I'm 4.5 months pregnant and the father is my ex-boyfriend who has said that he wants to be there for the kid. So great- but I really do not want to deal with going to court, child support payments, and custody etc.. I don't think the state should have any control over our decisions regarding responsibility. So how do I get around all that? I can afford a kid alone and I know ill have his help too I just don't want it to be mandatory and punishable if he doesn't.

What if the father changes his mind in six months when he finds a girlfriend and then gets her pregnant and maybe decides to marry her and move to another state? Or what if you are in a car accident or get a disabling condition and can't work any longer?

Yeah bad things can happen, and I'm not asking if it's a good idea to not file for child support. I'm asking what has to happen so that he is not ordered to pay child support. The decision has been made, the question remains: what do I have to do to go about it.

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Originally Posted by paigiecakes

... I just don't want it to be mandatory and punishable if he doesn't.

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It isn't.

Before the state will interfere, and force him to pay CS, you will have to ask it to do so. Either that, or apply for welfare.

But 6 months, six years, or 15 years from now; and everything isn't the way you expected it to happen, don't come back here and say we didn't tell you.

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Originally Posted by paigiecakes

I'm 4.5 months pregnant and the father is my ex-boyfriend who has said that he wants to be there for the kid. So great- but I really do not want to deal with going to court, child support payments, and custody etc.. I don't think the state should have any control over our decisions regarding responsibility. So how do I get around all that? I can afford a kid alone and I know ill have his help too I just don't want it to be mandatory and punishable if he doesn't.

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The state will be very unhappy with you if you don't file for child support. If you happen to have to go on welfare (for instance) they will still go after the child's father for child support. Why shouldn't he contribute to a child that he helped make? It is his legal obligation to pay child support. If you don't want it, then take it and put it into a savings account for the child to use later on in their life for say their education or to buy a car when they turn 18. You are essentially making the decision for your child when your child has no say in the matter and you are the person who has the fiduciary obligation for the child.

You basically do nothing, you don't put him on the birth certificate, don't ask for custody, don't ask for visits.

He does nothing, he does not ask for visits or any rights with the child. He has to completely trust you to allow him access to the child. And you have to trust him completely to return the child on days or weeks he has the child.

He can of course go to court without your permission any time he wants to get more rights if he feels you are not allowing him proper visits.

As the others have noted, the courts will only get involved if you file a petition on court. The one exception to this is if you apply for public assistance of any kind. The state will then require that you identify the father so they can be reimbursed.

Doing things through the courts protects you, the father and the child.