I want my husband to adopt my son. I have sole legal and physical custody and visitation is at my discretion.
I chose not to let my sons father see him for reasons that are too awefull and long to explain. But my question is... in order for his parental rights to be terminated and my hubby to adopt, we have to show my ex has not seen his son in several years. He has not, but does it count if it is because I said no, and he has no visitation?

Yes, it does. You can't claim abandonment if he has had no chance to be a part of his child's life. Are you sure he won't just agree to the adoption?

Even if the abandonment was his choice you would still have to get his agreement to the adoption.

Have you consulted an attorney? You really should to make sure the adoption is unassailable in court. The attorney will be able to tell you what you need to do to get the court to approve the adoption.