Hi all, my daughter is 31 and pregnant with her 3rd child. Her first two children, both girls, are from her first marriage. We used to have a close relationship and I love my granddaughters more than life itself. She asked for a large sum of money early last year and we weren't in the position to assist. The money wasn't for anything life threatening, more of a want than a need, and she had other options. Instead of accepting that there was no money forthcoming, she became very abusive and cruel while continued to ask for money, threatening that we wouldn't see the girls if we didn't assist her. Long story short, this has gone on for over 18 months and we aren't permitted to see or talk to our grandchildren. After a recent abusive email, I told her that if she apologises we can try to move on. She refuses to apologise because she said we haven't acknowledged her unborn child. She tells other family members that we have not been supportive and therefore she doesn't want to talk to us. Has anyone else experienced this? What did you do?

Emotional blackmail is very common. You can look into grandparent's rights for your state, but they are not in very many states and are difficult to enforce. No adult child should demand money from a parent, end of story. You have to make a choice however, over seeing the kids or not. If you do, you could say that she gets an allowance of X for every month after you have seen the kids X times, but that is just a more organized kind of blackmail. And the trouble with that is that the stakes often get raised over and over, to see how much you can tolerate. It's really best to go through the pain and say just 'I love you, I love the kids, let me know when we can be happy again.' (I wouldn't have asked for an apology.)
If you have money enough, you could set up little savings accounts for each one, but these days the banks need SSNs.

You didn't ask this in a legal forum so I'm not sure if you want the legal answer or help with your relationship with your daughter. These are different things.

Most states that allow grandparent rights make those rights contingent on a family breakup. For example, if you were the paternal grandparent and the mother got custody in a divorce, you may be able to get some visitation rights. But if it is just a matter of estrangement, the law is unlikely to be helpful.

So that leaves you with repairing the rift between you. The only way I can see is to try to enlist a mediator. Another family member or clergy who can act as a go between to resolve your differences. But if your daughter is going to be immature and stubborn there is little else you can do but turn your life and affections in a different direction. Maybe there are other nieces and nephews that you can try to fill the void with.

I am sorry to here this , all I can suggest to you is go to your solicitor to get access to your grandchildren as you don't want to miss out on there lifes, they would try and sort out another way of you seeing them , maybe throug a family member , you can always just have a chat with them and see what your options are.. good luck x