Moved to its own thread, and edited/T


It really hurts, I'm suffering from the this situation. He's a writer, and his character totally changed after his first play was agreed to be performed on stage. I was the director's assistant, so it was my right to have fun at the premiere night, but he just left me home, insulted, and slept with another girl that night. It was a week ago when I realized he's been planning that night for months, and told the girl that he broke up with me.

I've been cheated by him many times with several woman, and he said the same thing "it's his way of living." We've also been living together for a year, and we were pretty close. Even though he was occasionally rude to me, I've always thought he loved me. I didn't expect any affairs, because he has some sexual problems, and we don't live it properly. Even though I'm a good looking person and he admires my looks, he searches for something else.

Then yesterday I found some sexual erectile pills in his pocket (two of them were used)and he blamed me for putting my nose into his personal life. He told me that "I" hurt him. You know what hurts? It hurts that he brought these girls into the bed we cuddle and sleep every night. It hurts that he could order, and buy those pills to satisfy another woman then me. He hasn't done anything to find a real solution for our problem. I've never thought of cheating him with other people.

I waited for him for a year to get used to me, and my body. But yesterday he made me feel guilty again for checking his personal stuff. He's completely right, it's sick, and paranoid to do this, but he had it coming. Now I feel desperate, he didn't call me all day and I can hardly resist calling him.

This is our weak point, we always consider them as little boys that are passing a hard period. But it's not true, he chose to look like a "man" to other women. My heart hurts right now and I don't even know what to do..

Hard as it is, you dump him, and disappear from his life forever. You may not be willing, but enough is enough.

But you already know that! I understand that's not what you want to do, but he won't change.

"I've been cheated by him many times with several woman"

And you are still there.

That's the prob.

You value him more than you.

Last night I called him just to ask how he was, it was 23.30 and he told me he was out somewhere and just arrived home. He unwillingly invited me and I went to his place. He didn't tell me where he was or who he was with.. Told me he was tired and we went to bed. He didn't cuddle me, didn't touch me.. And at 01.00am someone called him, he didn't hear it. And an hour later that someone called again. This was actually a sign to me because anytime he hangs out with girls or sleeps with them, they call him in the middle of the night. They don't even hesitate because I heard that he tells them he broke up with me and he lives alone.
Then I decided to leave. It hurts so much because his smell, touching his shoulders while he sleeps and stuff like that are so important to me. So I touched his shoulder, it was a goodbye, I knew it was the last time I was doing this and I couldn't help crying. He moved his shoulder and got rid of me. Then I packed up and left at 04.30 in the morning. He didn't call me back. Now I do not know what to do.. I know he's angry because I saw those pills. But it was hard for me too. We don't sleep together because of his several excuses like tiredness or depression. But it seems like he tries everything to sleep with other women. I'm in a state of shock because two days ago he told me he wouldn't live without me.

Del.

You need to wake up and smell the coffee here.

You are living with a man who does not love you. And if you think your feelings for him are love, you are wrong.

You are desperately hanging onto a relationship that does not exist, and love that does not exist. You think for some reason, you are the most important person in his life, and you are not. He treats you with such disrespect and I am appalled that you would interpret his behaviour as somehow just going through a phase.

There is no honesty, love, or trust. Instead there is lying, cheating, and allowing yourself to be somewhere near the bottom of his list of priorities.

Please realize that this is a one-way street with a dead end at the end of it. No matter how long you stay on this road, the ride will be the same.

Time to plan another route.

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Please realize that this is a one-way street with a dead end at the end of it. No matter how long you stay on this road, the ride will be the same.

Time to plan another route.

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Jake2008 thanks a lot for your advices. Sure I know it's true what you say.. But it's too hard. I moved here for my master's degree last year and I met him the day I was accepted to the academy. We've been living together all year and I don't even go to my house once a week. We live in the same street so anytime I go to the market, I see his house. We're at the same school etc. The girl I share the rent is not here now and I'm alone in a big dark apartment. In the daytime it's OK, I can find things to do but at night, it's choking me. I used to be a creative, active person and it was a great opportunity for me to study theatre. But now I see that I spent a whole year in a drama. A silly one. By the way he writes the script of a soap opera and I really can't believe a person who writes such emotional scenes could act this way.
The hardest thing is that I need to forget all the projects, plans and dreams we made. We were planning to buy a car and travel, we had dreams of starting a business and moving to another city, he was telling me he wanted to meet my parents. Now will I forget them all?
I heard that the girl that he had a crush and had an affair for 4 months has lost his dad. I'm so sorry for that girl. But can'y help thinking if he'll start seeing her again to consolate her. And friends from school told me that they've all seen him and her together, drinking, chatting and leaving together the bar that night. It's too insulting. I've been working for his play and it was my right to have fun. But he didn't even came to my way. When I got closer he angrily took me away and left me home, saying he wouldn't want this life. He went back to the party and slept with her. I don't even want to go to school cause I feel like everyone there knows how miserable I am. It feels like I'm surrounded with people who pity me. And can't figure out why he chose them over me. They're not prettier or smarter. I feel ugly and worthless as a woman.

