Ask Me Help Desk - What should we expect?

Her side of things

I'm pregnant and single the father left me when I informed him I was pregnant, I recently found a really awesome nice sweet guy that I have been some what seeing he really likes me and cares for me but still thinks he's not fully ready to be the daddy role that I will need, we talk a lot about this situation of me being an expecting mom and him wondering if he's ready to take on a father figure role, he recently asked me this question last night.. "kat if we were to be together what would you expect of me or from me with the baby"? And at the moment I couldn't reply and I'm still stuck, I need some ideas to help me answer that question without scaring him away. Please please give me some input...

His side of things
How will it be and what does she expect from me with her baby?

I'm a guy and I'm really in love with this girl who's single and pregnant I don't know if I'm ready to be a father figure but I'm trying to consider it.. Can anyone give me some feedback with a lot of positives and maybe some negatives so I can see both sides? Also can anyone tell me what they think she will be expecting from me with her daughter?

Only you know what you need or expect of him. I would guess you will need emotional support, possibly financial support, a father for the child - or at least a father figure for the child. You, of course, will need to pursue the father for support. Your boyfriend will have to contend with visitation by the father (if he requests it).

I would suggest that if he needs to ask you this question he is NOT ready to be a father figure. I do, however, understand his concerns.

EDIT: I just noticed in this post you're the single female. In this post ( threads were merged together) you're the boyfriend. Why are you posting two versions of the same scenario - and which is the truth?

Here's my concern. In this thread you're the guy, in love with a single, pregnant girl, wondering if you are ready to be a father figure to her child.

In your other thread ( threads were merged together) you're the single, pregnant female, "somewhat" seeing a new guy, wondering what to tell him about his responsibilities.

I don't understand why you would post two versions of basically the same story. When a post is not truthful it makes me question the person posting, his/her sincerity.

I merged both threads assuming you are a couple using the same account

Jumping from one relationship to another and expecting the new one to fill the emotional needs of a pregnant female is totally crazy. To many life changing things for two strangers to handle.

Making an agreement to be there to support each other without looking to far down the road would be a better idea than a full blown commitment at this time.

Not wise in my opinion to raise unrealistic expectations. That's not love, and I doubt you have been together long enough to be in love forever, no matter how intense and wonderful you both feel now.

Obviously this is a first pregnancy, and a first for you both. A very stressful thing to go through under normal circumstances, so put your heads together a get a better plan to address for the short term, many doctor visits, medicines, and supplies for this coming child. That's a pretty good financial outlay that needs a thoughtful plan. There is also, as Judy points out the obligations of the natural father to consider, another obstacle to overcome.

I just don't think it fair that a really vulnerable pregnant female should ever be pinning hopes on a well intentioned inexperienced stranger. That's a disaster in my book, and a very tough task to build a relationship, deal with a pregnancy, and raise a child. No way do you accomplish this with out guidance and the counsel of older wiser adults, preferably PARENTS.

This is to important to just follow your feelings, and wants.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I just don't think it fair that a really vulnerable pregnant female should ever be pinning hopes on a well intentioned inexperienced stranger. Thats a disaster in my book, and a very tough task to build a relationship, deal with a pregnancy, and raise a child. No way do you accomplish this with out guidance and the counsel of older wiser adults, preferably PARENTS.

This is to important to just follow your feelings, and wants.

Absolutely - and said far better than I said it.

(I don't like to see two people sharing an account. Of course, that's just me.)

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Absolutely - and said far better than I said it.

(I don't like to see two people sharing an account. Of course, that's just me.)

Neither do I, but hopefully they learn.

All I guess we both what to know is what it is he will be with my daughter and I? We've looked at everything and have considered many things, we also decided that we will wait to see how he feels about my daughter and I after I give birth, like a few months after and if the outcome is us being together great, if not that's perfectly OK, he is one of my new best friends and I keep trying to tell him whether or not him and I get together he would still be the only.man really in my daughters life so in a way he will still be a father figure, he can choose to be that being with me or not being with me. Idk and I'm sorry that we both posted on here he just thought we should both ask in our own words, anyway thank you for your thoughts and ill think about them but I'm still trying to answer what to expect from him, since I will be a fist time mom commin this month I have no idea how a relationship is suppose to be when your not with the father of your child.

I don't think any one can predict how either of you will react to the coming changes in your life, and taking it very slow with no expectations of being perfect will help. Staying friends will help a lot also.

Maybe sit down and make some rules and boundaries that are reasonable. And for gosh sakes don't put pressure on each other with pie in the sky expectations. GO VERY SLOW!! How old are you both? Do both sets of parents know the details of what is going on?

I hope so. They can help fill in the blanks.

Its all about why you & your boyfriend got together. In the first place. Your expectations & his.

Just like you & the baby's dad.

Your new friend knew what he was getting into, right? He musta known.

Don't rope him in as a surrogate.

Here's the facts, you are having a baby. With a father.

Start there. Get help from family & friends, counseling too.

Don't look for someone to jump in, play Daddy. Especially if they don't want to.

He can be your friend, but not your answer. Go back to the source.

You.