So I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He is an amazing person when he wants to me but 80% of the time he treats me like dirt. For instance... He feels like he can tell me what to do all the time. Like what to wear, what to say and even to the point of how to sit. He is always like his way or the highway. I have never cheated on him I treat him better then I even should and I do everything for him. Our relationship has always been different from the beginning. The reason why is because he has children and still lives with the mother yet they are not together. On top of that he says that I have to prove to him I am a good enough person for him to even consider to make the move into our relationship that is big. I even went down to getting a tattoo for him and he still says that is not enough. I feel like I am forced to sit back and let him have all this control because I do love him. I was married before and I know it takes work to make a relationship work but it should never be this way. Its like I have completely lost myself because of him and he sees that and it kills me. I know and lot of you would say I am getting what I deserve since I stay but truly I don't know how to leave. I wasted 7 years of my life being married to a man I should have been and I have never loved someone like I do my current boyfriend. I just want to know how I can get him to change and open his eyes to what he really has. I know he will always put his children 1st which is what should be but he is now putting his friends, work, everything before me hell even the dog. I hope this made sense and I hope to hear feedback. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

You stop doing the things he keeps telling you to do.

Explain that if he tells you, you will do the opposite just because. Explain to him, that he can change or it is the highway.

Also , no he is not wonderful 80 percent of the time if he is like this,

Just learn to say NO and learn to do what you want

I was in a controlling relationship. It turns ugly fast. Put your foot down, if it doesn't change, get out.

It has turned ugly really ugly at times. I just don't understand why I have been able to leave a marriage but not this. I am so lost. I haven't even gotten to the things that have happened. I am a wreak and I think he is feeding off that and becoming worse.

You can't leave, or at least think you can't, because he has control over you. You may not like hearing it, but you need to stop playing victim and stand up for yourself. Do not allow his behavior to take over your life. I have been abused and controlled my whole life by my father and more recently my ex. Do not allow this to turn into your life story. Put your foot down, if he doesn't change, leave. It'll hurt for a while, you'll think, "well maybe one more chance" or "its not his fault" you need to get yourself out of this situation before it drags you down farther than it has.

Why are you still there?. he is a self obsessed man.How dare he say you have to prove yourself... NO YOU DO NOT.
You don't have to take any orders from him you are a person in your own right,DO NOT ALLOW THIS ANY LONGER.It continues because you let it.Decide right now what you are going to do,FOR YOU.
He is perfectly capable of doing things for himself,he just wants you as a slave to him.
He will not change his ways,however he wants you to change to suit him,why should you there is nothing wrong with the way you are.
I don't think it's love you feel,more like you just want to belong somewhere.This man is not for you,the things he wants you to do,a house made would do.

Get out while you have the chance and find a decent man who will spoil and treat you in the right manner,life with a man of this nature and control would be simply unbearable, don't put yourself through it because you think it's love... it's not.

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Originally Posted by lost434

He is always like his way or the highway.

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The highway it is then!

I have talked to him and he continues to try to blame the things he says on me. His favorite quote is " There is a cause and effect for everything. I will always show you the effect if I don't like something". I am 25 I am no child. I guess now it comes to how can someone be so cruel to a person they say they so call love? And how could I be so stupid to allow this. I know it fear. Not just fear of being alone but fear of what he may do. Its like I would want him to fight to keep me but I know he never will he will just walk or he will get to upset (which is the part that scares me) that he may do something I might be able to get out of.

If you keep allowing bad behavior by staying with this boob, expect more of it.

I agree. Not a good percentage.

"80% of the time he treats me like dirt"

Stop allowing him to control your every move.

Who wants that in a relationship?

He's not changing anytime soon. In fact he would probably be that way with anyone.

I would take off. Especially after 2 years of this.
Don't let him, ruin your confidence or self-respect anymore.

Be in control. Your move now.

"There is a cause and effect for everything"

Cause=Him.(and you staying)
Effect=You spitting.

Have same problem...

I am in a controlling relationship. I have been trying to compromise, we are engaged for crying out loud (for seven months now I've known him three years beforehand)... but to no avail. Every issue I have about him being at work over 100 hours a week helps nothing. Just makes him more mad at me. I cry, that makes him mad, I try to compromise and talk things out--that makes him mad too. If I have an issue I just need to forget about it because if its taylored to me it doesn't matter. Every movie every show, all picked by him, he has a car, he will leave whenever he wants and do whatever he wants whenever he wants to do it. He gets texts all day and when I ask who it is, its ALWAYS work, ALWAYS a guy.. and if it's a girl calling, who even knows because I think he's smart enough to put a girls name under a guys name so I won't see who its really from. He calls everyone sexy, beautiful, etc, and thinks I'm supposed to feel special when he calls me that. OK. No matter what I say, I'm wrong. Whatever he says is right. I'm so sick of picking the same guy all the time, someone like my father. Who didn't care to see me that much either. Thanks for support knowing I'm not the only one getting treated like crap. I'm giving this ONE year. No wedding until I see compromise from him, AND I have a back up plan that will ensure that I get on my feet ALONE since I'm supposed to BE ALONE.