I was with him for ten years, though not living together. I got pneumonia, and he didn't call for two days, I went to his house to see if he was all right, and he told me he was through! I was shocked and he said he had never been happy all thee years and that he wanted to feel what love felt like, and wanted to find someone else. Said he had prayed to be released from any and all feelings for me. He said God granted this prayer. Before this he had been an atheist and would never discuss religion, now he's praying? I am 61 and he is 62. I can't get over this. Not seeing or talking to him hurts terribly. I did everything for him and gave him a lot of money so he could live easier and have the things he wanted, and he could be so loving.Up until I got sick, everything as fine, he said he loved me and there was no hint this was going to happen!

Sorry for the shock. But it sounds to me like it wasn't because of your illness.
Just his free ride was in question.

All I know is that age 60 or 16, when someone doesn't want you, split.

Its going to take some time to get over this.

Be glad that you aren't living together or sharing anything, right?

I would go NC, right away.

Leave him in the dust.

Read all of the stickies here & more.

I'm so sorry to hear of this, hope you are OK. Be strong. If he could be with you for 10years and treat you this way then its better you get away from him now rather than later. It does seem strange that he seemed to be happy enough for 10yrs and all of a sudden to say those hurtful things, even if you don't love someone you still show compassion towards their feelings. He didn't!
Take time for yourself, surround yourself with family,friends or even pets if you have any. Don't contact him, not because you want to give him a taste of his own medicine but because YOU need time to take it all in and heal. Focus on you. He'll be fine, if he calls you in a few days or maybe weeks when it suits him then don't feel obliged to hear him out or forgive & forget. U'll do what you want to do in your own time.

He's done this before over the years but alays left his foot in the door. This time he said he was very cold, and cruel. Everyone that knows him said he's always treated his women like this. His ex brother in law said he's either bi-polar or mental. But either way, I am very much with this man. I can't eator sleepand my heart is broken, this is the first time, he's told me that he has someone else lined up!

Sounds like its time to let him go.
I know 10 years is a long time, but imagine 10 more with someone like that.

"he's done this before"
"this is the first time, he's told me that he has someone else lined up"

You deserve better.

I would never speak to him again.
Spend your time healing & doing for yourself, not him.

Sorry you're going through this but he sounds like a complete jerk. He used you and now he has someone else lined up? Walk away. I know it's difficult but you'll be OK, just give it some time.

Good luck to you.

Sucks now to finally get dumped, but if he has done it before, make this the last time. I think after the shock is over, treat yourself to something great, and celebrate your new freedom.

Maybe it's the opportunity for something better in your life.

I am writing an update to my breakup with boyfriend of 10 yrs.

I broke the NC rule and went to see him, no drama, no histrionics, just asked him why and couldn't he at least talk to me after 10 yrs and be friends. He said he didn't want any friends, he has a prayer partner he calls every day and is going to go spend the winter where she is, he met her through his mother who is her best friend. He was an atheist all the while I knew him, which I tried to talk to him about, and he would go into a rage over any mention of anything religious, but now he's a "Christian".

However, this new "Christian" hasn't got it all figured out yet, because he was very cruel and hateful to me. He said if I died he would not care, said he didn't want to see me, hear from me except he said for me to wait a year and then he would see how he felt then about talking to me! I was so blindsided by this breakup.

He came back from his Mother's and He told me he loved me, how precious I was, everything normal, except he no longer wanted to be intimate or have me see him undressed. And when I got ill and 2 days later, he told me he was no longer in love with me. He said he didn't care what I do, or where I go, just didn't care one way or the other. THEN, as I was leaving, he gave me a "goodbye hug" that lasted 30 seconds, and laughed. What the devil is wrong with this man?

I am devastated and he laughs!

Update added to original thread


That's why we shouldn't break NC. As hard as it is to keep and maintain, its even more confusing, and hurtful if we don't.

Maybe he lost his mind, maybe he was brain washed, I don't know, but it no longer matters any more, does it?