You need to move on, leave him and find someone who is going to show you the respect you are wanting and know you deserve. Why are you standing around? Are you so sadistic that you are waiting for even more disappointment?

You need to realise the dreams you had for the future were just that dreams; try and inject some reality into them when you picure them.

'We were planning to buy a car and travel' - him with one eye open for other women, his stash of pills in his pocket, you still wondering why you feel so lonely... isn't that how it would actually be, not what you imagined huh?

'we had dreams of starting a business and moving to another city' - where he would still be acting exactly the same as he is now, and you would probably have all the business worries and no support to boot...

Sorry I know that is really painful but it is the harsh reality.
You aren't actually losing much that is real and worthwhile are you?

You need to let go of what you thought you were going to have and accept that what you got was not worth having. You deserve way better than this.

It hurts like hell I know. It won't always. Stay away from this man and take it one day at a time. At first you may only be surviving, but one day you will be living, and one day you will be so glad you got out of this.

Thank you QLP, and all of you people. I don't feel as lonely as I was yesterday.
Yes I agree with you. All the evidences show that he won't change. But the tiniest hope seems like a great sunshine to me.

I just couldn't help myself and sent him a text half an hour ago. He didn't reply. Then I called him and he didn't answer it either. I'm pretty sure he's searching for consolation and fun from these other women right now. Otherwise it would be different, I left his house at 4.30am and he didn't even worry about me. My challenge is now with myself. All my attempts to contact him seems to be failed. Maybe I should turn off my mobile.

In this case I'm so lonely here. All of the people around me are our mutual friends so I can't tell them what's happening. And if he figures out that I'm writing here, it will be a disaster. It's too isolating. And just to comfort him I told him about a bad experience of mine. I told him that because I don't wanted him to feel guilty or ashamed. I wanted him to know that people can learn from mistakes and change their lives. And guess what, anytime he sees my sadness he uses this story against me. He told me that the guy that harassed me when I was a teenager was way worse than him. Thus this gives him the right to feel clean. He mentions that I was able to bear that man's behaviour for years so I can't blame him for sneaking around. I thought about it over and over and can't understand his motivation. If a person willingly tells a bad experience, something that ruined his/her life to me, I would never use that against him/her.

Maybe it's all about a darker, deeper problem. He enjoys making me feel guilty for everything. I feel like it's his sexual problem that makes him so harsh and hateful to me. He wants to cover things up even though I don't mind it at all. I could wait for him to heal and live without it. Just cuddling and hugging each other was more than enough.

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Originally Posted by Delilahwrites

Jake2008 thanks a lot for your advices. Sure I know it's true what you say.. But it's too hard. I moved here for my master's degree last year and I met him the day I was accepted to the academy. We've been living together all year and I don't even go to my house once a week. We live in the same street so anytime I go to the market, I see his house. We're at the same school etc. The girl I share the rent is not here now and I'm alone in a big dark apartment. In the daytime it's ok, I can find things to do but at night, it's choking me. I used to be a creative, active person and it was a great opportunity for me to study theatre. But now I see that I spent a whole year in a drama. A silly one. By the way he writes the script of a soap opera and I really can't believe a person who writes such emotional scenes could act this way.
The hardest thing is that I need to forget all the projects, plans and dreams we made. We were planning to buy a car and travel, we had dreams of starting a business and moving to another city, he was telling me he wanted to meet my parents. Now will I forget them all?
I heard that the girl that he had a crush and had an affair for 4 months has lost his dad. I'm so sorry for that girl. But can'y help thinking if he'll start seeing her again to consolate her. And friends from school told me that they've all seen him and her together, drinking, chatting and leaving together the bar that night. It's too insulting. I've been working for his play and it was my right to have fun. But he didn't even came to my way. When I got closer he angrily took me away and left me home, saying he wouldn't want this life. He went back to the party and slept with her. I don't even want to go to school cause I feel like everyone there knows how miserable I am. It feels like I'm surrounded with people who pity me. And can't figure out why he chose them over me. They're not prettier or smarter. I feel ugly and worthless as a woman.

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STOP BLAMING YOURSELF FOR HIS LACK OF CHARACTER!!

I blame you for putting up with his crap for so long, but even the most beautiful and talented female in the world cannot compete with a rascal such as this.

Now go get a REAL man, and be glad you know what they don't look, and act like.

This guy continually treats you like crap, over & over.
Disrespects you and basically is running your life. A user.

"if he figures out that I'm writing here, it will be a disaster"

Screw that, you are trying to get help. He sure isn't.

Get away from him as soon as possible, don't look back.
Forget the mutual friends. If they are true friends, they will love & respect you.

He doesn't.

Not sure why you want to continue with him. He could care less. You are just a thing to him.
Do you like that?

"He wants to cover things up even though I don't mind it at all."
Listen to what you just said.

(He can lie, cheat, do whatever & you don't care)
Makes you feel guilty.

Narcissist manipulator.

Boy, does he have your number.
It takes 2.