I know who the father of my child is, he was there when my son was born. He didn't sign the birth certificate. He left when my child was 3 months old. I got married to a sgt in the Army and moved to where my husband is located. I told my son's father a month before we left that he could take me to court and petition for visitation rights and sign the birth certificate. I told him exactly when and where we were re-locating to. He's done nothing for 9 months and all of a sudden he made a call to my husbands first sgt. What are my options as to keeping him away from my child, mine and my husbands life? If I take him to court to obtain child support with no visitations, is that possible? He has a criminal record involving minors so I can prove he's an unfit parent. Also, when and if I do take him to court, will he have to be there? Especially since we live in the next state over approximately 6 hours away?

When did he obtain this record that you speak of? Was it before or after (since) the birth of the child. What state is the home state for your husband and is it the same state as the one you left from?

He obtained this record when my son 4 months old. He's from CT, and yes I left from CT and now we are in upstate NY.

The bio father has the right to file for visits, and your error was not getting anything in writing that he did not care that you were moving out of state with "HIS" child also.

So you have the right to file for child support, he has the right to file for visits, child support and visits are not connected,

Even with criminal history and the such, he would be able to get at least supervised visits though a third party approved by the court.

Had he filed earlier he may have even had a chance to require you to move the children back to the home state. But the time now makes that chance small.

Unless his court record shows he may be a threat to this child, you may request parenting classes, limited visits till the child gets use to him, try to get supervised visits. But in the end, it will be up to the judge to decide what level of visits that father will get.

I figured if he wasn't on the birth certificate, out of choice, that he had no say in what I did with my child. He barely saw him anyway, and it was a nice gesture from me to even let him know that I was moving and give him the chance to do what he has to do to see our son. I would probably consider super vised visits, but he has no home of his own so nowhere for my child to sleep at his house. If that's not a big enough threat (his criminal record with risk of injury to minors) what if I said my son was sleeping in his room at his house that night? He had gotten arrested and I had to go and get my son from his house while he was getting bailed out of jail.

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Originally Posted by christinades

I figured if he wasn't on the birth certificate, out of choice, that he had no say in what I did with my child. He barely saw him anyways, and it was a nice gesture from me to even let him know that I was moving and give him the chance to do what he has to do to see our son. I would probably consider super vised visits, but he has no home of his own so nowhere for my child to sleep at his house. If that's not a big enough threat (his criminal record with risk of injury to minors) what if I said my son was sleeping in his room at his house that night? He had gotten arrested and I had to go and get my son from his house while he was getting bailed out of jail.

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What is the home state involved ? What did he do to get such a charge against him?

He was charged with brandishing a facsimile firearm, and two counts each of second-degree breach of peace, second-degree threatening, and risk of injury or impairing the morals of a minor.

The home state is CT

He may have done something stupid but it doesn't look like something that would interrupt custody over it.

You will have to file any actions against him in CT courts. If your seeking to change or start any orders.

If I don't feel safe with my son in his care, which I have every right to be, there is nothing I could do? So your saying unless he commits a murder he will have visitations regardless?

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Originally Posted by christinades

... Also, when and if I do take him to court, will he have to be there? ...

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That will be up to him. If he chooses to contest your petition, it might be more effective for him to attend the hearing, but it is possible to do it from long distance.

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Originally Posted by califdadof3

... You will have to file any actions against him in CT courts. ...

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I believe it would be NY. If I am reading OP's posts correctly, they have been there for 9 months, and there is no previous adjudication. That would be the child's home state under the UCCJEA.

Yes after 6 months I think we automatically become a ny resident. And is there such thing as doing the hearing over the phone? I have a friend who told me that, I know it was years back and she's not sure if they still do that.

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Originally Posted by AK lawyer

That will be up to him. If he chooses to contest your petition, it might be more effective for him to attend the hearing, but it is possible to do it from long distance.



I believe it would be NY. If I am reading OP's posts correctly, they have been there for 9 months, and there is no previous adjudication. That would be the child's home state under the UCCJEA.

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No, because he is military he has a home state. And according to what the OP has stated the home state is CT. That is the state that the OP would file in based on the home state rule.

Me, my husband, and my sons father are all from ct. Me and my son left feb 1st for ny. So we have been here for 9 months. Do they still do hearings over the phone?

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Originally Posted by christinades

Me, my husband, and my sons father are all from ct. Me and my son left feb 1st for ny. So we have been here for 9 months. Do they still do hearings over the phone?

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Yes they do hearings over the phone. But the state your going to be filing in is Ct. So your going to have to call there.

Leaving him off the birth certificate does not remove his rights, it only makes him have to go to court to enforce them.

The criminal charge is not likely to prevent visitation but should limit it.

I didn't know that it doesn't remove his rights, but if he doesn't enforce them then that gives me the right to leave the state? Right? He could have signed the birth certificate but never did. Legally my son doesn't have a father and legally I'm his only legal guardian. So why do I need to answer to him if he refuses the rights to my son, but all of a sudden wants to get a hold of me? In my eyes, its too late and for a "stranger" to try to walk back into his life and claim "daddy" to my 18 month old son will just confuse him. My husband has been there since my son was 8 months. He's been supporting and providing for him. What can I do to keep him out of our lives, if that's even possible?

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Originally Posted by christinades

I didn't know that it doesn't remove his rights, but if he doesn't enforce them then that gives me the right to leave the state? Right? He could have signed the birth certificate but never did. Legally my son doesn't have a father and legally I'm his only legal guardian. So why do I need to answer to him if he refuses the rights to my son, but all of a sudden wants to get a hold of me? In my eyes, its too late and for a "stranger" to try to walk back into his life and claim "daddy" to my 18 month old son will just confuse him. My husband has been there since my son was 8 months. He's been supporting and providing for him. What can I do to keep him out of our lives, if that's even possible?

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Right, since he didn't sign and he is not the legal father, then you had the right to move. You HAVE the right to not allow him visitation. But people can have a change of heart. And the courts will look at that if he decides to take it to the courts to enforce his rights.

It is not what's in your eyes that matters, it is what is in the eyes of the law that matters. And the law believes a father is entitled to his rights unless he can be proven a danger to the child.

Unless you can prove him a danger, he is likely to get some vsitation if he goes to court.

The only thing I can suggest is that your husband go for an adoption. The father may not agree to it, but if you try to get him for child support he may agree.

Please go to Jag! Even if they can't help you with this specifically they can show you where to go and they are FREE!

I've been calling jag but their appt line opens at 1 and closes when appts slots for the next day are all booked. The line is busy the whole time. Just trying to get some info for the time being so I'm not totally clueless.