I'm a 26 year old guy and my question is about a 31 year woman.

So I've been dating a certain woman for about 3 and a half months. Each date has been enjoyable. We've done a lot from salsa dancing to museums to comedy shows. We've had about 12 dates thus far. But there are a some things that I noticed about her though. She's a little too laid back for me, and she's not really adventurous, and she has not at least once tried to do anything for me as for as initiate paying for one date or at least offering to cook dinner and we have a movie night at her place... you know, something! Nothing so far.

I'm the type of guy where I don't mind taking charge 95% of the time, but I do expect to her to do something for me every blue moon, you know! And I'm not a picky guy but those are things that I've noticed.

Here is where my confusion comes in at. But she has a really goofy and positive personality which I do like. But with spending time with her on the dates and such, SOMETIMES IT FEELS SO RIGHT, THEN THERE ARE TIMES WHERE IT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT, WHICH LATELY IT HASN'T BEEN FEELING RIGHT if I make any sense.

She is ready to make things between us exclusive, but I'm on the fence with her, not sure if I should. Any advice, I know you guys are more than like more experienced than I am when it comes to relationships and dating.

You might try talking to her about what each of you expect in a relationship. She won't know what you expect and need unless you tell her.

There may be reasons she hasn't offered to pay or make dinner. Can she cook? It's actually a serious question. (Some people are very dangerous in rooms that have sharp cutting implements and sources of high heat.)

If you are getting serious about dating, then you should also be serious about communicating. Having fun together is great, but a relationship isn't all good times. If you can't talk about expectations about the dates themselves, how will you ever talk about even more important items?

If you can't talk to her, then you might as well walk away now. The differences may be too great for you as a couple to compromise on and work through.

Just have fun with her.

Forget your expectations.

She may not be as serious as you are.

Date other girls too.

You do not commit to being exclusive after 3 and a half months, 12 dates, AND you are not completely sure about what's going on.

Makes for some interesting and revealing conversations though, RIGHT?

Did she bring the exclusive thing up, or you? If she didn't... don't! To soon and you have much more to learn about her. Maybe she pays for boyfriends, not date, I don't know. Or maybe she is old fashion, or just cheap, or whatever. That's the fun of dating, finding out if it works over time.

Doesn't sound like the time to me!

Talaniman, I feel like I don't know her enough as well. And yes, she was the one who brought that up. She told me that she is use to guys making things exclusive after about a few weeks but I don't agree with that... I'm a big believer in taking things slow but she is use to things moving more quickly and aggressive.

Talk about it honestly and see where the conversation leads. You don't have to give in to pressure you know, from fear of losing a chance to get to know her.

Talaniman, so in your honest opinion how do you think a dating situation should go as for as timeline as for as when a I first meet a girl that I'm interest in. Just take things slow, go on dates, don't worry about making anything exclusive for a certain period.. What are your thoughts on that..

Personally, I think you find out who it is you are giving your heart to as cute and compatible for a few months won't reveal if she is a flake with flaws, or her true feelings about important things.

Trust me, sex on the first few dates makes you accept a lot of flaws, and miss many red flags, and complicates things beyond high drama. Maybe you date one at a time, but I never did, and never have been obsessed with one female. But for sure when it comes time to be exclusive, there were no reservations, second thoughts or FEARS about it.

Females can charm you, but what's important while you are soaking in the charms, and following the heart, you pay attention with the brain. After 6 months, if there is still hesitations, then she ain't worth the risk. What's the hurry?? Just my opinion, dating just one at a time, closes the door to other/better options and opportunities, as you seem to make dating one a priority very soon, before you know more.

After dating one person 12 times, she becomes a habit, rather than an escape from the life routine you have without her. Hard to back up, focus, or be objective with your feelings under those circumstances, and even harder to let go if you have to.

I think it all depends on how healthy, happy, balanced you are with your own life, whether you or prone to latch onto someone from habit or comfort, or need, and can do what you got to do, for yourself, no matter what the new partners says.

The biggest obstacle to clarity, is how you relate together through honest communications, which starts after the first few dates with me. No communications, no relationship. Fun is fun, real life ain't a joke, so don't waste time when there is no hope. If you can't let go when you have to, or question what you don't know, what's the point?

Talaniman, I didn't think about that. Bc I will be honest she is the only girl that I've been going out with for the past 3 and half months. And I think that's my problem, I need to explore more options that way I'm not hung up on one girl. I know for a fact she's becoming as you said "A Habit"... and I didn't mean for her to be the only one, because honestly I'm not sold out on her yet. So what do I need to do??

Communicate with her and be honest.

If you aren't comfortable with her pace and she isn't with yours, leave each other alone and find other people who are. She may be a great person, but she may not be the person for you at this point in your life.

If the two of you are not only on different pages but different covers of different books, then there isn't a relationship to work on.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

Talaniman, I didn't think about that. Bc I will be honest she is the only girl that I've been going out with for the past 3 and half months. And I think thats my problem, I need to explore more options that way I'm not hung up on one girl. I know for a fact she's becoming as you said "A Habit"...and I didn't mean for her to be the only one, bc honestly I'm not sold out on her yet. So what do I need to do???

---

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Cat1864 again.

It starts with honesty, being honest with yourself about your feelings, wants, and needs, hopes, and dreams, and expectations, and communicating them to her. She has to reciprocate, and you have to believe each other, respect each other to see if you CAN be on the same page.

Anyone a human spends time with, feelings will always develop. Sometimes the feelings are stronger than others, sometimes not. Its human, and its up to you what you do about those feelings.

In all things, I think, let Good Orderly Direction guide your actions, and keep you within the boundaries you set for yourself for what is good behavior.