My girlfriend always told me not to break a promise to her, because promises mean everything to her... She's broken 3 towards me... Can someone please help me and tell me what to do :(

Does she realize what she has done? If so, what does she say about that?

Yes she does, but I said something to her before when I found out about the promise-breaking and lying, and she swore she'd never do it again -- and what do you know... she did!

So what are you thinking?

I don't know. First, I'm also a girl, if that makes any difference. I was raped when I was 15, so I already have trust issues, but I've put them aside because I really fell for her. With everything I'm finding out now, I just need advice/help.

Why on earth did you give me an unhelpful red mark?? I thought you and I were chewing on this situation together.

Okay, now you finally tell me (us) that you are both female. That helps a bit more in trying to figure this out. May I ask how old both of you are? (Age 14 would demand a different response than if you two are in your 40s.)

If you value truth and an honest relationship and she claims to but doesn't live what she says she believes, will you be able to trust her in other matters?

I gave you that because I'm just aggravated, sorry.

We are both 18 (well, she turns 18 in a week) and in my opinion, I feel that if there is no honesty in a relationship, the relationship shouldn't exist. With her, though, it's different. I've never felt this way. We have so many things in common. I've never been in a relationship with somebody who is also my best friend too! But the lying and stuff is not good for me because it makes me see a whole different side of her, and it's not who I fell in love with.

Sooo can you tell me what I should do..

Is there a sexual relationship too, or just an emotional one?

I wonder if there is a good way to help her realize what she is doing to you and how she is hurting you. Any ideas? (since you know her a lot better than I do)

It is mostly emotional, but we just started getting sexual. She doesn't really let me touch her, though; she also was raped, which is why I think she is like that. She told me in the beginning she has been with 6 females plus the one guy who raped her, but now just a few hours ago, she texted me, telling me she has never been touched by a female at all. She has touched them but never they touched her. I don't know why she would lie about that.

In the beginning, she said that is why she is nervous when I go to touch her, which is why she pulls away, because no one has since the rape. She said, "I didn't want you thinking less of me because I'm a virgin," and when she says "virgin," she means like never gay sex. Right now, I just told her I don't want to argue through text messages anymore, so I want to talk to her face-to-face, and she replied with, "You're gonna leave me :x." I said, "Why would you say that?" She replied, "Because I am a failure. I failed you :'( and really don't deserve you." I don't know what I should say back to that.

She is the type that will pull the guilt card and make me feel like the bad guy when I've been nothing but real with her along.

Overall, she knows she is hurting me.. but continues to keep doing it.

Lahlah, please do your best to type in good English. Pretend you will have to hand this in at school. The site rules say texting is forbidden.

My English is fine. Just because I'm not using capital letters doesn't mean my English is bad. But anyway back to the question -- I originally asked, if you are not willing to answer it, then stop writing back please and someone who can actually help and not criticize my writing will help.

Edited/WG

But you love her and care about her, and think there might be hope for this relationship? She does seem to realize what she is doing to you. I wonder what payback she gets from being that way.

Using capital letters is part of the deal when posting on this site. I've been warned by a supervisor to edit your texting so your posts aren't moderated. I'm not being mean, but just trying to help you express yourself better and properly.

What would you suggest to write back to her last text message she wrote to me? And yes I do love her, I am in love with her.. who I thought she was, I just do not understand why she can not be real with me

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lahlah143

my english is fine, just because i'm not using capital letters doesn't mean my english is bad. but anyways back to the question i originally asked, if you are not willing to answer it then stop writing back please and someone that can actually help and not critize my writing will help.

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You are way out of line here. You are also a female on your other thread. I find this to be confusing to say the least.

You are involved with a person who hurts you, is told she hurts you and keeps up the same behavior. I'd tell her exactly that and if her behavior continues, I would leave.

You can't control how she behaves.

Why would you say I am out of line? I don't understand what did I do wrong here? Also I know I should leave, but what I feel for her is different then any other past relationship, we do have a good relationship aside from the lying and promise breaking, like I said.. she is the best friend I never had.

Do you think she really loves you or might be too damaged at this point and too confused to know what love really is? If she is saying she's a failure, I'm wondering if she really believes that or if that's her "excuse" for how she's treated you and her attempt to throw herself on your mercy (and have her own little pity party). Let me think a minute about how I would respond to her...

I'm with Judy. It's time to set some boundaries. Be firm or she will keep doing this over and over again.

I really did think she loved me, but that was before I was finding out these little lies, but I wasn't going to put her personal life on here, but she probably is confused.. I wouldn't blame her, she grew up in the worst environment, her father was an alocholic, and mother overdosed on drugs and died when she was 13. My girlfriend dropped out of school, and just now since she has been with me started going back. I do believe she wants to get her life back together, I'm just not sure whether I should be in it or not. And okay.

What kind of boundries? Because if she was like cheating, that would be a different story and I could have a million boundries for that situation, but for lying?

Like Judy said, "You are involved with a person who hurts you, is told she hurts you and keeps up the same behavior. I'd tell her exactly that [set a boundary] and if her behavior continues, I would leave."

You can save only yourself. It sounds like she needs counseling.

She is in counceling already, and I am going to go to her house right now and speak with her face to face about everything that has been going on. I will tell you what happens when I get back, thaank you for the help !

Threads have been merged together

Lust, or love?

My girlfriend tells me that she has told previous girlfriends she did loved them, but never meant it to any of them. She said she has never told anyone that she was in love with them. She said I was the first girl she's ever had this strong of feelings for, but I found out that she did tell two other ex girlfriends that she was IN LOVE with them, when she told me she was not.. Now she is claiming she was in lust, but she said she never had sexual contact with them, so how is it lust? And so how do I know when she tells me she is in love with me she actually means it?

If someone says they were in lust, does that(always) mean that had sex with the person?

Lust is merely an intense attraction, sex is what you do about it, and love is an intense attraction when the lust has worn off.

Lust fades, love grows.

Your friend has many personal issues to work on, and its okay to support her through counseling and what not, but its important for you to be honest with her, and not just pass over her lying, or breaking promises to you. That's just not healthy.