mainstream items.) 'Lesbian' erotica is by its nature geared toward female oriented desires and fantasy. In what I have seen and like, it triggers more of a mental/emotional stimulation than the overt visual/physical stimulation of heterosexual erotica. The language, settings, interactions, etc. can be very different.

It comes down to not being so much about sexuality as it does a presentation of the material. What you are reacting to may be the more subtle differences in how characters interact than the genders involved.

Why question your sexuality? Why put a label on it? You have a boyfriend who seems to turn you on (you don't have to act on it to know if you are attracted to him.) If you don't have those feelings about females, you don't. Maybe someday if things don't work out with him, you might meet a female who you are turned on by and love with all your heart. But that is a distant possibility and only there because no one knows what the future holds. Keep an open mind and try not to over think everything.

I think I will alwys have feelings for men but sexually I think it's the aspect of me being able to relate to women in a physical level(well obv I am a girl lol) but when I do get urges to get with a man, it's the man itself that turns me on... not the very specific sexual situation I think. You think that's feasible? Or am I just in denial lol

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Originally Posted by kannam

I think i will alwys have feelings for men but sexually i think its the aspect of me being able to relate to women in a physical level(well obv i am a girl lol) but when i do get urges to get with a man, its the man itself that turns me on...not the very specific sexual situation i think. U think thats feasible? Or am I just in denial lol

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Yes, I think that is feasible. I don't think you are in denial. :)

Do you think that porn and masturbation from an early age can get people confused about their sexual orientation?

And earlier when I said that it's the man itself that turns me on I mean the way he approaches me and loves me and cares for and like his jaw and hair and arms etc etc so yea its not like raw sex lol

What do you consider an 'early age'?

I have been looking at erotica and masturbating for about three decades. I have never questioned my sexuality. I know what I want and like. I know who and what I am attracted to.

Erotica has been a tool for figuring part of it out, but experience and listening to what your mind and body tell you when you are around other people are the real guides.

Take alcohol. There are lots of stories about how great drinking is and people make mixed drinks sound like the best thing ever. I can enjoy the stories and accept it in fantasies, but in reality, I dislike the stuff. I mean the smell irritates my nose and I can barely take a sip of wine or a mixed drink. So, fantasy and reality are two very different things.

I can think about females and they have wonderful traits, but reality is that I am highly attracted to a male who is everything I want and need.

Fantasy is fun but it isn't who or what you are.

People who are confused about their sexuality are going to be whether erotica and masturbation are involved or not. It usually comes down to mainstream media, society, traditions, culture, etc. that cause the self doubts. We are told through many outlets that we are supposed to be one way when that may not be what the person feels inside. It is the external pressure which is the catalyst for the internal doubts.

If you can learn to accept yourself despite what others think you should be or do, then you will be a happy and healthy individual. You don't have to be in a neatly labeled box. Not many people fit in only one any way.

I also think that if I don't see women being portrayed in an overtly sexual way I'm not turned on. Like a chick in a bikini doesn't turn me on. But take that same girl and put her in a sexual position or sexual atmosphere and I get very turned on. What do you make of that?