Ask Me Help Desk - Can Bi Guys /"mostly straight" Have an Honest Non-Cheating Relationship With a Women?

Can Bi Guys /"mostly straight" Have an Honest Non-Cheating Relationship With a Women?

In other words, he was an escort for one man for 5/6 years (did everything but took the main unit in the you know what or vise versa... because it wouldn't go up), watched straight porn during the experiences, but still... He enjoyed receiving and giving lube-ed up bj's and but play. Now that's supposedly going to be the past (he did it behind my back but has opened up about it recently and changed his number and supposedly no longer wants it ever again with a man). Could this really have been just for money that turned into pleasure he didn't feel comfortable asking for from his girlfriends over the years, and he found out through it he doesn't want men?

Editors Note/ This thread started here, for the full story/T
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...do-596205.html

Being a long time friend of mine turned out to be a female escort, and I knew her deepest secrets, she was a good and dear friend... they view relationships a bit differently than the rest of us do on average. Many view sex as business, and not part of the relationship.. They honestly don't view it as cheating from their perspective.

But in a more general situation of a BI individual, can they be in a non-cheating monogamous relationship, the answer would be yes, just as much as any straight would be. A percentage of people cheat... and preference has no bearing on it. I haven't seen any numbers to indicate if its more or less common among straights, Bi or Gay individuals.

I know you've read my other question, so you can understand why I've asked this one as well. The boyfriend claims he doesn't like guys, but as you know from reading my other question, there is one guy he would accept and give pleasure to for money for years (regardless of the "fact" that he watched straight porn while receiving it)... he claims he doesn't like guys, but I find this hard to believe... and if he is bi... how do I satisfy that side of him that likes men so he doesn't cheat?

Quote:

Originally Posted by justmeaskingu

I know you've read my other question, so you can understand why I've asked this one as well. The boyfriend claims he doesn't like guys, but as you know from reading my other question, there is one guy he would accept and give pleasure to for money for years (regardless of the "fact" that he watched straight porn while receiving it) ... he claims he doesn't like guys, but i find this hard to believe... and if he is bi... how do I satisfy that side of him that likes men so he doesn't cheat?

You don't satisfy that side. You are a woman... and have female parts. You don't have guy parts.

He has to be happy and satisfied with you and what you have to offer, or its just not going to happen, you can't force it.

Now as a couple there are all kinds of toys and games you can play as consenting adults. But they shouldn't be a precursor to fidelity. Only as a way of spicing things up.

There are other things in play here based on your other thread... and the previous drug abuse... and male prostitution will really muddy the waters on the subject. Most gay, Bi or straight people won't prostitute themselves for money... period, much less a straight guy prostituting himself to another guy or guys which is the last thing the average straight guy would do. Sorry but the average straight guy wouldn't touch much less do anything else with another guys Johnson for any amount of money. I'm sure everyone has a price, but situations like Indecent Proposal Indecent Proposal (1993) - IMDb only happen in the movies... not real life. Anything less than that is prostitution, plain and simple. And a sign they have low standards.

I think the track record of lies and deception are far more serious than if he could be faithful or not. This would require him to completely change himself and his behaviour... Thats like expecting a Leopard to change itself into a Tiger or vice-versa.

Bi people are not "unsatisfied" by their partners just because they don't have whatever parts they don't have.

Bisexual ONLY means that you are ATTRACTED to both sexes. It does NOT mean that you NEED both to be satisfied.

Thank you two... Smoothy, I want to believe him... that he wants to change. He's looking for a counselor, and I know he cares for me very much, as I am the only one who's ever known the true him and not treated him like crap. I'm so confused. One thing he told me made me want to help him... he said he cried at times when doing "favors" for that guy, and the guy would still push for him to do it... I don't know what's made him feel like such a worthless person, other than the fact than the longer he did what he did with that one person, the more he felt worthless, guilt, shame, etc. His mother ran out on him at a young age, and is an alcoholic. She abandoned him with his father from the time of when he was 4 yrs old to like 13 yrs old. He started hanging with the wrong crowd at the end of his high school years, got into drugs, and was then told he wasn't allowed back to school (expelled). There's a part of me that believes he must be bisexual (as you agree, Smoothy); but he's still in denial of it. His father raised him to think that being gay/bi meant you were sick. I've seen his porn, and the way he acts around women (before I was even his girlfriend), and I know he's not completely gay... but bi... maybe. I've told him it's okay, and it's just the way he went about it all that was wrong. He claims he's still straight, and he always thought of girls when he was with that man, so that he could get through the motions. It's so confusing to me. Sometimes I think just leaving would make things so much more easier for me, but in the present, we live together and I enjoy the honesty and newly developed friendship we've seemed to develop since truths have immerged... but how long will the honesty last is the main question... and will he ever decide he does also want men in his life, but is too afraid to admit it, so turns around does it behind my back? Why can't relationships just be honest?

