My fiancée has had several sex partners but she wants to marry me but she also have cheated on me before. I want to know what really motivated her to cheat, sex or something else. I think I will never know. Is it OK to ask her if I am the best she ever had?

You can ask... but remember that you might not like the answer.

I also doubt that you will BELIEVE her answer if she says that it's you.

I think you will probably never know her motivations, either. I think that you don't trust her completely, and that the two of you should be in couples counseling before you even THINK about marriage.

I'm an investigator for law firms. You ask if you're the best sexual partner she's ever had. I have never once done a surveillance or other investigation regarding a marital or relationship problem where the cheating partner has said it's about the sex. So far it's ALWAYS been about the attention or consideration the cheating person receives from the new person.

Best sex ever does NOT guarantee monogamy.

That's just one of those questions that's best left unasked.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by smoothy

Thats just one of those questions thats best left unasked.

---

- or, if asked, unanswered.

I have to agree with the others. Probably best not to ask.

Counseling sounds like a great idea to make certain you are both working together to get past the problems that lead to the cheating and the aftermath of the cheating.

Asking your partner if you are the best he/she ever had, shows insecurity in your own feelings about the relationship. Unfortunately asking one question almost always seems to lead to more and only adds to the insecurity.

If you want to feel more secure, accept that she is with you and working with you to build a future. Believe in the love you feel for her and that she says she feels for you. If you can't trust your own judgment and feelings, then perhaps the relationship isn't going to work out whether you trust her or not.

Counseling might help, but on some level you have to already believe that things will work out and are getting better.

You know what Hun, I have made this mistake in the past.

It felt ridiculous, but I asked an ex whether I was better than his exes at giving oral sex.

His shocking response was "No, my last ex was better". It has haunted me since, and needless to say that relationship spiralled down from there.

X Dani

Dani, I have nothing to add to this other than you gave me the laugh of the day. Only a man would choose that moment to be truthful.

Thank you for sharing - again, you made my day!

I know, right! Stupid men.

- And I'm adding this question to my list of things I'm never going to ask anybody. Still laughing.

This will probably get pulled but it's on topic - I've had men say, "Isn't mine the biggest you've ever seen?" How do you answer that one? I guess you lie and say, "Yes" or their vanity and pride are destroyed.

Put that down on your list.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

- And I'm adding this question to my list of things I'm never going to ask anybody. Still laughing.

This will probably get pulled but it's on topic - I've had men say, "Isn't mine the biggest you've ever seen?" How do you answer that one? I guess you lie and say, "Yes" or their vanity and pride are destroyed.

Put that down on your list.

---

You have to add "tonight" in a really low tone to not feel like you are telling a fib.

I wouldn't to be honest you might not like what she has to say then what and plus it make you look like you have a low self esteem man if she hasn't left you yett and cheating on you she has to like something leave it at that

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

- This will probably get pulled but it's on topic - I've had men say, "Isn't mine the biggest you've ever seen?" How do you answer that one? I guess you lie and say, "Yes" or their vanity and pride are destroyed.

---

I agree, and let me add that as the promises made in storm are forgotten in peace, similarly, the boasts made in bed should be forgotten off the bed. And, the answers to what you ask will not be for YOU, but as they suit to the answerer, whom you ask. For him, what matters is his ownself, rather than the truth, as sex, opposite sex and the bed are the like an open door, which can tempt even a saint to lie!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by mosdesirabol

My fiancee has had several sex partners but she wants to marry me but she also have cheated on me before. I want to know what really motivated her to cheat, sex or something else. I think I will never know. Is it ok to ask her if I am the best she ever had?

---

Ask if you like but she will just say you are anyway, there is no way unless she is a total honest person she would dare say that her ex's were better than you..

No.