It hurts, and it will take some time to get over this. But, all you can do is respect his decision. Sorry for your loss, I really wish that soon you will meet someone who you mean as much to as they do. Until then, is better to end this relationship, 10 years have been thrown away by this man, why waste anymore time. Go have some fun!

It does indeed hurt, and I am so alone now, his friends were my friends, and though they liked me, they are still his. I am struggling with this so much. I am more hurt than I have ever been in my life, my nights are the longest. I pray I can get free of these feelings for him soon. Thank you for your response. Love

Thank all of you for the advice and support, it helps to know there is someone who cares about people like me. I am really having a hard time with this, accepting and missing him, in spite of everything. Grief is overwhelming me right now. I have no one in my family. No close friends and am all alone. I live in a very small town and there are no places to go to and I am on a disability, so can't go anywhere monetarily either. My phone never rings anymore, he was my entire existence and my every breath and thoughts were for him. I don't really enjoy sitting outside anymore, because that's what we did every day. I hope this doesn't go on for too much longer, I am very tired of hurting. Love you all.

This is so sad,I understand the feeling but you will get through this. Keep saying that to yourself because it is true!
Try make yourself busy, I know its hard given your circumstances but you should check for notices being put up in your town? Are there any upcoming events going on in your neighbourhood/community you could get involved in? Something to distract you & help you socialise. Surely there would be a weekly book club or an evening for the over 50s/60s etc etc? Look around...
And as for transport,could you not organise for someone to drop you over to some of these events. What's the harm in asking a neighbour if they aren't busy? There are good people out there. You are not alone. Keep your chin up.
Also you say that the phone never rings anymore, why not pick it up and give an old friend you don't hear from anymore a call just for a catch up? What the harm eh? (if they are busy when you call,don't fret just arrange to give them a call back)

Your ex might be going through a mid life crisis or whatever it is but you are better than that, he wasted your time and he hurt your feelings when you met up... thats twice now (along with all the other times he's prob upset you during your time together). Don't waste anymore time on him.

Remember: Life doesn't go backwards,only forwards.. life goes on & in your case hopefully things will start looking up soon enough but it starts with you making the effort little by little & like I say things should fall into place.
Hope things start looking up soon

Well, here I am again just to update my situation with this man. He has not made any overtures directly, but I have run into him and I spoke to him, he was nice, but a little distant lie he was afraid I was going to say something personal, I didn't, just asked him how he was and he volunteered info about his plans, and said he noticed I had lost weight, duh! He looked haggared and thin himself. He wished me a merry christmas and he didn't go to his Mother's after all, said those plans fell through. I told him good luck and hoped he would be happy. He gave me a nice hug and I turned and left. That was thrree days ago,I still don't really know what to think, but I have come along way I getting adjusted to this, and no longer upset 24/7. Any thoughts friends ? I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year! You have helped me so much. Love.

Look at it this way, you broke NC to find out why & be his friend.

That's what you get.

Make sure the next 10 are better. You first.

If you really want answers, then live well from now on.

"he was my entire existence and my every breath and thoughts were for him"

That's the worst part. Forgetting yourself.

Don't take my posts for belittling, or curt. I just don't like typing.

My family isn't that close in general. I live 3000 miles mostly.
I have a handful of very good friends, though. Unconditional. Family.

Use this time to do something else. For you. Doesn't really matter what. New stuff. What you've been putting off.

There's going to be lots of thoughts & soul searching. Forever. Hopefully.
You got hit by a brick. Been there. I've have thrown a few too.

At all else. People change. Change their minds. Want what they want. Choose to do whatever. Consequenses included.

Just like you.
Stuff happens at 16 & 60.

NC, my dear. Don't talk to him ever.

Its all how you roll with it.

Quote:

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He gave me a nice hug and I turned and left. That was thrree days ago,I still don't really know what to think, but I have come along way I getting adjusted to this, and no longer upset 24/7. Any thoughts friends ?

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There is nothing to think! The feelings stirred by this chance encounter will fade, just go back to what you were doing, and keep doing it, because actually, you are doing great. Just takes a bit more time.