There's a big underlying problem with him... I suspect he may be a sociopath after having read the description of sociopaths online, and he actually agrees that the online descriptions seem to describe him, and that he never knew there were others like him. I know there's a big debate out there in the psychological world as to whether a sociopath can ever actually be "cured."

You are in over your head here, as this guy has problems that are so deep rooted, that it make take several years for him to be a good, honest, healthy partner. Yes I read your other post, and its obvious you don't have the tools, or skill, or understanding of his problem to help him, and I think you are headed for a great big fall. This is something that's beyond just you, and you better back up to a much safer distance to protect yourself, from this intensely flawed in need of a lot of help, human being.

I know, you cannot wrap your head around completely leaving him alone, but its been my experience that seriously hurt people can cause a lot of pain for years in lives of those who are helpless to help them, like yourself.

This can never be a healthy relationship, because it was built on lies, deceptions, and secrets, and you are not going to change that. If you insist on staying and helping, be very cautious, as his honesty is suspect, and his loyalty is to himself.

Forget love and romance. This will be hard work, and fun only to someone who doesn't know better, or can separate fantasy from reality. IS THAT YOU??

Quote:

Originally Posted by justmeaskingu

Thank you two... Smoothy, I want to believe him... that he wants to change. He's looking for a counselor, and I know he cares for me very much, as I am the only one who's ever known the true him and not treated him like crap. I'm so confused. One thing he told me made me want to help him... he said he cried at times when doing "favors" for that guy, and the guy would still push for him to do it... I don't know what's made him feel like such a worthless person, other than the fact than the longer he did what he did with that one person, the more he felt worthless, guilt, shame, etc. His mother ran out on him at a young age, and is an alcoholic. She abandoned him with his father from the time period of when he was 4 yrs old to like 13 yrs old. He started hanging with the wrong crowd at the end of his high school years, got into drugs, and was then told he wasn't allowed back to school (expelled). There's a part of me that believes he must be bisexual (as you agree, Smoothy); but he's still in denial of it. His father raised him to think that being gay/bi meant you were sick. I've seen his porn, and the way he acts around women (before I was even his girlfriend), and I know he's not completely gay... but bi... maybe. I've told him it's okay, and it's just the way he went about it all that was wrong. He claims he's still straight, and he always thought of girls when he was with that man, so that he could get through the motions. It's so confusing to me. Sometimes i think just leaving would make things so much more easier for me, but in the present, we live together and I enjoy the honesty and newly developed friendship we've seemed to develop since truths have immerged... but how long will the honesty last is the main question... and will he ever decide he does also want men in his life, but is too afraid to admit it, so turns around does it behind my back? Why can't relationships just be honest?!

I think he is playing you... telling you BS stories to string you along and believe his other lies.

Some people are accomplished liars (he appears to be one of them)... the more you say about him, the more red flags and sirens I see and hear.

You say "the truths have emerged", how do you in fact know they are really the truth... and not a line of crap he's trying to feed you to play on your sympathy? Good hearted people are the easiest to play for suckers. They tend to trust first... and to continue trusting even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

Relationships are rarely "simple", but they can be honest. But you aren't going to have either here I am afraid.

My opinion is you are never going to know when guys (or women) like that are telling the truth or tell lies through their teeth. Some have done it so long and so often they even convince themselves their lies are true. In my 50 years on this planet, I've met numerous examples from both genders during that time. I've learned to be a skeptic attending the school of hard knocks..

If you like drama and heartache... you will get it in spades with this guy.

You're all right. Sadly, I think in the end that you're all correct. Now, living in FL, I just need to figure out how to set aside the money so that I can move out on my own... and in the meantime just get along and be helpful to him, as much as I can be. Then off I go, hopefully with better luck this time. Thank you all for your help. Smoothy... especially.

I grew up and learned most of my lessons about life the hard way... before the Web browser, and Internet access at home rather than in a business.

If our experiences can save people from making the same mistakes we made growing up... then the time we take to pass that information on to someone younger has been well used In my opinion.

Thank god for the Internet these days.

But even still, all we can do is offer up the advice, and explain our reasons, it ultimately falls upon the individual if they want to take it or learn for themselves the hard way.