My teenage boy of 13 yrs has been stealing from my husband and myself recently.

We have noticed since this summer while school was out that he digs in our pockets for money and goes through our belongings in our bedroom to find money. I'm afraid that it is becoming compulsive as we have talked to him and he still does it.

What do you do about it, and how do you effectively discipline before it gets any worse. I am afraid that no matter what I say or do, it will just get worse. He is a bright student at school but was not attending everyday like he used to.

I'm afraid that he may be into drugs. Here in our town we do not have special services/programs or specialists that can help with these problems. I'm so afraid, I don't want him to get worse, and I'm afraid to say the wrong thing.

Please help me, anyone. I am desperate for answers.

Have you and your husband (the boy's father?) sat down with your son and talked calmly about this? If not, can you do that?

What punishments have you done so far ?
When you see it, or catch it, what do you do ?

What does he say he does with the money ?

If you are concerned about drugs have you tested him ?

You need to collect your evidence, and sit him down and confront him with his bad behavior. You want to create a way for him to earn your trust back through setting up tasks and responsibilities that he needs to complete while not stealing any longer. The plan should be designed so that he learns the consequences of his behavior and learns better coping skills.

If it is truly a compulsion, the underlying issues causing the compulsion need to be looked at. This kind of work is best accomplished with a counselor of some sort, in my opinion.

Do you mind telling us where you live? Perhaps we can help locate low-cost, no-cost county resources for you.

Here are a couple of links you might want to take a look at to start thinking about how to approach your son and the steps to take next.

• This page provides a great primer on the issue of stealing and how to approach it with your child..
  
• Regarding the possible drug use, the Partnership for a Drug Free America provides a great information tool for parents to look for the warning signs and how to approach your child.

Thank you for trusting our site with your question. I know how stressful this is for you. When we see a loved one going down the wrong path like this, it is very painful and we don't want to do the wrong thing. You need to be applauded for being a great mother and trying to do the best by him. All too often, we see the other side of parenthood.

Good luck.