My ex and I broke up 2 months ago (she broke it off). We had no contact for a month and she kept my stuff during that month. I ended up needing my things and asked her to call me when she had a chance. I ended up getting a Facebook message "saying sorry but she was not ready to talk." I texted her saying we don't need to talk but I need my things back. So we meant half way between our houses and when she gets there she ends up talking with me for an hour (no expecting that).

We shared laughs, smiles, she hugged me a few times( one time with tears in her eyes and put her head on my shoulder and than placed her head deeper in my arm. She told me she needed more time before she was ready to talk and hang out but would call in a couple to a few weeks.

But said if I don't hear from her to call her because she is not good an initiating first contact. We exchanged things but she gave me her book back and told me to finish it and that she could get it back later. Now two weeks have past and I have become comfortable enough with my feelings to be able to sit down with her and have lunch or get coffee. Should I wait for her to call or since I feel strong and comfortable enough is it okay for me to call her. What should I do and what did she mean by call her if I don't hear from her?

In the last two months I have been doing things I like and working out a lot. I have been hanging out with friends whenever possible. I have been trying my hardest to focus on me and that is it. What she does is totally up to her because its her life. Just seeing her about 2 weeks ago brought back some great memories and was confused by what she said and some of her body language. Apparently she has been dating an old friend from college. But like I said that is up to her and its her life. Just wanted advice on how to handle this.

Merged and edited/T

All your threads were merged and edited together to avoid confusion.


Leave her completely alone, and take your time to heal, rebuild your life, and do your thing.

You have no reason to contact her for a long, long while.

May sound dumb, but why not contact her?

Because you should have a life that makes you happy without her in it. Plus she is busy with her life, and why would you want to call her when you have said you need more time. So take it.

I have been doing me and have realized I do not need here in my life... Do I want her in my life yes... but I do realize time will tell and until then and for now I have to keep doing me. Thanks for the input

Anyone else have anything to add.. it would be appreciated... talaniman thanks again

The heart wants what the heart wants... I would give it time bro just for the simple fact she would see how hollow you are but give it time and she'll come around

What do you mean by hallow and come around? I think I know but want to make sure... I hear you though

I mean by hollow weak vulnerable you are... if she knows you still want her she going to continue to play games bro show her that your not all upset over it by not caring and she will come around

So what is the best way to show her I don't care as much? I have been doing the no contact thing for almost two months. My friends have noticed a positive change and I realize I don't need her and understand that right none a relationship is not what I want as I keep doing me. But I don't want her to think I don't give a **** about her as a person or is that what I need to do?

I don't think it matters what she thinks. If she wanted to be with you, she would not need nudging, a reminder, she would contact you.
I think you leave her alone and get on with your life. You are allowing her to control you and you don't even realize it.

I don't think I am letting her control me... I am not waiting for her to call or contact me. I do things I like to do.. working out, working on me and that is it. Do I think about her every now and then, sure. But I know deep down there is not a whole lot I can do. Which sucks... there is a part of me that I wish could prove to her she made a mistake. But I guess the only way to do that is to live my life. So after the things she said... it seems she was just feeding me lines to make herself feel better?

That you still have questions on what she is thinking/feeling/did and you wonder whether to contact her, or NOT, or how to contact her/ or when, is a sure sign she is still on your mind enough to want to act on those feelings.

I can tell you its for the best you do not let these feelings move you to contact her, or distract you from doing YOU. Those thoughts/feelings/ and urges will fade, but to fully rid yourself of them they must come to the surface and be dealt with in a positive way.

That positive way is to NOT act on impulse when they surface, and to have a plan or strategy to deal with them, such as instead on dwelling on the impulse to contact her, get up and physically get busy with a chore or task that takes focus, or concentration.

Even a small one will change the thinking, and set up a pattern of behavior that will become a positive habit, when done enough times.

This strategy will not only help with thoughts, and feelings of her, but with many other things in life that can distract you from a positive, healthy path.

Remember the goal is to never feel you have anything to prove to her, not that you care, or even still think of her. She doesn't need that, and you need to keep the healing/growing/learning process as YOUR main focus. Pay attention to yourself, as your mind is simply telling you your feelings, while under control for now, are just under the conscious surface of your thinking, and ready to pop out at a weak moment. Deal with the thought by changing them, there by changing your action, and REACTION to them.

Be aware how intense these feelings are, as they seek release, and how they are INFLUENCING your thought, and eventually your actions, and own them, because they are yours, and cope/deal with them, so that you do NOT work against your own best interest.

Contacting her, and keeping those feelings alive about her, is NOT in your best interest at this time. Nor should you make contact with her a priority at all. It only seems like a good idea, that has bad long lasting consequences if you make those thoughts into actions.

Good advice... its getting better.. some days are easier than others. So in your opinion is she just giving me lines of BS? What did she mean by her needing a couple more weeks before she could call? Isn't it weird she tells me she is always and is still attracted to me and wanting me to keep her book to finish it when I tried to return it to be done?. and if I don't hear from her to contact her? A week ago I would have answered the phone right away... but now I don't know if I will or could answer the phone if she even calls. I will follow your advice and will not let me feelings take over. I will not contact her.

Her game is lame, and full of B***S***!

See this as her sneaking out her bedroom window so she can have fun without her parents knowing, and leaving the window cracked so she can sneak back in when the fun is over.

Your job, close the window, and lock her OUT!!

Exactly she is making her choice, so START making YOURS. Leave her, a break up is a break up, go no contact because she is only keeping you as a back up plan. Why wait for someone who you are not considered a priority by? Stop contact and start living your life again, keeping yourself busy and improving yourself is GREAT, keep it up, feeling will die as time goes by.

All your threads were merged and edited together to avoid confusion.

Is there anyway to try and rekindle things with her? I understand I don't need her and know there are other girls out there... But I feel she is the one for me for some reason? *****ing love. Haha.. Any tips or suggestions would be greatly appreciated... One more thing.. I don't want to try and trick her and we have had NC since getting my things.

I have worked on me the past two months and everyone tells me how much more confident I am acting and looking too. I have been living MY life.

Its over man focus on yourself honestly this girl and relationship was doing your health no good.


All she was doing by all the nice things she was saying was alleviating her gilt
Simple as that don't read anything else into it
As for her new boy which she does have let them get on with there life and you get on with yours


Good luck

Oh and don't mistake what you need for what you want

Which in this case you want her
It's only pride and ego talking it will heal with time my friend trust me :)

A break up is a break up. Go no contact, there is no reason for you to rekindle anything with any ex-girlfriend... EVER.

Thanks... I have a gut feeling this new guy was there before we broke up unfortunately

Especially a week before we broke up we were at at party and her roommate and her were texting. I saw what he wrote and what she answered... they were texting about her cleveage and how nice it was looking. I asked her about it the next day and she said they were just like brother and sister. I told her brothers and sisters don't make comments like that. Also, I noticed a few things eye contact and such previously... I guess I thought nothing of it. Some girls just such.. Maybe I have it wrong.. But I at least thought she could be honest with me. I guess she is not the person I thought she was.