Its just a feeling I guess. Before he was with me, he went to strip clubs spending hundreds of dollars on dirty "contact" dances. About 3 times a year even when he had a girfriend that lived with him. He also used pornography regularly (3-4 times a week)when we were going out him and I. We have NEVER lived togueter! I found out about the porn last December, he preetended it was not his. He had no guts to tell the truth. After like 4 days of me telling him I didn't believe it was not his, he confessed! He lied about a few other things like, never took drugs (but showed me pot once telling me he wanted me to know everything), preetending he never smoked cigarets to finally after 18 months of dating he confessed he used to smoke 10 years ago.. Anyway, he says he understand now that pornography can harm a relationship and tells me he is done with that (wich I can't make myself believe lol) he tells me in a such "honest, deep way" that he loves me more than anyone else, that my daugther and I are his life, that he wants to marry me and have kids with me, that he didn't love the other girls, that we had been shallow and made a mistake with them by cheating (also) and not leaving them before etc.. BUT I just c'ant find the streight to trust him! And despite all of that, I love him.. I left him almost a month ago, he beg me for a second chance, still does. I told him I needed a break and that we probably never go back togueter.. I am 37 he is 36. I have a 5 years old. She loves him. We saw him yesturday for a couple of hrs.. There's things I miss about him for sure but I also believe that love isisnt evething. I don't usually have problems trusting boyfriend. They only time I did, (a few times) were with guys that were unfaithful. Oh and by the way, he doesn't trust me either, he is VERY insecure. I would like to hear your opinions , it would be great to hear the point of view of a men or more.. thank you!

I think you should leave. You are punishing him for things that happened before you even knew him (smoking 10 years ago, going to strip clubs BEFORE he met you!). His past has helped to shape him into the person he is, and he can't do anything about what has already happened. If you insist on continuing to be insecure and punish him for things he did when he didn't even know you, you need to walk away now before your child gets any more invested in the relationship. I'm not sure if he was cheating because your post is hard to understand, but the bottom line is this: There IS no relationship without trust. Either you let the past go and move forward or decide you can't live with it and leave.

All the things you speak of were before you and he were dating.ok, you found the porn:many men still use porn whether they are with someone or not:many couples also use porn together in their relationship,it is no problem to them,it helps with their sex life.

You say he lied a few times giving an example of the smoking,well after being caught out(for want of a better phrase)with the porn,seeing how you re-acted,he was hardly going to volunteer information concerning the smoking,however he did in fact tell you,saying more or less that he was coming clean for fear of losing you.The smoking 10 years ago is irrelevant to your relationship,you were not on the scene at that time.

From what I have read in your post,he doesn't appear to have been unfaithful to you, which speaks volumes.The fact that he has had... a coloured past... with lots of sexual activity going on,tells me that for him to pick you, above all of the other experiences and girlfriends he has had in his life, is quite something.This shows me that he is genuine about his feelings for you and your daughter.

However if you cannot wipe the slate clean regarding his past,then there is no point in going back to him.I think you have to say,"this is here and now,this is what matters as long as he's not cheating and lieing to me,then his past can remain ...in the past".

If you can look to the future with a clean slate.Build a strong foundation for all of you,I think you have a very good chance of being very happy.

The key word for both of you is... HONESTY

Hi! Thank you for your opinions! I really appreciate it. Iam sorry for my post to be difficult to understand. Iam french and I am trying my best :)
Ok, first of all, the fact that he smoked BEFORE we were togueter does not bother me! He lied about that WAY before the porn was found. And what made him "confess was that he was worry a friends of him would tell on him (we were supposed to meet with them)" and this is what HE told me. Also, yes the strip clubs were before me and he did not cheat on me. But he cheated on his EX with me...
My reaction to the porn I found was.. is it yours? Iam not comfortable with that. He swear wasent his. I made it clear that I was open minded and that I was not going to judge him but that I needed him to be honest with me. I told him.. since we never even spoke about porn, I can't be mad at you. He chose to lie. He also told me he was "single" when I met him. And maybe an hour after, he told me he in fact had a girlfriend. That he wasent in love with her, wanted to brake it off but didn't have the guts. He lied about when she was (said she was in Europe).. after more than a year, I told him I was supprised I never saw any pics of her in Europe on Facebok, he then confessed she was never in Europe but out east with family.. He told me he smoke dope last when he was a teenager and then one day said, I want to come out clean and showed me a bag (300$ worth he said)of pot that him and a friend boughgt a year before? That's the thing, I can trust, but when I am lied to, it gets really difficult and the last thing I want is to trust a lyer. I need a guy that has BALLs! Not a guy that lies or hide stuff to "look" better. He cheated on his past 2 girlfriend and when it comes to our sex life, we have it about 6 time per weekend and I am just as "dirty" as he is if not more. Porn is not a help in our situation...