I lied about being raped to my friends, because I had a bad life at home. I didn't get attention from anyone. I grew up seeing my sisters getting hit by my father. I would've taken the hits if it means anything. But When I was 15 I told a huge lie to one of my friends at school, and they believed me. It went on like that for a couple of months and then I told one other person, then another, then my boyfriend. And now all my close friends think I've been raped, and it really hurts all the time. I would tell, but then I'd lose absolutely EVERYONE and I would be completely alone. I don't know what to do to make myself happy again, because every day this lie is following me around. I've told it for so long I actually started believing it at one point and went into a depression. Please, don't judge me. This is a serious issue. I don't know what to do, and my life is falling apart. I can't lose EVERYONE. Would it just pass over if I didn't mention it anymore? Would I just forget about it?

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Originally Posted by secretface

I would tell, but then I'd lose absolutely EVERYONE and I would be completely alone.

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Are they only friends with you *because* they think you've been raped? I don't think so. I can understand that a few may feel personally wronged by your lie to them but good friends could make it through that.

Real friends wouldn't desert you for telling the truth, just explain to them why you felt the need to lie, and that you regret it as you realise there are other ways of 'gaining their attention'.

That's awful about your sisters darling, I don't condone that at all.

X Dani

Come clean. You can't keep living that lie.

The lie will not go away, they will know or think it is true forever if you don't tell them the truth.

First of all why in the world would you tell a lie like that? I mean out of everything you lie about this. Being raped isn't cool or fun to experience, I think you should tell them everything if they are your real friends maybe they'll understand

It is a good sign that you are expressing the turmoil inside - at least here - but eventually to your friends.
We all lie sometimes for many reasons... some good... some not so good. But some lies we tell to gain sympathy or love we didn't get when we were younger... do actually work to get us the love we were robbed of.

So there is a HUGE motivation to lie to get that attention... and once we have it... its hard to let that go.

I understand you very well - and you are not alone AT ALL... but you are different than many who can and do live with the lie... buried deep inside.

The truth is your parents did indeed not give you the love you deserve... but that doesn't mean you are forced to find that love... in this way.

What you will find after you talk with your friends and tell them the truth... some may then think poorly of you... and that will HURT! Some will understand the deeper reasons and psychology behind why you did lie... and others will simply love you unconditionally still...

Those who do... will be the kind of friends that last a LIFETIME!. and the depth of that love will be wonderful. You may also find that when you confess... they too will confess similar lies they themselves told to gain "love"... and how you are not alone in what you've done.

There is some freedom in this... freedom you don't have now.

One other thing to consider in this... I myself was told by my fiancé that her previous boyfriend raped her... just prior to our getting married. So I have strong feelings about this.

When she told me that... my anger (and I am a very gentle man) was so deep that I considered ending this man's life. I actually planned it!!

I believed her! What man wouldn't?!

But I later found that she was indeed lying... it took many years to learn the truth... but not from her...
I had to find this out the hard way... thru others who were there and saw what really happened.

I felt SO STUPID!! And... now I think that if I were not as gentle as I am... I might of killed an innocent man!. and I would be in jail!! WOW!!

My point is this... I understand why you lied... and what you are truly seeking and deserving... and needing... but lying about this can have incredible drastic results for others...

Take the time to correct this... don't put it off... you are only hurting yourself and others... and the friendships you so have will not get deeper.
Bless you... you can do this... and still be LOVED!!
You deserve love.

I have similair situation with my girlfriend. She had the almost exact homelife like you have. It is a big deal you need to come clean. My girlfriend told me she was raped probably because her dad is an achololic and hit her and didn't get much attention but I know she's lyingg about being raped. I got pissed one night when I was drunk and was playing around with a butcher knife pretending to kill the 2 guys who raped her and I sliced my artery and all my tendons in my arm. Almost 30 weeks ago and I STILL can't put any weight on my arm. You NEED to come clean before something like this happens again. I still love my girlfriend a lot so much I'm not breaking up with her evem thouht she lied about this and having a boyfriend. The people that can't look through it arnt worh keeping as friends anyway. Tell he TRUTH. It'll be worth it in the end. I haveto live with the rest of mylife that I permanitly damaged my arm over a lie. And I'm 18 yrs old.

I am in a similar situation to you... I lied to my current boyfriend about getting raped in high school by a group of guys that just made fun of me for being awkward and for not being my friends. I had literally no friends my freshman year of high school... it was such an embarrassing time for me, I was 13, awkward as all hell, just moved to a new super preppy town and I didn't fit in at all... I had no one to eat lunch with and so would eat lunch in the bathroom stall by myself.

So my boyfriend had a really tough time growing up and his dad basically abandoned him and he was telling me all these personal things about himself and then he apologizes about how he is so messed up and how he can't believe that he feels so close to be able to tell me all these personal things about himself all of a sudden... and I felt so stupid for not having had a harder life... I mean yea I had a rough freshman year but it was nothing compared to the childhood that he had had. And I start talking... and I start just by telling him that I had no friends my freshman year and that I was awkward as and that no one liked me... and he starts comforting me and telling me that it's okay that I didn't have friends, that I'm an awesome, beautiful person now and that is all that matters... well then I felt stupid because I felt like he was belittling what I was saying (which he wasn't, I'm just a dumb and got super self conscious and felt stupid... ) and so on the spot I made up a lie that these football players that would always point at me when I was eating lunch by myself in the cafeteria had raped me. I said that I had gone into the bathroom to eat lunch by myself and that they had followed me in there and raped me. What the heck is wrong with me. I feel like a freaking maniac. Who lies about such a thing? I felt insecure and stupid that nothing bad had happened to me but that it had happened to him and so I wove this ed up lie.

Now we have moved in together.. its been about eight months since we started dating and it all finally hit me, one ing day how ing ridiculous what I said is... I care so much about what people think of me and am afraid that no one will like me unless I have some ed up aspect to myself that people can feel bad about...

I need to tell him, I know this... weve been dating for only about 8 months but are so crazy head over heels in love with each other. At the time when I told this lie I also hadn't thought that the relationship was going to last (not that this is an excuse!)... but now it's grown into something so perfect and beautiful and now I have to destroy it. I HATE BEING SO DUMB.

Can someone give me some motivation and tell me that I'm not totally crazy for what I have done?? I've learned my lesson, that's for sure. That ANY lie, at all is absolutely awful and terrible and has to come out sooner or later. I just can't believe what I have done. I love him so much and that is why I have to tell him... any help? Or prayers or words of advice would be SOOOOO appreciated!!

You shouldn't of lied about being raped in the first place. Did you think about what could happen if the police found out, or your parents ?
Think about the consequences you'll have to face if your parents or whoever found out. Rape isn't something to lie about.