One morning I went to plug in my husbands phone and I seen a message from a work kaity. So I stopped to look all it said was it just hurts cause I likeed him a lot. I went to go read the rest and saw he deleted all the messages they had sent back and forth. So when I asked him about it he said oh I was helping her with a problem, but when I asked why he deleted the messages he said because I diddnt want you to get mad. So I thought why would he try to keep something from me. When he seen it bothered me he just said you turning this in to something bigger then it is. But instead of stop talking to her he kept doing it I'm wondering if there's more to this then what I see. She texted him one night at 11pm when I said he needs to stop talking to another woman he said oh so I have to give up having friends to be with you so what should I do what should I think? I feel like he ahouldnt be talking to co workers of the opposite sex about personal problems

What is your question? Should you tolerate his behavior? How can you find out if he's having an affair (hire an investigator)? Should you divorce him? Can you force him to stop talking/texting to/with this woman (no).

This is a good reason not to snoop on your husband's phone. If it's an innocent relationship you have now upset yourself - and him - and sometimes "we" make what the fear the most happen by pushing and pushing and pushing.

If it was truly by accident that you somehow discovered a message on his phone "while plugging it in", the honourable thing and trusting thing to have done, would have been to tell him exactly that. It was an accident, and you apologize for reading his private messages.

But, you have turned this into an inquisition with information you shouldn't have had in the first place. None of it sounds accidental to me.

There must be more to the story. Have the two of you had problems over cheating in the past?

But, regardless of everything you've said, and not said, I have to agree that if your question were, 'is it appropriate for a female co-worker of my husband, to call and text after work hours about her relationship problems', I would say no. It is inappropriate.

I'm just wondering why your husband didn't share that he was helping this person, with you.After all, husbands and wife's talk about everything, especially over an evening meal where casual conversation begins with " how was your day " and so on.He could quite as easily incorporated this problem,mainly to get a woman's point of view,this may have help his work college and prevented this misunderstanding between you both.

I think he did not discuss this with you because he new how you would re-act,which of course is exactly what you did.However I can understand your point of view,I do think he has been over secretive,and the fact that this person phones late in the evening is unacceptable.It is down to your husband to put her straight about this.I also think you should remain calm over this, maybe suggest to your husband, that perhaps this lady would like to come for coffee one evening,adding that you think another woman's point of view may be helpful to her... see his reaction! Which should tell you a lot.